𝘪𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 → 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 ✓ ¹

FOURTEEN ; mistakes

( Chapter Fourteen )

MISTAKES

real life ft. Diana !

"I can't do this anymore. I will throw up." My back felt like a million killer snakes were sinking their teeth into it, over and over again. 

My arms that were planted on the ground threatened to drop to the ground from holding up my body weight. Everything in my body was in agony, begging to stop. 

"I give up, no more." Harry huffed out, falling onto the floor. I would call him mellow dramatically but I'm getting to that point too. 

"10 more seconds," Robert yelled over his music

. Music is 'motivational' apparently, I disagree completely. Especially because it's the Jonas Brothers, they are the last things I want to hear while working my ass off. 

"5...4...3...2...time! Congrats you have finished your workout with the one and only Robert Denise!" 

I plopped down onto the hard ground. Its coldness felt nice on my sweaty face. I do dislike working out, there are a million different things I would rather be doing than this. 

"Now get up, you need to stretch. You'll only be sore tomorrow if you don't relax those muscles," Robert told us, lightly kicking my side. 

"You know what's relaxing? Taking a hot bath. Perhaps some candles? Some bubbles... now that sounds relaxing." I explained, hitting Robert's leg as he passed me. 

He ignored my antics, walking over to Niall and Louis who were in the middle of a conversation. 

Pushing myself off the ground, I winced as I sat up, my body tensed up from my sudden movements. "I don't know about y'all but I'm going back. Can't stand being in here a moment longer." 

"I second that," Zayn spoke up, already walking towards the gym doors, and opening them. 

"I will be back later, don't use up all the hot water you two!" Niall yelled towards us, I lightly waved to acknowledge him as I walked outside. 

We started making our way back towards the apartment. I lightly kicked the loose rocks on the road as we strolled. "We should have taken a car to get here," Zayn complained, placing his hands into his hoodie pockets. I have no idea how he wore that the whole time. I barely survived in my tank top. 

"Agreed, thank God that it's only a 5-minute walkthrough, I would have never come in the first place if it was longer, but Robert would've made us come no matter what. What am I saying." 

"True, that lad is definitely on something I tell you." 

"I wouldn't put it past him." 

We started walking up to our building and walked to the 5th floor. The way up being more tiring than usual. I'm really out of shape, god oh mighty. 

Zayn unlocked the front door, holding the door open allowing me to walk in first.

It seemed to be a force of habit from doing it for his mom and sisters for so many years. I doubt he even realizes he does it at this point. 

The boys try to call back home as often as they can, being far away from home for so long is tolling on them. I've talked to most of their families. All are wonderful. 

Liam's mom, Karen, definitely has a special place in my heart. When we first talked she insisted that we swap numbers so we could talk more often and that's exactly what we did. 

It's weird having somebody checking up on me all the time. But it's also really nice. 

She has such a kind soul to her. Liam's sisters are also very nice. I like all of the boy's families. 

They all have already made plans to head home for Christmas this year, Liam's mom demanded that I come home with him for Christmas. 

Telling me nobody deserved to spend Christmas alone. Even though I insisted that I am perfectly okay with just having some me time, she didn't give me much of a choice.

Liam's birthday was a couple of days ago, this was his first birthday away from his family so it was kinda hard on him and his family, so we tried making it as special as possible. We took him to his favorite restaurant for lunch, then spent the day at the beach. It was really fun for everyone. 

I gifted him with a couple of poem books and a new set of headphones since Louis broke his last pair. Those two were always fighting and getting sassy with each other. They acted the most like siblings out of all of us. More than Louis and I, which is just crazy. 

"You can get the first shower." I offered to Zayn as he closed the door behind him. 

"No, you're okay. I need to check up on some emails anyway, besides you smell." 
He laughed, sitting down at the dining table.

"Ha ha ha, very funny," I replied, partly falling at being sarcastic because I started laughing at the end of my sentence. 

It was so hard to not be goofy around Zayn. He has such a welcoming and funny aura surrounding him. 

I walked the short distance to my room, quickly some clothes, plopping my phone onto my bed. Shutting the bathroom door, I quickly locked the door behind me. 

I stood in front of the mirror as I undressed, staring at my own body as I did so. My tired eyes looked back at me, almost scaring me as they glared back.

Evidence of my lack of sleep is illustrated in the forms of the black circles underneath my eyes reflected in the mirror. 

I turned around so I could see my back, the unpleasant scarring reflecting on the mirror. A remembrance of my dirty little secrets.

My body shivered as the cold air hit my unclothed body. Some things are meant to stay a mystery, no matter how overwhelming it was. 

I stepped into the shower, allowing the hot water to run down my head as I lightly ran my hands through my hair. It was getting harder and harder to not get attached to these boys. 

They have done nothing but accepted me and everything about me, I feel bad about giving them a difficult time sometimes, but I have rules to follow. Rules that kept me prudent to danger. 

I can't afford to lose another person. But these last three months are proving to make it harder and harder. It doesn't help that their families are accepting me too. 

What will the boys think when the secrets finally come out? That I haven't told them everything there is to know about me? I have to make sure they never do find out.

Being caught vulnerable is a cost I can't afford. It's for the weak and being weak is something I am not.

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