metanoia

Chapter Fifteen

Completely in shock and disbelief that she had her biggest secret revealed to everyone at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Alex runs straight toward the Astronomy Tower to be alone.

She never told anyone what had happened that horrid day so many years ago but seeing him standing in front of her again, acting smug, and reappearing when for the first time in a very long time she was starting to actually be happy. And then with his audacity to mention Noah like he himself had known him, she snapped and her anger became uncontrollable.

Alex stood at the large window for a moment before sliding her legs against the cool stone to sit on the ledge, watching everyone slowly leave the Quidditch Pitch and migrate toward the Castle. The school's population would inevitably forget about today's events, slowly fading into the next thing to happen at Hogwarts like so many dramatic scenes before it. But the blonde couldn't help wondering what would come of the day, would it still end with the traditional Gryffindor Common Room party after a Quidditch match, would Matthew Johnson finally be held responsible for his actions, could she continue her schooling without the looks of sympathy from her teachers and peers?

Remus didn't stick around the Quidditch Pitch long enough to see what would come of the announcement of Alex's trauma, he took it upon himself to follow the girl to the Astronomy Tower to check to see if she was okay, but who would be okay after something like that. He understood to some degree what it's like to have someone damage you like that, in a way that's out of his control. He catches a glimpse of his reflection on a panel of glass, his eyes immediately finding his three white scars trailing down his face. Turning the corner, he sees the blonde sitting on the stone ledge overlooking the Pitch, "Hey, Alex..., are you alright? Of course you're not alright, sorry that was a stupid question. I mean, do you... do you want to talk about it?"

Alex lets out a small snort, watching the last few students leave the Quidditch Pitch, "Oh, I'm fantastic."

Remus cocked an eyebrow at her, confused by her response he thought to himself, "This girl just confronted one of her demons and she's fantastic? Is she mental?"

Tearing her eyes from the Pitch she smiled at him, seeing the confusion etched onto his face, "No. Really, I'm fine, Remus. Better than I thought I'd be considering the situation."

"You don't have to tell me-"

"No, it's- In second year, Letti and I had a bet to see who could make a friend first. She befriended Lily but I took to the library. I immediately forgot about the bet when I saw this book on the top shelf. I climbed my way up, forgetting I'm a witch, and about halfway down Madam Pince yelled at me and I fell. Matthew, a 7th year Hufflepuff who'd watched me shimmy my way up the bookshelf, caught me before I got hurt. Long story short, we were friends with him until the last month of school. There'd been an argument, I don't even remember what it was about but I'd taken Fab's side and Matt did not like that. One night Matt got drunk and came into the Gryffindor Tower. I'd been in my room studying alone when he came in, I thought he was coming to call a ceasefire but instead he came and took advantage of me. Ever since... ever since I haven't trusted anyone, never told anyone other than Letti that before today."

Remus felt his blood boil and wanted nothing more than to go find Johnson and kill him for what he did to her when she was barely 13. "How did the Prewetts know then? They seemed to want to kill him just as badly as Letti did."

Alex quickly wiped the tears out of her eyes before they fell and Remus noticed, shrugging at him while chuckling softly, "Letti told them. It was after I had a meltdown after they had hugged me. But hey, now that people know, everyone will understand that I'm not just being a wanker when I don't trust people but I've got scars. Not visible ones like yours but scars nonetheless."

"I'm sorry that it happened to you. I couldn't begin to understand what you were going through, what you're going through. And just so you know, I never thought you were a wanker," Remus admits, lowering himself to sit beside her. "A bit odd, sure, but aren't we all. And we all have our scars, our secrets, the demons we carry."

Alex looks to her left at the thin white claw marks that run down his face, noticeable but they didn't define him. She bumps his shoulder with hers, chuckling as she breaks their intense eye contact, "Like you and your furry little problem, as Prongs likes to put it?"

His face becomes as pale as Nearly Headless Nick, taken by surprise by her words. He stammers and struggles to formulate a sentence, something to say in response to her. She pulls the elastic hair tie out of her thick hair and shakes it as it falls on her shoulders, laughing at the genuine fear in her friend's eyes, "Don't worry, mate, I won't tell anyone. And I haven't, I've known since 3rd year, it really wasn't that hard to figure out. Oh, and I know about the rest of the Marauders being unregistered animagi."

"And- and you're not scared of me or repulsed by what I am?" He asks, scared to hear the answer.

Of course she wasn't scared of him, there were worse things he could've been than a werewolf. Werewolves aren't bad people, they're cursed with a bad condition. He could've been a murderer or a rapist, Hell or even like her father. Remus was many things; sweet, a goofball, a bookworm, a good friend, but he most definitely wasn't defined by his condition. She smiles at him, shaking her head no, to which he let out a sigh of relief.

"No, I'm not scared of you, Remus. Why would I be? You're a good guy and a bloody good friend. This condition doesn't define you, it's just a... footnote in the synopsis of what is Remus John Lupin."

Remus smiles at her, amazed that she found absolutely no fault in his condition. Aside from his best friends, she is the only one who wasn't scared of him or what he may do. Honestly most days he was scared of what he might do on accident to the people he loved, her included. Remus stands up, brushing the palms of his hands off on his trousers before extending it to his friend, "You're too good to be our friend. Maybe you should run while you can."

She looks at his outstretched hand for a second, noticing the small calluses on the tips of his fingers, then reluctantly takes his warm hand and brings herself to her feet, chuckling, "Nah, I hate to admit it but you lot are actually starting to grow on me. And besides, Prongs and Padfoot would catch me before I got too far."

"So how did you figure it out?" Remus asks, following her down the stairs and toward the Gryffindor Common Room.

In 3rd year Alex officially cut herself off from the world, vowing to never trust anyone again after Johnson. With shutting herself out of society, she'd begun to notice things others typically wouldn't like when someone was absent or sick, who liked who, where the secret passages were. Being practically invisible allowed her to see and learn things others didn't care enough about. In 3rd year, Alex somehow sat behind Remus Lupin in every single class so when he was sick or a family member had "fallen ill" or whatever his excuse was during that Cycle it didn't go unnoticed. Not to mention, she'd seen it all before with someone else and helped cover it up but with much better lies.

"I sat behind you in 3rd year. With the schedule your absences are on, I got curious. I'd seen it before with someone else so I guessed really, did some reading and I noticed when you came back with new scars. The boys, on the other hand, were obvious. I know what it takes to become an animagus so when those three kept an "oath of silence" for a month, I knew. And your nicknames for each other made it even more obvious, Moony."

"I didn't think anyone noticed me," Remus chuckled, amazed by her.

Alex looked up at the boy who stood over a foot taller than her, lightly smiling, "That's the thing, I'm not anybody."