Iron Boy [Peter Parker x Male Reader]

Chapter Sixty Two

**This chapter deals with concepts such as depression, anxiety, depressional extremes, and psychological issues. Read with discretion**

I turned the other way.
      And then back.
      And then back again.
      I couldn't do it.
      My head couldn't stop thinking.
      "Smoak, what time is it?" I whispered.
      "7:03 am, sir. I don't mean to be rude, but you've been awake for nearly 52 hours."
      I turned towards the windows.
      I could see the sun just beginning to rise through the dimmed glass.
      I swung my legs over the side of the bed and pushed myself to my feet. I adjusted my sweatpants and grabbed a large sweatshirt off the floor, tugging it on.
      I grabbed a can of body spray off my dresser and doused myself, then walked out of my room. I stopped as my eyes met the door in front of me.
      Charlie's door.
      I shook my head and walked down the hallway to the kitchen. The fridge door was open and I could see a pair of legs beneath the open door.
      It closed to reveal Thor.
      He was wearing nothing but a pair of black joggers. His muscled chest glistened with sweat and he was drinking milk straight out of the carton.
      "...Hey," I said.
     He set the carton down and wiped his mouth with his forearm.
      "Hey."
      I poured myself a cup of coffee, then turned to see Thor's eyes still following me over the top of the milk carton, as he took another drink.
      I met his eyes and he seemed to crumble.
      I frowned and set my coffee down.
      He walked over and stood just inches from me. His chest was level with my face and it was only two inches from my nose. I could smell the sweat from his workout.
      I looked up to his broken eyes and he pulled me into him, holding me tight. I cringed as his sweat covered my cheek, but I slowly wrapped the free part of my arms around his waist.
      "I'm sorry...I wanted to tell you sooner, but I have to leave soon. My people are waiting," he said.
      I pulled back.
      "What?" I said.
      "We're making a city for ourselves. The Asgardians. You're welcome to come. But I can't stay here much longer..."
      I frowned again and looked away from him, using my sleeve to wipe his sweat off my cheek.
      "I can't come with you, Thor. This is my home."
      "I understand...I have to go prepare," he started to walk away, but stopped. "If I don't see you before I leave tomorrow morning...I'll miss you, Little Man. You were like the kid brother Loki and I never had."
      He brought me into a quick shoulder hug and I felt his lips press against the top of my head.
      "Stay safe," he said, then left without another word.
      I leaned against the counter and sipped my coffee.

      I was walking down towards the gym, when I ran into Steve. He had a duffle bag in his hand.
"Where are you going?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed.
"I'm, uh...I'm moving out. Full time. Staying at my place in Brooklyn. The days here are just...tough. I'm sure you get it," he said.
"Yeah..." I said, not meeting his gaze.
He hugged me with his free arm.
"I'll miss you, kid," he said.
I watched as he walked off and disappeared around the corner.
I sighed as I watched him go and continued to the gym.

I poured the noodles into the pot and began to stir them slowly.
"What're you making?" a voice said.
I turned around to see Nat at the counter.
I tried to force a smile, but my lips wouldn't move and it was too much effort to move my face.
"...Mac'n Cheese. Want some?"
"Sure," she said.
I sighed and returned to the pot.
"...how you holding up?" she asked quietly.
"I-"
Breathing suddenly became very difficult.
"Or, how's the pain, I guess?"
"It doesn't hurt as much anymore. I think I've accepted they're gone, I know they are. I just feel...lonely. All the time."
She nodded slowly.
"I mean, at first we lost everyone. I knew that. Wanda was gone. Charlie was gone. Peter. Mj. Ned. But, I still somehow managed to feel at home, you know? But...then my dad and Pep left to live at the lake house. Thor, who was like my...overprotective big brother, is leaving tomorrow. Steve left to go live in Brooklyn. It just feels like everyone's leaving..."
"I'm not going anywhere," she said.
I sniffled a little bit and nodded.
I reached up and turned the stove off, then moved the pot and began to stir in the cheese. I poured a bowl for both of us, then placed spoons in them and slid hers across the counter. She stopped it and scooped some out.
"I've been trying to just keep up with it, y'know? All the work, the crime. We're short handed now, but that doesn't mean we should stop. If you ever feel up for a mission, there's no shortage."
"As much as I would love that, I-I can't. Not yet. But I can send some Ivin Agents your way, the ones that are left anyway. I'm sure they'll be glad to help."
"That would be great."
A silence fell over us and I ate a few bites before suddenly losing my appetite. I stared at the bowl in front of me, then sighed.
"What have you been doing?" she asked.
"Nothing," I said. "I shut the company down...for the most part. I let almost everyone go, except for a few. IRIS is running the company, exclusively. Everything is being automated and operated on a smaller scale. I haven't stepped inside my suit or flown since...since we killed him. I haven't left the compound since, either. I haven't slept in..."
"60 hours," Smoak, chimed in.
"I just- I-"
"Need to get out of here," Nat said. "That's what you need."
I pushed myself away from the counter with the bowl and started to clean up.
"No."
"Y/N...I know it's hard. But you re-"
"I said no, Nat. Drop it."
There was a long moment of silence.
"I'll clean up for you. Go."
I set the sponge down and sighed, then walked out of the kitchen without another word.
I walked down the stairs and into the large main living room.
I fell down on the couch and turned on the tv.
I tried to watch the movie, but my mind kept pulling me elsewhere.
My eyes began to feel heavy, as they always did at night time, but my mind wouldn't go dormant.
I checked my watch and sighed.
6:45.
Tired at 6:45?
I groaned as I stood up and wandered down the hallway to my room.
I pulled my sweatshirt off and tossed it to the floor. I plopped down in my bed and the windows dimmed.
I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, exhausted but not being able to sleep.
I heard a hiss and my door slid open.
"Natasha said you haven't been sleeping," the familiar voice said.
I turned to the door.
"I thought you were leaving?" I said.
"Not until tomorrow morning," he said.
My eyes scanned him.
He was wearing a pair of boxers and a black shirt.
"What are you doing here, Thor?" I said.
He sighed, "I-"
He couldn't find the words.
He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, then layed down and folded his hands over his stomach.
My bed dipped heavily down at his weight.
"What are you doing?"
"You really need to live, Little Man."
"What?" I said.
"I-listen," he sighed. "Half of Earth is gone, Y/N. Half. Think about that. That's a fifty percent chance of surviving. You survived. I survived. Your father, Pepper, Natasha, Rogers, we all survived. We survived, Y/N. And yet, you're throwing your life away."
I sighed and broke our eye contact.
"I don't know how to operate anymore."
"I kno-"
"All my friend's are gone, Thor. I stopped going to school. What do I even do?
"Go outside. Take a walk. Go shopping. Kick some ass. You can't just do the same thing everyday and expect your problems to go away."
"...Do you have to go, Thor?"
"I said you could come with me..."
      "I'll visit. But I can't stay with you. And I can't stay with you because...you're right, I need to start living again. Even if that means starting my life anew."
      "Now you're getting it..."
      There was a long moment of silence.
      "Thank you, Thor..." I mumbled tiredly.
      "You're welcome, Little Man..."
      I felt my eyelids droop even more and before I knew it they slid shut. It took only moments for me to fall into sleep.
      When I awoke, Thor was gone. He left me a letter and a large black jacket to remember him by.