I Am YOU || Bang chan

chapter 6

A/N- you can listen to the song while reading. Gives you the feels.)

Chan's pov

"CHAN HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU? "

I jumped at the sudden scolding, abruptly stopping the dance. I wonder what did I do wrong.

"Don't you understand? Put the left foot back and swing the right hand on the third beat! What is so difficult about it ?" The choreographer scolded me.

"Uh okay. " I nodded and started again for the 5th time.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST LEAVE FOR NOW! " He shouted again and went out slamming the door behind him. I stood there in shock, even though I wanted to cry, my tears had dried long time ago.

"H-hyung, are you okay?" The boy with braces came to me. Jeongin was his name as far as I remember. He is one of the youngest here.
"i am okay. " I said and walked out and started running towards our soccer field, running always helps.

The ground was empty, no one in sight. I walked upto a tree and sat underneath it, breathing heavily.
What should I do? I don't deserve to be an idol. I am just wasting everyone's time , i closed my eyes  and tried to sleep since that's the only time i don't feel guilty of not fulfilling everyone's expectations.

I can't sleep.

I suffer from Insomnia. My phone was buzzing continuously but i chose to ignore it. I didn't really wanted to talk to anyone. I just wanna get away with this frustrating life.
The phone never stopped buzzing  so i finally picked it up out of frustration. My eyes widened when i saw my notifications.

15 missed calls from Ameiah☆
36 messages from Ameiah ☆

I promised her to meet after the practice so that we could go and buy the paints. It was 1 hour past our meeting time.
Fuck, i disappointed her too just like i disappoint everyone.

Even before i could call her back , my phone buzzed again and the name Ameiah☆ flashed on the screen . I picked up hesitantly, bracing myself to hear her saying that she is disappointed.

"H-hello?" I gulped.

I waited for her to say something but only silence greeted me.

"Hello Ameiah? You there? " I asked skeptically.

"Ch-chan? " She asked lowly, her voice wavering.

"Yeah.." i didn't knew what to say.

"Where...are you? " i heard her sniffing.

"Amy? Are you crying? " I asked her .

"I ASKED YOU WHERE ARE YOU?" Her voice cracked.

I was honestly taken aback. This was so unlike her.
"I am at the soccer field. "

"I am coming ." She hanged up even without giving me a chance to stop her.

Ameiah's pov

I ran towards the field as fast as i could. I had almost lost all my hope when chan picked up the call . I  am so angry right now that i can kill him and not regret it for the rest of my life.

As i entered the ground, I saw Chan sitting underneath one of the trees, burying his face in his hands. More tears rolled down my cheeks as i walked upto him almost silently.

"Chan." I called him, almost whispering in my raspy voice due  to all the crying.

He immediately looked up and stood up.
"I-i am sorry. " He said looking directly in my eyes. My heart tightened as i saw his tear stricken face. "I disappointed you too , right? I am just so useless. "

He is hurting me with those words. It's almost like getting stabbed in the heart.
"Ameiah, you can shout at me ,scold me and maybe it's better if you leave me ."
I clutched the edges of my skirt tighter as the lump in my throat started to hurt .

"Chan, why?" I asked as a sob escaped my mouth.

"Staying with me will only hurt you. I am afraid of myself. " He looked away.

"I am willing to take the hurt." I say honestly. He looked back at me .
I reached out for his hands, holding them , i let out all the emotions.

"I-i was so scared, i was afraid that I won't ever see you again. I thought you left me . I thought you didn't wanted my help anymore...i thought you didn't wanted to live anymore. " i cried holding his hands , not daring to look up at his eyes.

"I don't want to live." I heard him .

I let go his hands abruptly, it shocked him.

"You told you are my friend! Didn't you? You promised Minho that you'd take care of me, you promised yourself that you will become an idol , didn't you? " I said angrily.

"I did. " he said looking down.

"Fulfill those. " I wiped my tears. "Giving up isn't an option. "

"I am afraid. " His voice cracked.
"I am afraid that I won't make it. Maybe I am not good enough. How will i face my parents if i don't make it? "

"Never give up on a dream that you spent half of your life thinking about. I will be there for you, minho would be there too...
If the results don't come out as expected, don't hate yourself. " I tried smiling at him as both of us tried to stop our tears.

"Ameiah, I am sorry for -" i didn't let him finish his sentence and hugged him without any second thought.

"Don't leave me. " i cried in his embrace. He felt warm, comforting like strawberries and flowers, honey , caramel and vanilla. I don't know how to describe it but it felt home.
I felt his arms going around me embracing me .
"I won't, promise. " I heard his muffled voice.

"I really want to help you chan, just let me know, open up to me..we will work it out. " i said pulling away from the hug.

"Let's meet tomorrow, at my house. I promise I won't hide anything anymore. " He said.

I  nodded.
"Let's go channie, we need to buy paints. " I smiled at him.
"Nah, let's stay like this for a while. " he smiled pulling me into another hug, this one a little tighter and a lot warmer.

We both giggled as i bopped his nose , he looked so cute.

"Thanks." He said ruffling my hair. "For coming in my life."

"Eh, no need. Just teach me Physics in return. " i said making him laugh.

"I can teach you how to make music too. "

"Then I will teach you how to write songs. "

"Deal?" He smiled.

"Deal." I smiled back.