Never not - Lauv
Shawn's POV
November-December 2015
"Ok, that's all for now. You can go to your dressing room and we'll let you know when's your time to go on stage", a middle age woman told us when we had finished an interview.
"I have to make some calls", Roger said and walked away.
We went back to our dressing room and chatted and laughed for a couple of minutes. Then Andrew said he had some things to check on and the rest of the team followed him. Sinu hadn't made it this time, something about Sofi's school, Camila had said. So we were left alone. I felt the adrenaline rise when I noticed it and the tension between us was too obvious.
Lately, I woke up every day looking forward to seeing her, hugging her, touching her. I didn't know how much longer I was going to keep all this to myself, I just knew that this wasn't the right time. Even when I didn't intend to, I saw myself getting closer to her in every new occasion. I would hold her tight on stage after singing our song and tell her how amazing she was when were backstage, which wasn't a lie. She had this magnetic energy that made her shine the most, even in a room full of people, and I felt so lucky to witness that at every new show.
I looked around for something to do, suddenly feeling anxious. She laughed looking at her phone and that calmed me down a bit.
"Look at this", she said turning my phone towards me. "Taylor sent me a picture of her cats. They are so cute".
I sat next to her on the sofa and took a look at the picture.
"Yeah, they're cute", I said.
"I want a cat. No, no, I want a little puppy", she said all bubbly as always.
"I had a cat, Jasmine. She was cool. I'm allergic to dogs thought".
"Oh that sucks, dogs are so cute".
I wanted to tell that she was cute.
"Camila?", I whispered.
"Yes, Shawn?", she said with a smile.
My breathing was getting heavier and I didn't want to let her know how affected by her I was, but that was almost imposible.We had been playing an on and off game of teasing each other, pushing our boundaries but never going further.
She looked at me confused because I just stared at her not saying anything. I didn't know what to say. 'Hey, I've been wanting to kiss you for a while. Can I kiss you?' That was lame. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath before trying to speak. I was about to say something when I changed my mind and just kissed her. I closed my eyes and in a swift move I stamped my mouth against her. She didn't move but she also didn't pull away, which was good... I guess. Just one kiss, I reminded myself, that was all I needed.
I slowly sat back, extremely conscious of the terrible job I had done. Gosh, it was like I hadn't kissed anyone before and I didn't have a clue of what I was doing.
I looked at her and her eyes were big and round with surprise.
"I uh, just... I, I'm s-"
In a sudden move her hands were in my cheeks and she was pulling me to her to kiss me again, a real good kiss this time. Her lips were soft and her mouth warm. My hands travel to her waist and we hold each other while discovering our mouths together.
A noise on the other side of the door brought us both to reality. Her lipstick was ruined and I was sure I had some of it over me as well, but it didn't matter, she looked so beautiful. She laughed shyly as we stared at each other. We had held on to this tension for so long that it came out full force now. The craziest part was that I wanted more. My heart was threatening with leave my chest any second now. That had been... something.
"Alright...", was the only lame thing I thought of saying. My teen brain was obviously not working.
"Alright", she replied.
"I wanted to know what it was like", I tried to explain myself poorly.
She gave a look that I couldn't quite decode and then said, "same".
"You're a good kisser", I confessed while I felt my cheeks burning.
She giggled and the butterflies in my stomach had a party.
"You too, Canada", she replied and I chuckled.
Our people came back not long after our awkward conversation and by the time they did we had already cooled down and they didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.
Everytime I looked at her, my stomach did a twist, full of excitement. I wanted to kiss her again, but there was not a moment in which we were completely alone.
...
"I can't believe you got me this", she said laughing and holding the big bananas against her chest.
"I really was looking for a bigger one, but that's the best I could find".
"I love it", she said.
"Thank you for the shirt, Latin sass", I said looking at my gift.
"You're welcome, Canada. It suits you".
I never thought she was going to remember that talk we had. She laughed so hard when I said she had latin sass, because I had run out of things to call her. She seemed to have a complete repertoire to describe how annoying I was and I didn't want to stay behind. Why did she have to be so awesome? It was making my head and my heart a complete mess.
She hugged me again and I wrapped her around my arms, resting my chin on the top of her head like I always did. I saw Andrew a few feet away looking at us, he smiled when I caught his gaze and shook his head.
"You ain't slick, my boy", Andrew said in the car when we were leaving the venue at night.
"Uh? What do you mean?", I wonder confused.
"You don't really think we don't notice you and Camila fooling around, right?"
Shit. We actually hadn't kissed again but I couldn't stop teasing her and flirting with her. Our relationship didn't change much after the kiss and we never talked about it again, but we were enjoying being around each other way too much.
"We don't-"
"Save it", he interrupted me. "Shawn, I know I always tell you what to do, even when you pretty much take your own decisions anyway, but this time I won't even say that. You have to figure this out alone. I know you're falling for her, it's written all over you, just keep this in mind... You are both stars in the making, you're both gaining attention and if everything goes well, you'll be hella busy in the near future. I hope you have all things considered if or when you decide to move forward with whatever you and Camila have. I'll support whatever you choose, but please be careful", he said.
His words made echo in my mind and I couldn't think of anything else. I turned around in bed at night, unable to sleep, too caught up with my thoughts. I knew that sooner or later I had a decision to make and I was scared as hell of what that was going to be. I didn't even know if she was into me. What if it was all in my head? But, what if she was? What if we moved forward and made things more serious? What if we started dating? Would we be able to handle a public relationship, with all eyes on us? I still had problems reading stuff about me or seeing pictures paps had taken. I didn't know how it was going to be like if there was more attention on us than before. Or if the relationship would take more spotlight than my music itself. That I wouldn't know how to handle. I never wanted to fight to prove people that I had what it takes to be a good musician, I had enough with others saying that my physical appearance was all about me.
I groaned with frustration and turned around to try to sleep.
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a/n: If you have any songs that remind you of them, please comment them here
