metanoia

Chapter Fifty-three

After Sirius' eighteenth birthday, Alex had been avoiding her friends the best she could. Well, she was specifically avoiding Remus and Sirius. Spending most of her time on the Quidditch Pitch or in the Astronomy Tower so she could think or read or draw. Every night she sees someone's death, whether it be James or Regulus or Letti, and she's on the verge of telling them. Towing the line between being obedient to Dumbledore's request and telling those close to her. So, her thought process was the more she was away from her friends, the less likely she was to tell her secret.

Winter Holiday drew near, days passing with Alex in total solitude nearing herself  to insanity as the nightmares plagued her every thought. Deciding she could no longer take the suffering in silence, she pleaded with her Professor, "Please Professor Dumbledore, I have to tell someone about this. I'm going mad. I keep seeing these dreams, living these events, that are supposed to happen but I don't know if or when. And I feel helpless, useless. Like why do I have this ability if I can't help anyone. Please, let me talk to someone."

"Alex, you know the risk..." Dumbledore warned her, began to deny her request but then remembered that she was still a teenager and needed a support system, someone to talk to. The old man closed his eyes, sighing in defeat, "Fine, you can find someone to talk to if that helps ease your mind. But you can't tell them any specifics about what happened in your dreams because if they try and change their choices, the course of history, it will not end well. For any of us."

Alex  happily squealed like a little girl, hugging Headmaster Dumbledore tightly around the waist before running out of his office to seek solace in the Astronomy Tower, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" 

Deducing that the blonde would be in the Astronomy Tower after classes that afternoon, James and Peter found her alone with her sketchbook in her lap. James sat down beside his cousin, looking out at the vibrant green of the Quidditch Pitch, "Hey, Short Stack, where have you been? It's like you're with us one minute then you disappear the next."

Alex chuckled looking from her sketchbook up at the clouds, trying to convince herself to forget about her problems, "I've been about. Here or on the Quidditch Pitch. I'm just really good at being ignored, it's kind of been my specialty for years."

"We've all noticed that you've been gone, Andy. It's not something we'd miss. And If I'm being honest, I think Remus and Sirius have noticed a little more because you really confused them with the kissing thing on Padfoot's birthday," James tells her, innocently teasing her about kissing two of their best friends.

She couldn't help but snort, running her fingers through her hair, "I'm sure they have. Well serves them right. It's their turn to be confused by my actions, it's not like they did it to me for months on end."

"What do you mean?" asks Peter, finally involving himself in the conversation between cousins.

Alex tucks her hair behind her ears, laughing at the complexity of the situation that she had no intention of involving him in, "Nothing. It's complicated, really."

James rolled his eyes, knowing more of it's complexity than Alex realized, "Last year, you kissed Remus to convince him he wasn't a monster. He pulled away and ignored you. Then on Lily and I's first date, you and Sirius almost kissed but were interrupted by Lily and I thus leaving you confused by that. Then Sirius pulled his little stunt, leaving you to hate him. Last month Remus comforted you after your nightmare, Sirius got jealous. When you took a drink for having kissed a Marauder, Sirius got jealous again and kissed you. Then you left the room after kissing both of them again."

"How the Hell...?" Alex trails off, astonished that he managed to recap every confusing aspect about the situation between her, Remus and Sirius without her having told him a single thing about any of it.

"I knew that there was something going on, Andy. It was obvious. I was going to figure it out eventually. And... they both told me everything after the party," James admitted, chuckling.

"Dude, I thought that you were some kind of psychic or something."

James got up and started to leave the Tower, stopping before descending the stairs to leave her with her thoughts, "My advice to you, Andy, figure out what's going on with yourself before talking to them because they're dumb. But you, you've got too much at risk to be having them mess with your head."

James left, assuming that Peter would follow in suit but he didn't. Leaving Peter and Alex to sit in silence. They had never been in the same room alone before, not intentionally, and needless to say it was awkward for both of them. 

"You're not clever enough for Remus. And you're not funny enough for James and Sirius," Peter randomly declares, breaking the silence.

Alex furrows her brows at the mousy boy, shocked by his sudden urge to insult her after a year and a half of silently hating each other, "Excuse me?"

"You're not good enough for them. You never will be. Remus is too smart for you and Sirius is too funny. And quite frankly, I'm surprised by how much they all like you because you're not good enough for any of us," Peter viciously spits, glaring at her.

Alex leapt up from the ledge, snarling up at him as she pointed her index finger into his chest, "James is my cousin and he loves me more than he'll ever love you, that's number one Rat Face. Number two, honey, I'm smarter than you'll ever be and I can assure you that Remus likes me just fine. Three, Sirius finds me funny, funnier than you, and he definitely thinks I'm good enough for him. Lastly, I don't know what your problem is with me, seeing as I've never done anything to you, but you need to accept that I'm a Marauder whether you like it or not. They love me, I'm their friend and honestly they just tolerate you. So the next time you grow the balls to call me out on my faults, you better take a long, hard look in the mirror because there's a lot more wrong with you than there is with me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be with my cousin and my friends." 

Sirius had realized what he had done. He first went to his hiding place, which was empty with no signs of struggle. Secret Keepers cannot give information over unwillingly, they must voluntarily provide the information. So Peter Pettigrew had truly and intentionally betrayed the Potter's.

Sirius, now furious with himself and the man he once called his friend, decided that he would track him down to avenge his friends. 

When Sirius finally found Peter, they were in a crowded Muggle street and as Sirius began to reprimand the traitor, Peter began to scream at the top of his lungs, "Sirius Black betrayed James and Lily Potter. He provided the Dark Lord with their location because he's a Death Eater."

Before Padfoot could even draw his wand, Wormtail quickly pulled out his wand from behind his back and killed 12 Muggles by blowing up the street with a Blasting Curse. He then cut off a finger, dropping it amongst the rubble as he transformed into a rat and fled into the exposed sewers.

Sirius Black was arrested for being a Death Eater, killing Peter Pettigrew and the 12 innocent Muggles, and betraying the Potters, and was imprisoned in Azkaban without a trial. 

Alex woke up that night, on edge as she stormed straight into the Marauder's dormitory but froze when she saw Peter sleeping soundly in his bed. No one knows that she knows what's going to happen in the years to come and nobody can know, no one will ever know. Though every fiber of her being wanted to smother him with one of his pillows and suffocate him to death, she decided not to but keep a close eye on him from henceforth in case that this dream were ever to become reality.

Alex quietly walked over to James' bed and gently shook him awake, remembering her conversation with Dumbledore from the day before, "Jamie, wake up. I need you to wake up. We really need to talk."

James groggily wiped the sleep out of his eyes, looking at the alarm clock on the nightstand seeing that it was 3:34 in the morning, "Andy, it's 3 bloody in the morning, this better be important."

"Would I have woken you up if it wasn't," Alex asked, annoyed by his whining.

James got out of bed and followed her downstairs, yawning to himself, "No you wouldn't."