Black Fray (Ruby, Suicideboys Story - completed)

V

Scrim

I was trying to calm myself down. I would normally turn to drink or drugs if I got this irritated or angry but I'm sober. And planning to stay sober. My nerves and my willpower hadn't been tested since I got sober. Hadn't had anger or sadness yet to test me. The drugs where there they just wasn't rubbing them in my face. I saw Ruby on the up and crashing down. He was trying to numb the pain like I used to but I'm not in that head space anymore. The rolling helps me concentrate. To be honest I'm not even tempted by the weed. That was always Ruby's vice. I could take or leave it. It's the motion of the rolling just helps me to focus on something other than temptation or cravings.

When Ruby pulled Shaina's top practically off my first reaction was to punch him. He was so matter of fact, was straight to the point no explanation. She seemed to understand. Then I realised what he was doing. I don't know how he knew but she was covered. Her skin was like a map of abuse. Yellow marks where she was nearly done healing and ones that were newer. This was a regular occurrence for her. My heart wrenched. She was only a little thing, I wonder how many times he's badly hurt her? How many ribs she's cracked? How many times he's forced himself on her? Raped her?

That one made me feel sick. It was getting me angrier. I couldn't concentrate. I could feel the rest mist coming down. I was rocking in my seat my nails scratching down my thighs. My breathing getting heavier. (X) placed her hand on mine, I looked up at her and her eyes where fill of sympathy for me. Me? She had gone through that and she was concerned for me. She was too pure for the shit she had gone through. But she settled me. I felt the red mist fade. I didn't want to scare her and she clearly knew my temper was spiking. Her hand stroked mine soothing me as my breathing went back to normal. I sigh and the release.

Looking up and seeing Ruby watching her comfort me. It looked like he was in pain watching it. I could practically hear his heart breaking. I put my other hand over hers and squoze it. Her eyes dart to mine and I give her a small smile. She takes back her hand knowing she's diffused my fuse.

Not long after the party, if that's what you would call it fizzles out and people head home or to their rooms leaving me Ruby and Shaina.

"I'm going to go for a shower before I get some sleep. Ruby try and get some sleep we have a flight in the morning"  I see him nod to me then Shaina and trundle off to his room. He's been quiet since the whole hand holding situation but I'm not explaining anything to him. I shouldn't have to. Plus he has a girlfriend, not my fault he's got a crush.

After my shower I pull on some sweats coming out of the bedroom drying my hair with a towel. Shaina is completely zonked, flat out on the bed her hair splayed out around her. She must be exhausted. I bet she didn't sleep particularly well when she was with him. The fear he'd hurt her while she slept. She looked completely at ease and relaxed there. Hopefully it's because she felt safe with us. I won't let him destroy her. So she's going to be stuck with me for a while, she better get used to it.

Ruby would come around to the idea, I know him too well. He will bitch and moan for a bit then get over it. He's stubborn like me, doesn't like people telling him what to do. But he's got a major boner for this girl so that will eventually win out. She seems like she could be good for him. Not that I even know if she likes him like that. I did notice her staring at him at the club. She blushed when she looked away, so my guess is there could be something there. Only time will tell with that one, she needs time to heal from this Joe first.

I head out to the balcony for a smoke. The night air whips around me, it's not cold but there's a nip to the wind. There's always noise in London I've noticed, a constant buzz. I lean against the baloney railing looking up at the sky, it's pretty clear for a change here. I love looking up at the stars at night it helps me to relax. They are the only constant in my life. I know wherever in the world I am I can look up and there they are.

I sit contemplating the future. Where do we go from here? What if they aren't a good fit or they decide they don't want to sign with us, does she she just back to London where that piece of scum can get her. Not that I don't trust her band mates but this was going on under there knows for god knows how long. What if it happens again. It's common that women go back to their abusers. I'd happily let her live with me but that means leaving her life and the band if they don't want to sign. She might have family that she doesn't want to leave behind. We didn't know a whole lot about her yet.

I run my hands over my eyes, I need sleep. I throw myself down onto the sofa pulling a blanket over me. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep but it was restless. I tossed and turned all night and it wasn't where I was sleeping it was more what was on my mind. She was like a damsel in distress but I ain't no goddamn  knight in shining armour. I'm bound to fuck this up at some point. I couldn't look after her the way she needs. I can be the muscle but that about it.