It's Not Easy

A happy accident

A week later we're in my home studio, I convinced even Stevie that this would be the best, it would also be much more comfortable for her than an actual studio. We don't plan on doing much today, I've asked Christine and Stevie both to bring some demos or whatever they have, I'll play something of mine and we'll go from there.

It's the four of us at the moment, Stevie said she would be a little late, but when isn't she? John, Mick and Christine are chatting among themselves and I'm sitting, silently wondering whether it's just me who hasn't known anything that's been going on in Stevie's life these past few months.

"Guys?" I say and all three turn to look at me. "Has any of you seen Stevie lately?" I watch Christine carefully, those two have always been as close as sisters.

"Why, has she cut her hair or something?" Mick jokes lamely. 

"That's not it, no."

"I think we've only talked on the phone with her lately."

"Christine, you know, don't you?"

She doesn't look at me, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "What do you want me to say to you, Lindsey?"

"You've seen her."

"We're friends."

"So are we. You knew I was going to see her, you could have saved me the shock."

"Hey, what are the two of you on about?" Mick looks from me to Christine and back again.

"Stevie is..." She starts, but the doorbell rings cutting her off.

"Here." I finish and go to let her in. I open the door and this time I don't wait for her to let me hug her. "You're not as late as I thought you were going to be."

"I tried." She laughs and we make our way to the living room, where the initial Mick and John's feeling is surprise. "Hey, you guys!"

"You're pregnant?!" 

Stevie rolls her eyes and goes to greet Christine first. "It's obvious, isn't it?"

"Lindsey, something you want to tell us?" 

"That wasn't necessary, Mick." I know Stevie heard it too, but she ignors the comment.

We all sit down and some catching up is a must. I'm glad, because I didn't find out much besides the fact she's seeing a guy named Adam, who's the father of her baby. "Well, tell us then. How did this happen?"

"I thought you knew how babies are made, Mick." 

"Don't be funny, Stevie. Who's the father? Henley? Walsh?"

"Shut up, Mick." He's being very insensible and I can't keep quiet.

"You could say this was a happy accident."

"You weren't planning the baby?"

"Of course I wasn't. I had met a guy, Adam, almost right after Lindsey and I separated. He was very nice to me and I needed someone at the time, he was that person. Long story short, one night I needed him a tiny bit more than just a friend and the result of that is me being over four months pregnant with a baby girl."

"Are you with this guy?"

She hesitates to answer. "Sort of. It's... it's complicated. I don't want to go into any details. That's not why we're here anyway, so..." She looks at me, hopefully, I'd say.

"Yeah, I think we should listen through to what we have." I say and go over to the player to put my demo on I recorded a few nights back. 

"What do we have here?" Mick asks me. 

"This is something I wrote and recorded very recently. It's a rough demo, but you'll get the idea." I can almost hear Stevie's heartbeat, it's not a secret we usually write about each other, she's right to think this will be about her too.

Once again she steals away 
Then she reaches out to kiss me 
And how she takes my breath away 
Pretending that she don't miss me 

The song isn't long and I watch Stevie the whole time. When it finishes, Mick turns to look at her as well. "So, you still miss him?"

"This isn't necessary about me, Mick."

"Oh, come on! It couldn't be more obvious."

"It doesn't matter what my source of inspiration is." I try to tear his attention away from her. "You're supposed to listen to the song, the melody, the words... Don't think who it's about."

"So, it is about Stevie."

"Mick!" Christine joins our side. "Will you lay off? It's a bloody great song, that's what matters! The rest of us will join in and we'll make something very good of it. What's next?" 

"It's Stevie's."

"It's called Sweet Girl." Stevie adds, before I hit play.

I did try to come back and listen
You never knew it
I didn't wish it
And I did hear every answer of every question

You tried to come back? You listened? You obviously heard whatever answers you wanted to hear to the questions you should have asked me if you had any. I spent too many nights by the locked door to once our bedroom, telling you, asking you, what should I change, how can we make us work? Never once did I get an answer from you. I guess, what you didn't wish was to make things work.

"You two can't be serious." Mick is the first one to comment again. "It's like a match of words between an ex married couple. You should sit down and have a talk, not write and play songs to each other."

"I think by now you should have learned it's how Lindsey and I deal with things." I didn't expect her to admit what Mick just said, but okay.

I don't want to get involved, so I put on what Christine brought with her. We listen through it and it could be a fun song, classic Christine. "I definitely can see us putting these songs together."

"When can we get together again?" Mick asks no one in particular. "Tomorrow?"

"I have an appointment with the doctor at 3pm, but I'm free after that." Stevie says. All I can think of is how much I would want that baby to be mine so I could go with her.

"I'm free." Both John and Christine say.

"Okay, tomorrow is good then. How long do you think you're going to take, Stevie?"

She seems to think for a moment. "I could come here about five."

"Then tomorrow at five it is." Everyone nod in agreement and get up to leave, except Mick who stays behind. "Wanted something?"

"Are you genuinely okay with this?"

"With what?" I raise my eyebrow, pretending to be totally cool with it.

"Stevie? The baby? Some man, named Adam?"

"Mick, she's free to do whatever she wants. We weren't together when it happened, nobody got betrayed. She's moving on, I'm happy for her." The words come out too quickly and Mick knows me too well to believe them.

"Just that she presented us another song about you, at least with some parts that were about you." He doesn't let me finish, but leaves me thinking. I lead him out and when I'm alone in the house, I sit down in the living room again.

If Stevie has moved on, why would she still be thinking, talking to me through her songs?