safe - h.s (EDITING)

thirty-five

After hesitating for a very long time, I explained everything that happened with Jack to Harry. He knew Jack had done something really fucking wrong and caused me a lot of trauma but he didn't know the specifics until I told him. As much as it hurt me, I wanted to tell Harry. He was the only person who knows what happened that night.

My parents and grandma knew he touched me and made me uncomfortable but I never explained that he raped me. That he took the privilege of losing my virginity to someone I cared about away from me.

It was bad enough when my parents told me I was 'asking for it' because I wore a skirt and crop top that night. My grandma was quick to defend me but my parents just shot her down, telling her it was none of her business.

My sister didn't know anything about it really. I told her that he just said some hurtful things towards me and didn't some bad things. I never explained to her was happened, not even the slightest. I was too scared to tell anyone because when I tried to I was told that it was my fault.

It was my fault because of either the way I dress or the way I acted. Fuck I even got blamed because apparently looking in someone's direction is asking for it. The worst part is, I didn't even get to tell people the full story before I got blamed.

I would tell them he touched me and they would blame me. I would tell them he kissed me and they blamed me. I would tell them he drugged me and what do you know? They fucking blamed me.

The only person who hadn't blamed me was Harry. He blamed everything on Jack. He said it didn't matter if I wore 20 layers of clothing or absolutely nothing at all, it wouldn't be asking for it unless the words came out of my mouth saying I wanted it. He said it didn't matter if I was acting like the biggest flirt in the world or being a complete bitch, I still wasn't asking for it.

Although I knew what he said was true, part of me also believed my parents. Part of me also believed everyone who was telling me I was asking for it because of the things I did. I guess when you constantly have people telling you the same thing over and over, you slowly start to believe it. You slowly start to believe everything they all say because you haven't heard anything from anyone else to say otherwise.

I could see the anger and hurt behind his eyes. I appreciated he was trying to keep his cool around me but I also understood if he got mad or upset.

The number of times he said "fuck", "shit" or called Jack a "fucking selfish asshole" was countless. He cursed and let out profanities for a while and I let him. I would do the same if I were him honestly.

We eventually fell asleep and by the time I woke up, Harry had already gotten up and left the room. I rolled over and checked the time to see it was 10:37 am. I laid in bed, exhaustion and fatigue taking over my body rather fast. I forced myself to get out of bed, wanting to put myself to some use today.

I got a quick glimpse of myself in Harry's mirror and I cringed at the sight. My eyes were extremely puffy and my cheeks were slightly swollen. My hair was an absolute mess and my clothing was all crumpled up. I quickly tried to smoothen out my hair a bit and I rubbed my sensitive eyes before making my way over to the door. I opened it and stepped out, making my way to the kitchen.

I looked up to see Harry on the phone in the kitchen as Willow was minding her business in the lounge room. Harry looked up, his gaze locking with mine for a brief moment. He mumbled into the phone about calling them back and hung up before placing his phone on the counter and facing me again.

"Who was that?" I asked, my voice hoarse from the night before.

"Just Louis," he said nonchalantly and my eyebrows furrowed as I made my way around the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. I basically down the whole glass before speaking.