SHE

Chapter 75: Her Lifelong Friend

Rue Scarce

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"Hey, Ebony. My brother says he needs-- Oh." Cavis sounded bewildered but the two of us in the room didn't move a muscle as the intruder silently stared at the frozen scene.

"Excuse me." His tone was surprisingly calm as he steps out and closes the door slowly.

Cavis cursed again and loudly if I may add behind the door before walking away, leaving Vindik and I in an awkward position.

We were silent for a moment, neither of us moving from our places. Then Vindik moved, he raised his head and a soft sensation touched my forehead.

I realized that his lips connected to my skin and I felt something bursting in my chest. It's a strange feeling.

"I should go." He whispers, his hand brushing my hair and the other squeezing my hip.

I nod my head instead of speaking as he breathes in the top of my head.

Without intention, I savoured his warm touch until he pulled away and I suddenly felt cold.

I didn't look towards his direction and merely stared at the wall until the door closes and I closed my eyes.

What was I doing?

I am slowly giving in to something I would definitely regret. I am not sure if I could last and I'm not sure what it is that I'm suddenly feeling.

These emotions I am currently feeling, they're foreign to me and I don't know how to approach it nor do I know how to handle it. I'm afraid it won't be long until this confusion breaks me.

I lowered my gaze, hug myself with both of my arms, and grit my teeth.

What is this?

I feel like my heart is going to burst in any second. Cold air introduced itself to me and I felt my whole body quiver.

This isn't good. I'm lowering my guard in the middle of my mission. For all I know, this cruise is filled with enemies and I am leaving myself defenseless.

I'm becoming vulnerable.

These feelings... Real or not, they're confusing me and eventually it'll weaken me. I should not let that happen. Not while I'm still in my right mind.

Clenching my jaw, I slowly moved towards my luggage. Though it was difficult, I managed to find what I was looking for. A unique hairpin my husband gave me for precautionary measures.

I pushed the blade out with one hand, pulling the left sleeve of the polo I wear aside, and pressed the blade on the skin of my upper arm.

I sliced open a wound without so much as a sound and let the pain engulf my whole body.

I closed my eyes and I felt myself relaxing at the familiar pain.

Pain is my wake-up call.

Pain has been there for me for as long as I can remember.

Pain is not a strange thing for me.

For me, pain is a friend.

It will never be forgotten and will always be there, a constant reminder of who I really am.

The familiar cold and wet touch crawling down my skin and the metallic scent of blood reached my nose like oxygen.

It smells good. I'm addicted to it. And I will continue to draw out more of it from other people because that's who I am. A mere tool for killing. Without emotion and without feeling anything.