The Assistant | Scavi

Confronting

"Finally" Avi said when he sat down on the bed in their hotel room in Rapid City, South Dakota. They had a day off before another set of three concerts in a row. 

Scott followed him and put down his bag. "Mmhm... do you want a cup of tea?" he asked his boyfriend.

Avi nodded. "Yes, please. A cup of tea and then we can think about what we'll do with our day off? Or is there anything you want to do?"

Scott tried his very best to smile at his boyfriend. "Let's just sit down first, I need a moment..." 

"Of course. Which tea do you want?"

"Some calming herbal tea..." Scott said. "Peppermint would be lovely." 

"Okay" Avi said and got out his tea box. 

Together they poured two cup of tea and got comfortable on the sofa. They drank their tea in silence. 

Scott knew that he had to speak up and confront his boyfriend about the medicine, this was the moment. But he didn't know how to begin. 

"Scott?" 

"Hmm?" Scott looked up and smiled at his boyfriend. "What is it?"

"I asked you whether you wanted to go on a hiking trip anytime soon?" Avi said. "Maybe even today? A small trip?"

Scott sighed. "No, I don't think that I want to go hiking today, Avi, sorry." He took a sip of his tea. 

"Oh..." Avi said. "What's wrong, did you sleep unwell? Maybe it was a bad idea to share a bunk? I don't know, I slept like a baby."

Scott smiled slightly. "That you did," he said. "Even snored a little bit."

"And you? Did you sleep well?" Avi wanted to know. 

Scott shook his head. "I didn't sleep too good" he said. "But it's okay. Having you close was very nice, too. And you were drained. Time for tour to end, hmm?"

Avi shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes I am ready for it all to be over, then again I like touring. It's hard."

"I get that" Scott said, internally cursing himself for not speaking up. 

"Avi finished his tea and then got up. "I'll be back in a moment. Toilet break and maybe fresh up a little? We could snuggle up on the sofa and maybe go out tonight?"

Scott nodded. "Sounds like a plan." He looked after his boyfriend and once the bearded man had closed the bathroom door behind him, he texted his best friend:

"I can't do this, Mitchy."

"You have to do it, Scott. There's no other way! You're doing this for Avi! It will only get worse when you leave him to his pills."

Scott sighed. He knew that Mitch was right. Avi needed him. Once he was back here, he would just say it. Carefully, with the right words, without accusing him of anything. 

"You can do this, Scott. You're strong and you are a wonderful (boy)friend. I love you, Scotty." 

When he read the second message from Mitch, he couldn't help but smile. He knew that Mitch had his back, always. 

"Thank you, Mitch. I'll text you asap, he's coming back from the bathroom. Love you too Xx."

"I'm back," Avi said, smiling slightly. He had his hair tied in a loose bun and was wearing comfortable clothes. He sat down next to his boyfriend and smiled at him. 

Scott just smiled and nodded, trying to gather the courage and to find the right words. "Hey Avi?" the baritone suddenly asked and sat up slightly. He bit his lip for a moment, wondering how to start the conversation before he took a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you about something." 

Avi frowned at first, then he tilted his head lightly. "What is it?" he asked as he sat down and subconsciously began to pull the skin off his chapped lips. Even though he had just taken one of his pills, because he felt uneasy again, he felt anxiety rise in the pit of his stomach. "Scott.." 

"I'm not mad. I promise. And there's nothing you have to worry about. Please, deep breaths, Love. Nothing to be scared about. I... I love you and all I want is for you to be happy, okay?" Scott said softly, offering Avi his hand. He smiled slightly when Avi took it in between his own, holding it as if he was afraid that Scott would run away. 

"Good" Scott said knowing that Avi wasn't able to talk. "Do you need a moment or can I go on?"

"Go on..." Avi whispered. 

"Good..." Scott took a deep breath. "Avi, I know that you're self-medicating your anxiety." He decided on simple sentences, decided to not say anything about Avi abusing pills or anything. 

Still, he felt Avi flinch, when he said these words. His breath quickened and he wanted to pull his hands away, but Scott used his free hand to hold them together. "Breathe, Love. Everything is fine, I am not mad at you, remember? I love you. I won't let you alone. Deep breaths. You're doing fine." He waited until Avi had calmed down. 

"I..." Avi began, but he didn't know what to say. Tears were running down his cheeks, it felt as everything was crashing down on him. He wanted to run away, but he also didn't want to leave Scott alone, he was scared that Scott would leave, so he tightened his grip around Scott's hand once more.

"Shh... you don't need to talk, unless you're ready to do so," Scott said softly. 

"I... sorry" Avi pressed out, feeling his pulse quicken and his throat tightening. "Scott..."

The blonde noticed immediately that Avi's anxiety was getting worse. "Avi? Okay, Avi. Listen to me. Focus on my voice. I know that you're scared right now. But you can do it. Hold on, Love, try deep breaths." When he noticed that his boyfriend wasn't able to calm down, he carefully pulled him into his arms, so his head was resting against his chest. "Listen to my heartbeat. My breathing. Try to match yours, okay? You can do this." He fell silent and hoped that Avi would be able to calm down, knowing that otherwise he would have to call for help. 

For a few minutes, Scott watched Avi closely, even feeling for his pulse only to find it slowing down the same way his breathing was slowing down. 

"Please don't leave me, Scott. I promise, I'll stop taking them" Avi suddenly said. "Please."

Scott sighed. He was happy that Avi was talking again, but the broken tone of his voice made him sad. He only wanted to help Avi, wanted to make him feel better. 

"I'm not leaving you, Avi. I'm staying. I want to help you, but I need you to be honest with me. I'll be honest with you, too, okay?" Scott said softly.

Avi nodded. "Anything as long as you're not leaving."

"I won't leave you, Avi. I love you."

Avi looked up at him when he realised what Scott had just said. "You love... me?"

Scott nodded fondly, hoping that he wasn't saying anything wrong. "I do" he confirmed, looking down to see his boyfriend's reaction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Once again a big thank you StandingbyAvi, who helped me (and Scott) find a way to finally start the talk. You're wonderful!