It's Not Easy

Whatever it takes

I stare at one spot on the wall in front of me. I hear Alex and Sara going on about something at each other, but I have no idea what, my brain is just blocking everything right now. I can't do anything besides sit here, with my guitar and strum the chords that come to my mind. It's the only thing that somewhat relaxes me.

I mentally shake myslef out of this state when Sara stands up before me. "Daddy, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, dimples. Why do you ask?"

"Whatever is that you're playing sounds very sad. Are you sad?"

"No, sweetheart, I'm just... I'm thinking."

"Where's mommy? She left in the morning and she's not home yet."

I swallow the lump in my throat and try my best not to choke up. "Your mom is working."

"Not again!" Sara pouts and slumps down on the couch next to me. "I hate it when you work, we never get to see you! Well, we do, but we don't!"

I smile at her struggling to express what she means. "It won't be long, Sara. She'll be home soon." 

She seems satisfied with my answer enough and goes back to whatever kept her occupied minutes ago.

It takes another hour or so, when the front door is opened and then closed again. I hear Stevie toss her things aside and she comes to the living room. The kids jump up off the floor and launch temselves at her, she kisses them both and asks them to leave us alone for a moment.

She sits down beside me, leans forward resting her elbows on her knees and starts sobbing. I put my arm around her and pull close to me, stroking her hair, saying anything I can think of to calm her down. I repeat again and again that I love her and that I'm not going to leave her or anything like that.

After a while, she turns to look at me with her eyes red from crying. "I didn't do it..."

“What?” I immediately stop rubbing her back.

“I… I’m still, now eleven weeks pregnant.” After she finishes the sentence I start crying, I just can't hold the tears. I pull her into my embrace and hold her tightly.

“Stevie… I’m so glad…” My voice is barely audible.

She wipes her tears onto her sleeve. “You mean… you’re not angry I didn’t…”

“No! Of course not! You knew I wanted this baby. We’re having another child together! You’re going to make me a father again.” I say with a proud expression on my face. "Why would I be angry with you?"

“The fact a lot can go wrong remains.”

“Steph, it’s going to be fine, I promise you. Just believe me, okay?” I take her hands in mine. “It’s probably going to be really hard, but Stevie… We’re having a baby.”

She smiles at me and leans into me. “Another tour we've started planning, another tour we can't take part it.”

“I don't suppose you'd be okay with at least a small tour in the States?”

"Well... We could do like thirty, fourty dates in a couple of months, right? I'm nearly three months, preparation will take up about a month, so two months or so on the road... I think we could work with that."

"I don't think I like the idea of you traveling so much and with our schedule?" I shake my head. "No dates have been announced yet, we can push this tour to next year."

"Do you realize that Mick Fleetwood will never speak to us ever again if we back out for the second time?"

"Guess what? Mick Fleetwood will be the first one to call us once this baby is here, because he can't do better than us." While I might be joking, it's true.

She turns serious again. "I'm just praying this baby gets here..."

"Don't be so negative."

“You know, you're right. Good thoughts from now on!" We kiss, lingering for a moment. "I'm happy to have you, Linds."

I kiss her again, my hand traveling to her stomach. “I… I can’t believe this. You were so sure about what you were doing. You’ve made me the happiest man on earth by not going through with it, Stevie.”

"I wanted this baby too."

"You don't have to tell me that. Did the doctor say anything?”

"I'm actually quite angry with Dr. Anderson. This was my choice not to terminate the pregnancy."

"What did she say?"

"She just doesn't think I made the right decision, she's uneblievably skeptical. I do understand this is huge risk that I'm taking by carrying this baby, but I couldn't kill it when it's going good." That sounds absolutely horrible!

“But everything is going good?”

"Just like it's supposed to. She said that obviously first three months are usually when miscarriage might happens if it's meant to happen, so if I'm still pregnant after that, chances are the whole pregnancy will go fine."

“That is so great to hear."

"I can't believe I almost..."

"No." I cut her off. "Don't go there. That's... We're having another baby." 

"That we are." She presses a kiss to my lips and gets up. "I'll go lie down for a while."

"You don't have to get out of bed for all the upcoming months for all I care!"

"Yeah, right! I'll have to deliver the baby in our bed too?"

"Hey, whatever it takes." I shrug and we both start laughing. "Now go. I'll take care of the little Buckinghams that are here already."

"Love you!" She says, already walking up the stairs, I repeat it back to her.

I let out a deep breath and relax, resting against the back of the couch. Deep down, I knew she wouldn't do it.