#FFYwp
Chapter 37 - Usual
Nagising ako sa sinag ng araw na tumatama sa mata ko. I turned over to my right and sighed.
As usual, wala na naman ito doon.
I grabbed my phone and saw one text from Tobi.
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Had to leave early again, girlfriend ko. Bawi ako tonight. Dinner?
Napailing ako bago magtipa ng reply.
To: Boyfriend Ko
Sure, boyfriend ko.
Tatlong buwan na halos mula nang mawala si Tito Ashton pero ganon parin ang setup namin.
Dito parin kami tumutuloy sa dating bahay ni Tito Ashton. Gabing gabi parin kung umuwi si Tobi, at hindi ko parin ito inaabutan pagkagising ko. Ganun parin.
Huminga ako ng malalim para pigilan ang luha ko. Masyado pang maaga para umiyak. Mamaya nalang.
My phone beeped.
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
6PM?
I typed in my reply.
To: Boyfriend Ko
Sounds good. I love you.
Binaba ko na ang phone ko pagkapindot ko ng reply button dahil alam ko naman na hindi na iyon sasagot.
Sa loob ng tatlong buwan ay hindi kailanman ito sumagot tuwing sasabihan ko siya ng I love you.
And as much as I want to ask him why he's not saying it back or actually ask him to say it back, I don't want to sound like an insensitive fiancée.
I mean, he just lost his father, ano ba naman iyon kumpara sa hindi ko pagkuha ng sagot sa I love you ko, diba?
Plus the fact that he didn't even had the chance to properly grieve because he was asked to take over their company right away.
Although, I know that he's been taking this whole Chairman of the Board thing too seriously to escape the fact that he lost Tito Ashton. That he's been keeping himself busy, para wala itong panahon para umiyak, at isipin ang nangyari.
Kaya kahit nahihirapan ako ay iniintindi ko nalang.
We'll get through this. I know we will.
Alas-sais na ng gabi kaya naman busy na ako sa pagtulong sa kitchen dahil marami na kaming customers nang biglang tumunog ang phone ko.
It was Tobi. At bago ko pa man buksan ang text niya ay alam ko na agad ang sasabihin nito.
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Sorry, girlfriend ko. I won't be able to make it tonight. Raincheck?
See, I was right. And right there and then, I felt it—that same chest pain.
To: Boyfriend Ko
I understand. Marami pa namang next time. I love you.
Sagot ko dito.
Ilang minuto akong nakatitig sa phone ko para maghintay ng reply pero wala akong nakuha.
As usual.
Mabilis na lumipas ang mga araw, ngunit ganon parin madalas ang mga text na nakukuha ko mula kay Tobi.
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Sorry, girlfriend ko. Ang daming meetings today, tapos ang dami ko pa kailangan tapusin.
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Can't talk right now, girlfriend ko. I'll call you later, okay?
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Sorry I lost track of time sa sobrang busy. Nawala sa isip ko na may usapan tayo. Bukas nalang tayo magdinner?
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Can't make it tonight. Laters, Tangi.
Fr: Boyfriend Ko
Sorry. Bawi ako tomorrow, promise.
Nagtipa ako ng reply.
To: Boyfriend Ko
Sure, boyfriend ko.
Sure, yeah, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm sure some time tomorrow he'll text me with another sorry and a fucking excuse as to why he won't be able to make it.
I mean, I want to, alright? I want to believe he'll finally make time for me. But after countless of cancelled plans and apologies, I just stopped getting my hopes up.
I'm done hoping. I'm done expecting.
Kung babawi siya, ay bumawi nalang siya. Pero tapos na akong umasa, at masaktan.
Right, Addy. Tapos na masaktan? Talaga? Eh bakit naninikip na naman yang dibdib mo?
I just thought our setup after Tito Ashton died wouldn't last long, but after months and months of waiting, I've finally come to my senses that maybe, just maybe, I am holding on too much to who he was before all this.
I've come to realize that the harsh reality is my old Tobi won't ever come back. And I just have to accept that after everything he's been through, he's changed.
I still love him, alright. Don't get me wrong. I still love him despite everything, because when you promise to love a person, and to stay by their side for the rest of your life, you should be ready to go all in. You can't just love them at their best, you can't just love them when it's all fun and games. You also have to love them at their worst.
You have to love them when they're lying in bed, crying at 2am. When they're unable to reply to your every whims. When they're crumbling on the bathroom floor at 4pm.
You have to love them even in uncertain times.
You have to love them even when they're trying to shut you down—shut everyone down.
Kaya kahit nahihirapan ako, kahit nasasaktan ako, ay nandito parin ako, iniintindi ko parin siya.
Because I love him, so damn much.
Napatingin ako sa orasan sa bedside table ko nang marinig ko ang sasakyan ni Tobi.
12:47AM
"Hey." Bati ko kay Tobi pagpasok nito kwarto.
Kahit pagod na pagod at antok na antok na ako ay pinilit ko siyang hintayin para makapagusap man lang kami.
We haven't talked in person for days dahil madalas ay uuwi ito ala una na ng madaling araw kung kailan tulog na ako, at aalis kung kailan tulog pa ako.
"Bakit gising ka pa?" Tanong nito bago ako nito tabihan sa kama.
Yumakap ako dito. "I was waiting for you." Sabi ko.
He hummed but didn't say a word.
I cleared my throat. "6th month pala ni Tito sa isang araw. Anong oras tayo dadalaw?" Tanong ko dito.
Sandaling natahimik ang buong kwarto bago ito magsalita muli. "Bahala na. Pagod na pagod na ako, girlfriend ko. Let's sleep." He kissed my forehead before he turned his back on me.
Pagod narin ako. Gusto ko sanang sabihin, pero minabuti kong manahimik nalang at intindihin nalang ang sitwasyon niya.
He must be very tired running Stratford Inc.
He must be very tired running away from grief.
BINABASA MO ANG
Fall For You
FanfictionThey say "The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.",. And that's exactly what happened.
