It's Not Easy

We need her

I‘ve been trying to start recording another solo album for about two years now. It hasn‘t been easy, one or the other just had to get in the way. I wasn‘t sure if my ideas for new songs weren‘t right, the lyrics, the melodies, whatever it was, it wasn‘t working. I put it all aside for some time and took a very much needed vacation. I left on my own and had the most relaxing time ever. I returned home not that long ago, thinking I might have answered why I‘ve been failing to do a new album. I‘ve missed a group of certain people. I don‘t want another solo attempt, I miss Fleetwood Mac. That is very hard to admit, but... When I left, things weren‘t pretty. Everyone was fighting, still drinking and using drugs heavily. I wanted to be away from that as far as possible, so I quit. My decision didn‘t go well with the rest of the band. I was selfish about it now that I think of it, but I wasn‘t well, I had to escape from it all. Nine years have passed since then and I feel like I can dial Mick Fleetwood’s number and have a chat about possibly working together again.

After two days since he and I talked, Christine, John and Mick himself are sitting in the living room of my house. I can’t lie and say I’m not disappointed by the absence of Stevie, but I understand why she’s not here. The four of us spend some time catching up, nearing the topic we’ve all gathered here to discuss. It’s amazing how we can openly talk about some of the touchy subjects or even laugh about stupid things we’ve done or said to each other in the past.

“So, Lindsey.” Mick starts and I know where he’s going to go with this. “You called me, you asked us here, you tell us what this is.”

“Gee, Mick, straight to the point! Well…” I’m not sure where or how to begin. “I’ve been struggling with my music lately. I’ve tried really hard, but nothing came out of the demos I had recorder or anything new I attempted. What I realized just recently is that I honestly missed you guys, I miss being around you and playing with you.”

“Are you talking about a reunion of the Rumours line up?” Christine follows in Mick’s footsteps, not dancing around the subject.

“Well, I’m not too sure. It was five of us then and I only see four people here now, so…”

“If you’re going to be childish about it, then we shouldn’t even bother talking about this.”

“Mick, please understand me. It’s not easy.” I knew our conversation would take this turn.

“Look.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It doesn’t matter if you want to record an album or tour, all five of us have to be a part of it. If you record an album without Stevie, but with the rest of us that will be Fleetwood Mac minus one vitally important piece. And you can’t just release an album like that under your name either. The way I see it, it has to be me, Johnny, Chris, Stevie and you. As tough as it is to say it, I’m not in otherwise.”

“He’s got a point, Lindsey.” Christine looks at me, at least her eyes show sympathy. “We do need her.”

“What am I supposed to do then?”

“Get over yourself and pick up the phone.” John is usually just an observer, but if he sees it this way too, then I guess they’re right.

“How do I do that?” I exhale deeply. This is the last thing I want to discuss right now. “You have to understand that we have history and some wounds certainly haven’t healed yet.” I look down, avoiding the stares of the other three. “It hasn’t even been that long since our divorce.”

Chris takes a seat next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. “Linds, it’s been a year…”

Her words hit me hard. Has it really been a year since Stevie and I separated? I swear it seems like only a couple of weeks passed since she last was here, in this same house, cooking us dinner, working around the house, swimming in the pool in the backyard, falling asleep on this same couch I’m sitting on right now with her journal in hand and her glasses on the tip of her nose, waking up next to me in our bedroom upstairs, telling me she loved me… I bite hard on the inside of my cheek, I don’t get emotional often, but our break up definitely hurt me like nothing else ever did.

“We’re not saying you two have to get back together, but your songs need her just as well as hers need you.”

“I know, Chris, you’re right, but… I just don’t think I could be around her all the time. It’s hard enough as it is. I’m not ok, I haven’t got over it yet and I don’t think I ever will. It’s fucking painful. Seeing her here, where once was our home together… I couldn’t imagine anything else but falling in love with her all over again.” I think everyone is a little stunned by my sudden rush of emotions, but I have been holding it all in for far too long and these people are my friends, they know me, they know me and Stevie.

“This was your idea, Lindsey. We could, every one of us could call Stevie and try to get her to do this, but I doubt she would be able to make a decision or she might just as well say no without even considering it. She has to know you want her to take part in whatever this will come out to be and that the two of you will make it work somehow.”

“God, I hate myself for saying this, but Mick is right again.” Mick glares at Christine and she simply shrugs, looking back at me. “We don’t have to rush anything. We haven’t made any commitments or any promises, announcements. This is just a thought really. You know where the three of us stand and we know your opinion, now though… You have to think it all through, whether you truly want this and then… then you have to dial her number, Lindsey.”

“I’m sorry if I got you all down here for nothing.”

“Don’t say that and there’s nothing to apologize for.”

“I’ll give this some serious thinking and let you all know if I’m man enough to call my ex wife and tell her I want to record with her again.”

Christine smiles at me and gives me a hug. “I know you are.”

We all get up and I accompany them to the door. “Take care, Lindsey.” Mick says, giving me a bear hug.

John and I say goodbye as well and they leave me to process everything that’s just happened. There’s no doubt in my mind I want to work with Stevie again, the question is, will I be able to set my feelings for her aside?

So, what do you think? :)