I have question - Camila Cabello
Camila's POV
July 2016
[S: How are you?]
I breathed deeply when I read his message. How was I? Not at my best. Things with the girls hadn't been going good for a while but we had reached a new low. I couldn't talk to them, I didn't feel welcome or comfortable enough to do it. I was an outsider in my own group. The South America leg of the tour was supposed to be a great experience but I brought back home more wounds that I had ever expected.
My mind was playing mean games with me, giving me more pressure that I needed, putting scenarios in my head in which I ended up more bitten up than now and I was not being able to deal with all that. I needed a hug, his hug but he was on the road once again.
[C: I've been better]
I couldn't lie to him, not about this at least, because I knew he was one of the people that would always have my back.
[S: Are they giving u a hard time?]
[C: I don't know if it's them or just my mind]
[S: Pretty sure ur mind is just tryin to protect u]
[C: Idk Shawn...]
[S: I wish I was there]
[C: Me too]
[S: You're amazing Mila, don't let them make u feel like you're not]
[C: It's kinda hard when they're always whispering behind my back]
[S: You know you can always go solo]
[C: I don't know if I can do that, I'm terrified]
[S: C'mon, you'd kill it on ur own]
[C: I'm not ready]
[S: I think you are but are just afraid to admit it]
[C: Stop]
I was having a hard time on my own to, on top of that, have people telling me what to do as if it was easy. I knew he meant well, he always did, he was my best friend, but I didn't want to hear that now.
He didn't reply for a few minutes and I thought of apologizing. It was just a text but he might have taken the wrong way. I knew how petty he could be. My phone started to ring before I had made out my mind about it.
"I'm sorry", he said with a husky voice.
"No... I'm sorry", I said.
"You did nothing wrong, Camila. I'm sorry for pushing you. It's just that it kills me that you feel that way and I can't do anything about it. You deserve so much better".
My throat got tight and my eyes flooded with tears.
"Please don't cry", he told me when he notice my uneven breathing.
"I really don't know what to do, Shawn".
"Whatever you decide to do, I'll be here, ok?"
I missed him... a lot. Things weren't easy after we had to part ways when the IKWYDLS era ended, because it took from me more than just one of the best experiences of my life. Walking away from each other hurt, but I told myself that whatever had happened between us, and the way that had ended, was for the best. We were still kids that had too much on our plates and remaining friends was the wiser choice to make. I rather have him in my life like this than not have him at all.
