Fall For You

Chapter 41 - Opening

#FFYwp
Chapter 41 - Opening

Every day, for the past year, I've been waking up with a pit in my stomach of missing the one person in this entire universe whom I loved, deeply. And every day, I would ignore that same feeling, and get on with my life.

More than a year and the pit is still there. Just like today.

I sighed and let myself get lost with my own thoughts under the shower.

Hindi ko na napigil ang hikbi ko nang maramdaman ko ang pagdampi ng labi nito sa noo ko.

Sunod kong naramdaman na pinagdikit nito ang noo namin. "I love you. I may be a year late, but I just want you to know that I still love you. Always have. Always will." He whispered.

"And so I am letting you go." Anito.

Sandaling natahimik ang paligid. Tanging ang mga hikbi at malalalim na hininga nalang namin ang bumalot sa tahimik na kapaligiran.

"Girlfriend ko, I'm sorry for taking advantage of you, for not caring enough to try and fix myself, for hurting you, for making you feel like crap for the past year. I wish I could just ask for your forgiveness and promise that things will get better, but you're right, we can't be together, not right now, not like this."

Nanatiling nakapikit ang mata ko. Niraramdam ko ang bawat salitang binibitawan niya kasabay ng pagragasa ng luha sa mukha ko.

"I could never be what you need me to be, atleast not right now, not with me like this. I also can't undo the things I've done, nor can I take away all the pain I've caused you." Nabasag ang boses nito.

Sunod sunod na malalalim na hininga ang ginawa nito. He was obviously struggling with every word—we both were. "But what I can do, is to make sure you don't go through that again. The best, and the only thing, I can do right now to somehow make things right, is to let you go."

"I am letting you go, my love. I won't hold you back while I am trying to fix myself. I'll go counseling, attend therapies, whatever I have to do to fix myself, I will do it. For you. For my dad. For myself." Naramdaman kong humiwalay ito mula sa pagkakadikit ng noo namin.

"Look at me, please." He pleaded.

Kahit nanlalabo ang paningin ko dahil sa dami ng luha ko ay pinilit ko parin tignan si Tobi.

Basang basa rin ng luha ang pisngi nito.

Bakit kailangan ganito kasakit? Tangina.

He faked a smile while looking at me intently. "You waited for me long enough, so I won't ask you to wait for me anymore. My love, you don't have to wait for me anymore. I want you to live your life, travel, party, have fun, take risks, hell, date men if you want to, find the love you deserve—fuck, it hurts to even say that, but that's the price I'll have to pay for hurting you, for taking advantage of your love." Tuloy tuloy na sabi niya. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko.

"And if one day, we meet down the road, and you still feel the same about me—if you still love me, and is willing to accept me, I'll marry you in a fucking heartbeat. But for now, I want you to be happy—happier than you were when you were with me." He kissed my lips one last time before he walked away.

And that's exactly what I did, I lived my life. I travelled, I tried dating, I took risks I was so afraid to take before—like opening up a second branch.

So here we are—one year, 6 countries, 10 dates with 0% success rate, and another La Grâce branch later.

Am I happy? Maybe? But not completely.