Us - James Bay
Camila's POV
August 2018
My life had flipped in 180° and I felt over the moon. Havana was doing wonders on radio and charts and my team couldn't keep up will all the good news. I was absolutely overwhelmed with success but I tried to keep my feet on the ground always. I was in the middle of two simultaneous tours, opening for Taylor and performing my own dates.
It was both exhausting and exciting. My mom was the one holding my hands when the exhausting moments translated into anxiety, because of all the pressure I constantly felt. My fans were the ones cheering me up and enjoying with me the exciting moments, because I didn't want them to know I was at the same time being weak.
I had the chance to have my boyfriend by my side in many dates of the tour across Europe and that helped me keep my mind distracted. I had dreamed of being in love many times before and this was exactly what I had in mind. It was the way he held my hand or kissed me before a show. It was the intimacy, the trust, the connection.
Back in the States with Taylor, I tried to absorb all the energy people expelled at her shows every night. It was a dream to be in a stadium full of people and I was experiencing a tiny bit of it.
When Taylor told me Shawn was coming to see the show, I made an effort not to think much about it. We hadn't seen each other since that last time and we hadn't spoken either, although I didn't think we were in bad terms. Awkward yes, but not bad. Still, nothing prepared me for when I saw it backstage.
Was he taller now? Was that possible? He was for sure more toned up. Oh his arms looked amazing under his white long sleeves top.
Stop, Camila. Get it together.
Shawn and I didn't have time to catch up because Charlie and I did our sets before Taylor's show and then waited for our moment to join her during Shake it of. It was not until I had change clothes and was back on the pit that we locked eyes and I felt electricity running over my body. The place was absolutely full and the music was loud, obviously, but for a second it was just him and I... and then he looked away. He spent most of the night chatting with friends, singing Taylor's songs and drinking beer. It was a weird vibe and I could almost swear he was avoiding me. I hated that. I hated that we couldn't go back to what we were and that it wasn't in my hands to fix it, not the way I should anyways.
"You look great", he whispered in my ear while Taylor was singing a slower song.
He was standing behind me, a red cup on his hand and his cheeks rocking a pink color.
"Thank you", I said while my heart started to beat faster. "You too".
He shrugged with a smile and walked away to join his friends.
There was something about the way those words rolled out of his tongue that gave me shivers. I looked at him having a great time and my heart sank because I couldn't invite myself in his circle, I didn't feel comfortable enough and I assumed he wouldn't be either.
Back in the dressing room, we kept the party going but we didn't interact again. People around didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary and I was glad. I couldn't help but glance at him every now and then and more than once our eyes locked.
When we said goodbye, he hugged me but it wasn't like before. It was like he was hugging any other person in the room, not me. Not the girl that once was his best friend. I knew I couldn't blame him so I just let it slip. I rather be an acquaintance than an enemy.
Days after we ran into each other again and we must have been both on a different mood because things worked out differently this time. That or it was because my mom was right next to me or because we were been recorded. Either way, I didn't feel the negative tension and I was happy for it.
