Simula
"What is Ocean Mama?" walang kaalam-alam na tanong ko sa aking ina na agad na ikinasalubong ng kaniyang kilay.
"Who told you about that?" She asked me with her furrowed brows.
"I—I read it in the book, in the dictionary!" I defensively aswered her, but the truth is, Yaya Mila who's my personal yaya was the one who told me about it. She said that the oceans are magical, and I want to see and experience what she experienced in there too!
I heard Mama's sigh while looking at me, "Ocean is very dangerous Adara, many people died because of the ocean, the water is swallowing the people who goes there." napalunok ako.
"T—The Oceans was like the other people too Mama? Ocean will hurt me too?" I asked her. Mama said, other people will hurt me aside from her and the people inside of our house. She said that the other people is a monster who will hurt me if they will see me.
In 17 years of my existence, i don't remember going outside of our compound. I don't remember going outside ours house gate. Ganun ba talaga kapag bata ka pa? Kailan kaya ako makakalabas? Kapag ba kaedad ko na si Mama at sina yaya Mila?
That thought excites me, how about going in the city? Ang sabi ni Mama nangangain daw ang dagat at napakadelikado, kung ganun sa City na lang ako pupunta kapag makalabas ako rito sa bahay namin! Mama was already 43 and Yaya Mila was in her 50's, kung ganon, kung bibilangin ko ang mga taon pwede na kaya akong makakalabas in 23 years after? if I'm already 40 years old? I shrugged that thought. Maybe yes and maybe no. Hindi ko naman kasi nakikita ang kinakabukasan, kung sana ay alam ko nang sa gayon ay mapaghandaan ko.
I clasped my hand and sighed dreamily.
I imagined what City looks like based on yaya Mila told me. Sabi niya, marami daw mga matataas na building. Tinanong ko siya kung ano ang building, ang sabi niya para lang daw bahay 'yon na matataas! So that, I imagined our nansion na napakarami. Pero napasimangot ako, I'm sick of the look of our house! Dahil palagi lang naman ito ang nakikita ko bukod sa garden at napakataas na bakod!
Yaya Mila also said that Cities are full of lights, maraming tao, maraming sasakyan, at maalikabok. I wan't to experience something I didn't know about this world yet, but when I remembered Mama said that other people is dangerous, my hopes and excitement died down.
"Is it true Yaya that other people outside of this house is dangerous? And the ocean will swallow the person who go there?" I asked Yaya Mila who's readying my breakfast. I was so confused of the thought that Mama told me last night. If people is dangerous? Dapat hindi din si Mama aalis sa bahay! What if other person will do something bad to her? Biglang nanlaki ang mata ko habang iniisip ko iyon.
I heard Yaya Mila's chuckle. "Itigil mo ang emahenasyon mo 'nak, oo at masama ang mga tao, pero hindi lahat ng tao ay purong masama." muli niyang inayos ang hawak na pinggan na nasa aking harapan bago nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita.
"Bawat tao ay may kabutihang nakatago, merong mga taong napakasama sa paningin ng iba, pero kung makikilala mo sila ng mabuti hindi naman sila purong masama, dahil minsan, tayo tayo lang din ang naglalagay sa isipan natin na sila ay masama." Nilagyan niya ng ulam ang pinggan ko at ngumiti sa akin ng malambing. "Hindi lahat ng tao ay masama anak, pero merong mga taong masama dahil pilit itinatago ang kabutihan, at merong mga taong nagiging masama dahil walang mapagpipililian. At—hindi nangangain ang tubig sa dagat pero delikado pa rin kung mataas ang tubig at hindi ka marunong lumangoy. Sige na at kumain ka na, baka sumakit ang tiyan mo niyan pag nalipasan ng gutom." Sabi nito ng may halong pag-alala sa boses, pagkatapos ay tumalikod na sa akin para pumuntang kusina.
Napakamot ako sa kilay dahil parang wala akong maintindihan sa kaniyang sinabi.
