"So are we just ignoring that Yoongi smells like a flower shop?"
"Yeah pretty much." That his mother was currently walking around wearing turtle necks and smelling like cheap perfume like absolutely no one could tell what was truly going on was far more amusing than it should have been.
"When do you think he's gonna tell Tae?"
"My guess is he's just gonna let the baby tell him in about five years."
"He does know the scent blockers aren't working, right?"
"Actually he's been having me scent him every half an hour. Apparently the only thing that can cover up cherry blossom is vanilla."
"That just sounds like some bad bath and body store concoction."
"Oh no, it's super great. Makes everyone in a five mile radius sneeze and then wonder why they want cookies so badly."
"So... he is, right?"
"Super knocked up? For sure. I don't think he's actually done anything about it yet though."
"Should we like..." He barely got those words out when the sound of plastic reached his ears, and he looked over to watch as Seokjin emptied an entire grocery bag worth of pregnancy test on to the couch.
"I didn't know which to get so I just got one of each type."
"You know that's not how any of this works, right?"
"Listen, the ones he doesn't use I'll just shove in a closet somewhere. I didn't say I was never going to let you knock me up."
"What a wonderful way to talk about us making our future children."
"You're so whiny, has anyone ever told you that?"
"Just Taehyung."
"And that man is going to be my step father. What did I ever do to deserve this?"
"Sucks to suck I guess."
"I hope you like not getting anything of yours sucked because you just lost that privilege."
...
"So I get that we're ignoring the fact you smell like cheap perfume right now, but I can't keep scenting you all the time." In fact the flower scent was growing so incredibly strong that it was actually starting to rub off onto him, making him feel queasy at best.
"We aren't ignoring it because there's nothing to ignore."
"Okay, fine, we can go with that. But just to be real sure." Waking over towards where he had placed his backpack when he had first entered the apartment, he reached into the front pocket and retrieved one of the test he had brought, a double pack of digital read outs that he then dropped directly into the other's lap.
"Are you trying to tell me something?"
"That you're super knocked up? I've been trying to tell you that for weeks."
"I'm not -"
"Okay, say you're not. Then you just proved me wrong. But you and I both know it's not gonna be negative and we also both know that's why you don't want to take it."
"I feel so attacked right now."
"You're gonna feel be whooping my shoe at you if you don't go."
"Yah, you little brat. I'm still your mom."
"And the second I become mated you go out and replace me. Let's. Go."
...
"This thing is taking forever."
"You literally just took it. Calm yourself."
"Listen, until you're on the other side of this you don't get to talk."
"Want me to take one with you?"
"Only if I can pretend it's mine and hold on to my delusions a bit longer."
"Sure, if it'll help you feel better. But I really don't get what's so bad about all of this."
"I'm old, Seokjin. I was supposed to have babies when I was young and dumb."
"Well you definitely accomplished that."
"Unfortunately."
"Hey!"
...
"Okay no, it's seriously been at least ten minutes."
"It's been fifteen seconds. Chill."
...
"How does it only have three bars?"
"Because you're making it nervous. Sit your entire ass down."
...
"I think it's broken."
"That's it. You're banned from the bathroom."
"But it's my test!"
"And it's my sanity. Boy bye."
...
"Seokjin?"
"Yeah?"
"It's been five minutes."
"I'm aware."
"Is it seriously not done yet?"
"No, it is. I was just trying to get you that negative one you wanted."
"Mother fucker."
...
"Okay, seriously, how does it take to get a negative pregnancy test?"
"That depends."
"On what?"
"How long it's gonna take you to go get me another one because I think these are defective."
"Okay, first of all, I told you so, and second of all, what made you change your mind?"
"Because this one came out positive too."
"Mother fucker."
