It's Not Easy

You can't do this

It's August already, the tour starts soon and neither one of us is willing to go. We still have over a month left before we leave and we plan on bringing Sara with us, but we both understand it's not going to be easy and I'm thinking of ways to tell Stevie that maybe it's best if we have her parents look after our daughter. Touring is stressful enough, but when there's a baby, who's not even a year old yet? I know she doesn't want nannys around, but we'll need some serious help. 

I just came back home after having lunch with Mick, we had some things to discuss about the tour, Stevie should have been there too, but she said she's not coming with as soon as I mentioned it to her. I'm not exactly sure why she's being so against everything regarding this tour, initially, it was her idea. I'm beginning to feel she's strongly regretting starting with this whole thing. She was excited when we did that first show back in May, I don't get what had to happen, to change her mind so quickly. I guess she didn't know at first just how much being a mom would change her life.

I realize Stevie didn't hear me enter, so I stand in the doorway to the living room, watching her sing to Sara. She's lying on the couch, with her legs bent and our baby proped up against them, Sara's clenching her thumbs in her little fists, smiling down at her mother. They have an incredible bond between them. Stevie lies Sara down on her chest and cuddles her closer.

"What a precious sight." I make myself known and she turns to look at me.

"Daddy's home!" She coos to Sara and I go to join them.

"I could watch you two like this forever." I kiss Stevie and stroke Sara's hair.

"Do you want to say hi to your daddy, baby girl?" She presses a kiss to her head and I get to hold her for a moment. I mean it saying, get to hold our daughter, it's hard to take her away from Stevie.

“Hey, baby. Were you a good girl to mommy?” I'm holding her close, protecting from the whole entire world. “You gorgeous little thing, my sweet beautiful girl…”

I catch Stevie quickly wiping a tear away. “And what is up with you, angel?”

“Nothing, everything’s good, I just… you’ve changed so much since we had her. You were cute and all, but… every time I see you holding Sara, I fall in love with you all over again.”

“Oh, babe…” I smile and put my arm around her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “You two are my world, Steph. Nothing is ever going to take you away from me. I will not let them, never.”

She's resting her head on my shoulder. “I love how she’s constantly smiling now.”

“Right? Adorable! Little dimples. My little dimples.”

“I want to get pregnant again, like now.” She say laughing softly, I feel she's only half joking...

“Ay ay, captain!”

She sighs. “You hungry?”

"I just came back from lunch with Mick, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. And how did it go?"

"I want to put this nicely..."

"He's bitching about me, isn't he?"

"Yes, but you have to understand him. You suggested going on tour, Stevie. Everything's planned now."

"I know and I hate I spoke up before really thinking it through."

"You don't want to go anymore?"

She shakes her head shyly. She's always been very responsible about her work and this must be hard for her, I understand Mick's point just as well as I do Stevie's. "She's such a happy little girl, I couldn't bear not seeing her for god knows how long."

"Didn't you say we'll be taking her with?"

"It was just a fantasy, Linds. It's not going to work. I would rather have my own mother look after Sara than have a nanny with her backstage."

"I'm glad you're seeing it that way. I know it will be hard, but we've got to do this, we've signed up for it."

She begins to cry, not heartwrenching sobs or anything, just silent tears rolling down her cheeks and I feel for her. "You can't perform in front of people if you're going to be like this, Stevie."

"What do I do then!"

"I don't mean to be rude, but... You have to suck it up. It's what we do and we knew that eventually this was going to happen."

"I should have waited for a year or two, or five, or until Sara turned eighteen and only then do something like this..."

I smile sadly at her. "You wouldn't have been able to stay away from the spotlight for that long."

"I want it to be just us, you know? I don't want a massive crew everywhere with us, I don't want anything being so over the top, I want to enjoy what we can do."

"Are you trying to take us back to 1973?"

"Maybe..."

"You're deadly serious, aren't you?"

"Lindsey, I can't go, I don't want to. I don't want anyone besides you and Sara."

"Stevie, you simply cannot do this! You can't drop out now."

"But I'm going to." 

With that she stands up and leaves me absolutely shocked.