It's Not Easy

I can be honest with you?

We woke up, ate and got ready for the day much earlier than we usually do. The level of excitement is high, but there's also doubt, the uncertainty is killing both of us. It's so close, but yet might be so far away or not reachable at all. 

The waiting room is full of expecting couples, they occasionally glance at us, either because they recognize us or maybe because we look too old to be parents, I'm not sure. Sara in Stevie's arms should be proving them wrong if the latter is the case. 

We're not saying much to each other, not because we suddenly stopped enjoying it, but we're definitely both a little on the edge right now. It doesn't help that when I look at Stevie, she looks extra skinny to me, I'm almost convinced there's no baby, but then I have no idea how she looked the first time.

"Mrs. Stephanie Buckingham?" I give her a reassuring nod and take Sara from her. We've agreed that she would go for the tests, procedures or whatever that they do in there and then I would join. 

The wait is exhaustingly long to me, I have so many thoughts running through my mind, the majority of them telling me not to get too excited and hopeful. The only thing I can think of is to distract myself with a one way chat with Sara. 

I lift my head up and see Stevie coming back, she takes a seat next to me again and takes my hand. "How did it go?"

She shrugs, exhaling. "The doctor told me to sit for a while and she'll call as back in a bit."

She's trying to stay calm, but I know exactly how she's feeling. I lean to her side and give her a quick kiss. "We talked about this. It's all good either way, right?"

"Yes."

"If it's not meant to be, we'll be no less happy with our gorgeous angel we have already." I say smiling at Sara and Stevie rests her chin on my shoulder, looking down at her too.

"You're an amazing father, Linds."

"I do the best I can."

The nurse comes out again and calls us in. We sit down, our hands clasped tightly together. I'm nervous myself, but I'm sure Stevie's going crazy at this point. It doesn't help at all that Dr. Anderson is just sitting there, writing something down. I'm not very patient right now. She looks up at last and adjusts her glasses.

“You are having a baby.” Grace, she asks to call her that, finally says and Stevie grips my hand even tighter and flashes the widest grin at me. “I would say about three to four weeks.”

“Is everything fine?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m fifty next year?”

“Don’t worry about it, sure, there are risks, but the biggest struggle is to get pregnant when you’re older, but once you are, it goes like a normal pregnancy if you take care of yourself. This beautiful girl Lindsey's holding is good enough evidence.” She smiles and so do we. "I understand from what you told me, Stephanie, that this is very unexpected?"

"That's true, we just couldn't make it happen when we were way younger. We got checked out and every doctor we consulted told us that it is basically impossible."

"I can be honest with you, yes?"

"Of course."

"How long has it been since either of you took something... illegal? And I mean heavily."

"Years."

"Do you drink much? Smoke?"

"We almost don't drink at all any more and smoking, we both quit long ago, well cigarettes..."

Grace laughs softly and shakes her head. "That is not as harmful trust me. But there is your answer. You've stopped killing yourselves, you're two healthy people now. You're most likely under a lot less stress as well, you're leading a nice family life from what I know and there was no reason left for you not to conceive."

"As there anything else I should start or stop doing?"

“You just have to be careful.”

“She will be, I can swear to you.” I add and that is a promise.

“Good. That’s what I like to hear.”

Dr. Anderson tells the rest of what's to follow, check ups and all that and we stand up to leave.

“Thank you so much.” Stevie says and Grace waves it off.

“It's what I do. Take care of yourself, Stephanie.”

“You can count on it.”

Once we’re out of the building, Stevie and I stand in front of each other for a moment then completely collapse into tears and embrace each other tightly, Sara being almost squashed in between us.

To think that I’m married to the love of my life and we’re expecting a child together is beyond me.

“It's Rhiannon or Lily.” She states, once we’ve calmed down.

I laugh and put my arm around her shoulders as we start walking towards our car. “So it will be a girl?”

“Naturally.”

“I love you with all my heart, angel.”

“Love you too.” She smiles against my lips.