safe - h.s (EDITING)

thirty-eight

TW: mentions of self-harm, abuse, etc.

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"About 6 months ago my mental health was probably at one of the worst times it's ever been in my life. I was constantly drinking and smoking and distracting myself with whatever I could to get away from not only everything at home but everything in my head. One night I was hanging out with some people that I wouldn't even call friends and I'd had a lot to drink. I went back home and my dad hit me for being drunk and my mum and I had yet another screaming match," I began to explain, stalling a little on the worst part.

"My grandma came in and checked on me before going back to sleep. Around 4 am I still hadn't slept but I was beginning to sober up or at least I thought so. I went into my parent's room and I tripped, falling to this bookcase thing they had. They had some sort of glass ornament thing on it and I fell basically shattering everywhere," I explain further. I knew he would see me differently after this but I don't know why I couldn't stop myself from telling him.

"My parents woke up and started screaming at me once again. I had given up on everything at that point and I simply didn't want to live so I uh..." I trailed off, not knowing how to word it. Harry's right hand moved to place itself on my thigh in a calming manner and I sighed.

"I picked up a shard of glass on the ground and I cut up my wrists to show my parents the damage they had done. I cut from here," I say removing my hand from his and point to the scar on my wrist, "to here," I explain pointing from where the scar started at the begging of my wrist to where my elbow point was.

"I did it on both arms, as you can see," I say showing him the inside of my other arm. I know he knew about the scars but he didn't know the story behind them and he never bothered to ask.

"I stood there in front of them, arms bleeding non-stop only for them to yell at me for making a mess. They got mad because I got blood on their clean floors. They didn't care that the loss of blood could've fucking killed me," I explain looking out to the horizon. The sun had now fully disappeared and the night was set in place. I sighed shaking my head.

"I literally ran out of their room and out of the house. I kept running until I passed out on the side of the road. I woke up a day later only to find out it was my grandma who went looking for me and found me injured on this side of the road, completely knocked out. When I fell I ended up hitting my head on a rock and got a head injury but I never actually knew what happened because my parents never told me but my grandma told me everything she could. She saved my life when I didn't even want to save myself," I mumbled as I continued to look out at the sky.

"You probably think I'm some crazy psycho or something now," I say with a small sarcastic chuckle. Harry hadn't replied yet and I began to worry. When I looked up to his face, my breathing stopped and I felt my heart shatter in my chest.

Harry was sitting there staring at my wrists, tears weld up in his eyes. Not once have I ever seen Harry show much sadness, let alone tears. Yes, he got angry and happy and obviously got sad about things, but he never showed enough sadness to let himself cry. The tears hadn't fallen they the glassiness in his eyes was enough to show what I had told him made him very emotional.

"I-"

"Please don't hurt yourself ever again baby okay? I don't care how much pain you're in or-or how much you don't want to be here. You can't fucking leave. Just thinking about it makes me so fucking sad and hurt and I don't fucking know but it's too much and you can't. You just can't leave baby. Please just don't leave," he rambles out, his voice breaking a few times as it wavers and I go to say something else but he cuts me off.

"If you ever feel like that again promise me you will tell me. Promise me you won't hurt yourself or try to k- fuck I can't even say it, that's how fucked up the thought has me. Jesus Christ I can't lose you angel you're literally all I have," he continues and I grab either side of his face, turning it to face my own.