So here we have the scores for task 1: A Feast Fit For A King. I am going to upload the entries in a short moments time and then you will vote for which ones you think are best. (you may vote for your own) Every vote will add points to your score.
And now a little something out the entries, I really enjoyed reading them but one thing really stood out. Occisora's speech. So few of you made it your own or added to it. So many of you just copy pasted it. I will not be putting the speeches in the comments in future. This is a competition to showcase your writing skills not to copy mine!
The ranks are decided by the combination of my scores are the amount of votes the entry receives so vote for your favourites!
And now the Scores (All scores are out of 12) :
District 1:
Male: Jet Flash [ScarlettDragone] 7
I really liked your Writing and the way you portrayed Jet. A few spelling and grammar errors and a lot of the sentences are quite short, not disturbingly so but keep it in mind so they don become so.
Female: Axis Rose [awritersdisguise] Not received
District 2:
Male: Haeden Pierce [FrankieWritesBooks] Dropped out
Female: Erin Jones [theoriginalsfanfic] Dropped out
District 3:
Male: Jay Calder [Immortal-Lies] 6
Your writing needs a lot of work. The dialog seems forced a lot of the time and not all of the sentences flow very well. You also need to remember the apostrophes.
Female: Ki Jepto [ScarlettDragone] 7
I like it. The dialog seems a bit forced and there are quite a few type-o's. Ki keeps referring to "her boyfriend"even in her thoughts. I think this is strange, wouldn't she refer to him by name?
District 4:
Male: Eugene Weiss [-LovelyButterfly-] 6
I like the beginning but then you just rush right through it which is such a shame I would have liked to know more about this character. You need to keep an eye out for spelling and grammar. you made a few silly mistakes but all in all not bad.
Female: Amabel Trython [AwesoMEbeing_] 9
There are a few sentences written in past tense while the rest is in pressant, keep an eye out for that. Very good writing. some of the interactions seemed a bit off to me. a bit starined but keep up the good work.
District 5:
Male: Lumen Wye [SoupForBrains] 10
You need to read over your work there are a few silly mistakes in the spelling and grammar. Over all very good, both the writing and the story line.
Female: Cynthia Jackson [FrankieWritesBooks] Dropped out
District 6:
Male: Vulcan Shrine [cardshark07] 10
I like your writing, Vulcan is a very interesting character. The way you sent it provided some difficulties, please email it next time. Keep en eye on your grammar.
Female: Raelene Versille [FlaxFlame] Not received
District 7:
Male: Miles Wilson [TeamQuirky] 8
Good storytelling, I like it. You need to watch your spelling and grammar but the rest is good. I really like what you did with Occisora's speech.
Female: Florence Cicamore [redtipedrose] Not received
District 8:
Male: Jasper Flint [_Blackcat_13] 5
The story doesn flow very well, it seems a bit like a string of separate events. You really, really need to keep and eye on the tenses. You start off in past tense and then move to pressant tense and back again switching through out the whole piece of work. When ever someone speaks you use "says", try variations like, whisperes, answers, mutters, etc. There are quite a few spelling errors. Their Is spelled ei not ie.
Female: Eileen Fletcher [-LovelyButterfly-] 7
You make a lot of basic spelling and grammar mistakes that a quick re-read would solve. It might make it easier to read if you space out the paragraphs and make a clearer distiction when Eileen is being dragged back into reality from her thoughts.
District 9:
Male: DEAD
Female: Octavia Kingston [_Blackcat_13] 5
This flows well in the beginning and the end apart from a few sentances but the entire middle part... This is something you need to work on. If you need to make your entries a bit longer as to create a better flow. You really need to work on your spelling and grammar, there are a few sentances I can barely understand. TENSES!!!
District 10:
Male: Tobias James Haycraft [unobtrusive-] 10
I LOVED how you made Occisora's speech your own by not quoting me word for word and adding Tobias' thoughts, bravo. This work is very well written. It flows well and shows you have a lot of talent and potential. The length for a story chapter is great, for a competition not so much. (good thing you sent it so early) I read all of it with pleasure but found it hard to fit into my scedule. One thing that really irked me (and will always irk me), anyways is NOT a word. Anyway is. one more thing, first you say "the escort" then you call her "
Catryna" which from context can be understood to be the escort but when you call her by her last name so out of the blue it can be quite confusing.
Female: Mira Matthews [trix463] 5
You forget to put spaces in certain places. The dialog is forced and unrealistic. You tend to muddle up the tenses and your spelling and grammar are not good. You re-read your entry before sending it. Most of the sentances don flow together very well they are just seperate sentances put one after the other. The ending seems abrupt. All in all, you have a lot to work on.
District 11:
Male: Darren Bailey [awritersdisguise] Not received
Female: Evelyn (Eve) Jenson [Mormon4life] 4
Occisora is the head gamesmaker not the president. I thought Eve's thoughts between Occisora's speech were very funny. It starts very abruptly. It took me a while to understand where she was. And the night before the feast starts strangely and suddenly. I thought they were still on the train. The writing that there is is good, it needs work but it is good I just wish there was more of it.
District 12:
Male: Michael Jameson [Megamike42] Not received
Female: Seaver Parish [AnonymousRice4] 6
It is not bad writing by far. it just needs work. I am not sure how I feel about the captions signaling where they are at what time. The story does flow around it but it kind of disrupts the story. Did the escort really say blah, blah, blah"? This is strange to me and there does not seem to be an explanation to why she was so grumpy.
YOU ARE READING
Writers Games; Alliances
FanfictionThese are the Games where alliances are made and broken. Who can you trust? Who can't you turn your back to for a single second? To survive you must join forces but the people you choose to work with can get you killed. You must be sly and cunning...
