It's Not Easy

Aren't you tired yet?

I‘m in the driver’s seat, waiting patiently while Stevie makes sure Layla is buckled up and safe in her car seat, our older children are busy annoying each other. Christmas is just around the corner and we have, Stevie has, lots of shopping to do. We have enough ornaments to give out to our whole neighborhood, but she insists we need new ones. Then there’s a long gifts list awaiting as well.

She gets into the passenger’s seat and I start the car. “Can we go now?”

“Yes, all three in their places, let’s spend some money!”

And when Stevie says something like that, I immediately start thinking of a tour to cover the bills, because I'm sure she’s going to spend a ridiculous amount today.

~

It hasn’t been an hour since we arrived, but we came in and out of numerous stores. I’m amazed at her shopping abilities. She checks the list, enters one of the stores, looks around for a second and goes, right, we won’t find it here, or, we’ll find this thing in here. Stevie can get a little scary when it comes to shopping.

Everyone’s getting tired already. I’m trying to carry all the bags and also check if Sara and Alex are always by my side, Stevie’s in front of us, with Layla asleep on her shoulder. I want to say something, but I feel like I’ll end up sleeping on the couch if I attempt such thing. But once Sara and Alex start whining…

“Aren’t you tired yet, Steph?”

“Of what, showing people that I care?”

“No, that is a great thing, but we’ve been at the mall for hours. I’m getting physically sick of it, the kids want to go home and look, our baby is sleeping on you.”

“Which means she doesn’t mind.”

“Don’t you think she’d prefer her bed?”

Stevie sighs and stops. “ You can go home if you like, take Sara and Alex and go.”

“I’m not going to do that, you know it.” She smiles and kisses my cheek and I roll my eyes. “You get away with things too easily.”

“And whose fault is that, mister?”

“Hurry.” I say, then follow Stevie to her next stop.

After another good hour, she finally decides she is done. “Okay, the shopping’s done.”

“Thank god!” All three of us express our gratitude.  

“Oh, you’re so nice guys.”

“I’m hungry.” Alex says.

“Like father like son.”

“Excuse me?” I raise my eyebrow.

“Well, you’re always hungry.” She puts her hand on my stomach and strokes the way I used to do it to her, when one of our babies was in there. “For all kinds of things…” She mumbles to herself, but not quietly enough.

“What else can you get hungry for besides food, mom?”

“Yeah, Steph? Please, do tell us.”

“It’s… It’s a joke, Alex.”

“Oh, I didn’t get it.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, nobody really does, it’s a thing between your dad and I.”

“Okay. Can we go eat now?”

“Of course.”

I leave them waiting while I take the bags to our car. When I’m back the choice of where to have lunch is up to Sara and Alex and because they’re kids, we obviously end up in a pizza place. They order more than they could possibly eat, along with milk shakes and ice cream and it’s amazing to me, how excited they look when the waiter brings it to them.

“You should eat too.”

“When was the last time you saw me eat pizza, Lindsey?”

I frown, thinking for a moment. “Have you actually ever tried it?” She takes my teasing with a smile on her face.

“Why don’t you eat normal food, mom?” Sara asks, chewing off a piece.

“I like healthy food and it’s all I can have really. I’m not as lucky as you are, being tiny clones of your father, you can eat everything you like and be as skinny, little creatures as you were before doing it.” I listen to her saying that and for the first time after years and years, I think of the fact Sara isn’t actually mine, but I love her just as much as Alex or Layla and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

“Silly mommy!”

“Hey!” Stevie laughs, making Layla stir in her arms, but she falls right back to sleep.

“You are, you’re very pretty as you are.”

“I told you. The kids wouldn’t lie, Stevie.” She doesn’t reply, but takes my hand under the table. “You got everything?” I ask, changing the subject.

“I think so. Minor things left, but pretty much I’ve found everything. You should know that you’re getting a cashmere scarf.”

“Stevie, you are not serious, are you?”

She laughs shaking her head. “No.” Her voice goes quiet. “I’ve got something for myself that’s entirely for your pleasure.” I’m a little lost for words and she just continues talking to our children. “Are we decorating the Christmas tree tonight?”

“Yes!” From Sara.

“Ugh…” From Alex. “We just want the presents, mom. You’re the one who likes putting a bunch of unnecessary things on a tree.”

“Don’t be such a downer, it’s Christmas, you…”

“Watch it, Sara.” She has many nicknames for her younger brother.

“I’ll hang out with dad, he’s not into girly things like decorating a Christmas tree.”

“Oh, I have to disappoint you. Your father will be doing that with me.”

“Dad! I trusted you!”

I shrug, looking at Alex apologetically. “Hey, not only you have to listen to your mom, so do I.”

“That’s correct.” Stevie nods, her face straight.

“It was meant to be a joke!”

“Yeah, well. You’re not a three year old, Linds, stop pouting.”

“Someone’s not getting their cookie after dinner tonight…”

“Oh my god, Sara!”

“Now that was funny.” Stevie manages while laughing.

“I better get my cookie.” I say to her and I know she understands what I’m talking about.

“Be good then.”

 “Always am.” I press my lips to the back of her hand.

“I’m full!” Stevie and I stop staring at each other and turn to Alex.

“You look like you are. I looked exactly the same when four months pregnant!”

“Am I going to have a baby?” He asks, his mouth agape and eyes wide, completely terrified.

“Gee, don’t listen to that, Alex. You know your mother, she can be crazy.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” She says, biting her lip not to let out that laughter I know she’s so desperately holding back.

“You guys ready to go home?” They both nod eagerly. I pay and we’re on our way home.

It’s a great feeling being on stage, looking at all the fans, seeing them sing your songs and chant your name, but nothing will ever beat what I share with my family. If I was ever made to choose between the two, I wouldn’t even have to think twice. My family is my life.

I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, so have another one! :) And I'll be updating again later, it won't be long, just a nice way to wrap things up.