Cursed Fate

Chapter 22- the light at the end of a long tunnel

(Y/N) POV:

When I heard all seven of them promise, it did help the panic abate but the hollowness I was feeling, the utter sense of loss and defeat had made me feel like I was a shell, lost in an endless abyss of darkness and completely lost with no hope of getting out. We all made our way downstairs, setting down into the chairs around the dining table, the boys all started making conversation but I couldn't find the will in me to respond or interact, words flying over my head, the habitual fidgeting of my fingers began but they were shaking too, trembling violently and I needed to fist them tightly to prevent anyone from noticing.

I was staring intensely at the table, so immersed in the act that I didn't realise that they had been trying to get my attention until a hand came to gently rest on top of my clenched hands. I looked up, to see Hoseok looking at me with worried eyes.

"Hey, you back with us?" he said, words low so only I could hear him.

I looked at him slightly puzzled.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"We've been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes." He said.

Oh.

"Is there something worrying you?" he asked but this time I knew despite the bustling activity of the kitchen and the phones the maknaes were competing against each other on, their ears were turned towards our conversation.

There was a lie at the tip of my tongue, that I'm fine, there's nothing bothering me. But I remembered the promise I had made to Seokjin, I had promised to try my best. I also remembered another promise I had made a long time back, one that came to surface on days like today. That I'd try to be happy. That I'd let myself move on. It was one I struggled to keep.

"Yes." I said and that word alone stressed the agony that I was trying to keep at bay, I couldn't keep the tremble out of that word nor could I stop the prickling sensation that stung at the corners of my eyes, I scrubbed furiously at my eyes determined not to let any more tears to fall, nor would I ruin the atmosphere.

I heard the others scramble to surround me, but I twisted away slightly.

"Not now..." I whispered, I knew all it would take was one more nudge and my walls would crumble to dust and the façade I had held for so long, of being strong and unbothered, would come crashing down.

"No, you need to eat first." Seokjin said as he and Yoongi set down the dishes onto the table.

Though the food smelt great and no doubt tasted it too, today the usually appealing sight and smell of food just made my stomach churn with nausea, I wasn't going to be able to keep anything down. I knew that from experience. Nausea rolled through my body in crashing tides and I gripped the edge of the table tightly, knuckles whitening with the tightness of the grip.

"Come on (Y/N), your stomach emptied itself last night. You need to eat." Namjoon said and whilst I'd never normally hesitate to eat, just the thought of food going into my mouth was enough for my throat to tighten in repulsion.

Yoongi was sitting next to me, Jimin on my other side, and he began silently serving food onto my plate, filling it up. I eyed the smoothie and I could already envision the thickness as it sealed up my throat, so I just reached out for the jug of water filling my glass before taking small, careful sips.

I felt eyes boring into me from my right side and then a gentle tapping on my hand.

"Aren't you going to eat (Y/N)-ah?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"I don't think it'll stay down." I said, ashamed that they went to so much effort, but I couldn't eat it.