Hindi nangangain ang tubig kapag marunong kang lumangoy? Kung ganon, pwede akong pumunta sa dagat dahil alam ko kung paano lumangoy! I smiled happily, mabuti na lang at tinuruan ako ni yaya Dilya lumangoy sa swimming pool sa backyard bago pa siya huminto sa pagtrabaho bilang isa sa mga yaya namin.
I don't know what is the year, I dont know what's the day and the time right now, but I only know that my name is Adara, I read in one of the books I read; that a one person has a complete name and a nick name. A complete name na nabubuo ng ibinigay ng magulang mo sayo na pangalan at ang apelyido nila. I don't know what's "surname" means but when I asked yaya Mila about it, she said that a one person have a surname, ang apelyido nang nanay mo sa pagkadalaga na nakalagay sunod sa pangalan mo at ang apelyido ng tatay mo sa hulihan ay nakalagay. Hindi ko alam kong ano ang ibig sabihin ng tatay at apelyido, dahil ang alam ko lang, Adara ang pangalan ko dahil iyon ang tawag ng mga tao rito sa akin sa bahay namin.
I asked yaya Mila what's tatay means, but she just smiled at me sadly and said that she's not the right one who should tell me about it.
I feel so frustrated with my life. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of asking about the things I didn't know. The things that I only want is, t—to experience the things that I only read on those books I'd read inside of this cage.
"Sweety, I'm home!" I heard the door open and my mother's voice after. Im here in the living room and watching a music videos in the TV, she's smiling sweetly while walking towards me. Nang makalapit siya ay tumayo ako at hinalikan siya sa pisnge. She looked at the TV and her forehead creased.
"Why are you watching that Ada? It have a kissing scenes and look at that lady!" Singhal nito sa akin sabay turo sa babaeng halos hindi na nakadamit dahil sa suot na bra at panty.
"What about it Mama?" inosenting tanong ko sa kaniya dahil wala akong kaalam-alam kung ano ang ikinagagalit niya.
"I—It's not the videos you should watch! That's only suitable for olds! That lady in the TV! She's wearing nothing but a two thin—" she stop talking when she saw my confused expression.
"Ah!" Sabi ko ng matanto na baka bawal magsuot ng bra at panty. 'yon ba ang ikinagagalit ni Mama? But I am wearing that and also Mama, I saw her wearing it too and also Yaya Mila! "Why Mama? Wearing a bra and a panty is bad? But, I'm wearing a bra and panty too! Look!" Sabi ko at itinaas ang suot na tshirt para makita niya ang suot kong pulang bra. "Should I take it off then? But, you're also wearing a bra and a panty too as Yaya Mila..." I said to her very confused.
Nakita ko siyang hinilot ang ulo niya, she looked so stress, "Your tired Mama, you should take a rest." sabi ko sa kaniya ng may pag-aalala.
"Ayusin mo ang damit mo Ada. Your boobs are showing." Mama said kaya napatingin ako sa damit kong nakatupi hanggang sa itaas ng medyo may kalakihan kong dede. Inayos ko naman ito at tumingin ulit sa kaniya.
"Ma, can I ask something?" I nervously said those words ng makitang magpapaalam na ito para pumunta sa itaas.
"What is it?" Sabi niya habang nakatingin sa akin.
"W-what's my true name Mama? What's the next of my name Adara? K—Kasi, Mama-" I paused at nilaro-laro ang mga daliri, "I read in the book that a person has its own name and surname and middle name." Tumingin ako sa kaniya ng kinakabahan, hindi ako makatingin sa mga mata ni Mama. Nakakatakot.
Narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga niya. "I'm tired Ada." She said and kissed my forehead, and after that, she walk her way towards the stairs. Leaving me wondering again with the basic things that I should know on my age.
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Some parts of this story are raw, unedited. And also, if you don't like the idea of a weak character, some cringe scenes, kindly just skip this book.
This book is a work of fiction, huwag niyong ikumpara sa totoong mundo o kahit sa anong bagay.
Plagiarism is a crime.
©2020
PS: The book cover's photo is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner.
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