Life wasn't fair.
And honestly, he was tired of fighting.
Even when the only true enemy was himself.
...
There was no apology. He wondered why he even expected one.
Seokjin was an enigma that he was never going to understand. A complicated mess of emotions and thoughts that had never once made any sense.
There was never going to be a happy ending for their story. And again he wondered why he had ever expected one.
Their story was a mess of miscommunications and missteps, lies and falsehoods, of two people trying again and again without ever getting it right.
Seokjin was too young for what was happening around him. For what was happening to him. Nineteen was, realistically, too young to experience the magnitude of life's choices, the cause and effect. Didn't understand what it meant to be someone's mate let alone actually act out that role in any real scenario.
They had both let their hearts guide them in making that decision. But it seemed like neither their minds nor their hearts were capable of doing what was good for them.
Once he had thought the most painful thing had been losing Jimin. Now he realized that pain had been nothing compared to what he currently felt each and every single day.
...
Namjoon was, in every single way, better than him. That was a message that he had gotten loud and clear. Namjoon had been right where he had been wrong. Namjoon had been intelligent where he had been moronic. Namjoon had been understanding and compassionate where he had been demanding and belittling.
Once he had thought that Seokjin didn't know how to act around an alpha because he had never been around one. It was far too late before he realized that Seokjin knew what he was doing perfectly well, only he had been expecting someone who was whole instead of the broken mess he had been given. A perfect alpha. An alpha like Namjoon.
He couldn't even counter it by saying he had been expecting an omega like Jimin, because Seokjin was as close of a match as he was ever going to get. Jimin had been utterly perfect and Seokjin had somehow topped him, weighed down his side of the scale until it was threatening to break the floor below.
Seokjin had lived up to expectations and he had not.
No wonder Jimin couldn't stand staying mated to him.
...
"So tell me about this fight."
"I don't think it really matters."
"It's bothering you, so obviously it does." Of course his therapist would see directly through all of the walls he built and break them down with practiced ease.
"I think it bothers me more that he doesn't trust in me. Even when I give him advice, he still goes behind my back and gets it from someone else."
"Some might say it's wise to get a second opinion."
"But he gets it from another alpha. And he knows about what happened with Jimin."
"And you're afraid that what happened with Jimin might happen again."
"Of course. I mean, how couldn't I be?"
"Had he ever given you any indication that you can't trust him?"
"Yeah. When we first met, he didn't tell me how old he actually was. And then right before we became mated, he didn't tell me he was with this same alpha. He even ignored my calls and texts."
"I can understand why those things would make you leery of trusting him. But had he ever given you any reason to doubt his faithfulness?"
"No. Not really."
"And after the first incident, did he become better about telling you where he was?"
"Yeah. I mean, he always told me before too but now he's really diligent about it."
"And does he still spend time with this other alpha."
"Yeah."
"And does he tell you about it when he does?"
"Yes. Always."
"Does he answer your calls and text when he's with him?"
"Mostly. Sometimes he ignores them, but only when I start getting really needy."
"And what does all of this tell you?"
"That I'm the problem."
"I think there are some issues that you need to work on. Your jealousy, first and fore most. Learning to let go, to acknowledge that you won't always be right and that it's okay for him to get advice from other sources. I think it's also important for you to stop comparing him to Jimin."
"I don't... okay no, that's a lie. I do. I always have."
"I really think that needs to stop, Jungkook."
"Yeah. You're right. Of course you are."
"I'm going to give you some more things to work on. First, I want you to sit down with Seokjin and set some very clear boundaries. Both for yours and his. That way you both know what the other expects and needs. Second, I need you to start working on throwing away the comparisons between him and Jimin. You will be infinitely happier once you do."
