The Assistant | Scavi

Calming Down

Avi didn't know for how long he cried. He was overwhelmed by everything and the only thing that gave him some relieve was crying. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought about how stupid he felt and that Scott probably had better things to do than to hold him, but it was out of Avi's control.

When he finally felt like there were no more tears left and all he was doing was sobbing and hiccuping, he noticed that Scott was holding him tight and was whispering words of comfort. He also realised that he was holding on to Scott for dear life, so much that his knuckles were hurting when he let go. "Sorry.." he said.

But Scott just smiled. "Don't be sorry" he said and pushed a few strands of hair behind Avi's ear.

"It's just..." Avi hiccupped again and simply shrugged his shoulders.

Scott just pulled him in again against his chest. "Take a moment, Avi... calm down. I am here for you, I'll take care of you if you want me to. Relax... I'm your friend, there's no need to be so tense. Just breathe, Avi..." he whispered.

Avi focused on Scott's soft voice and his breathing and finally managed to calm down. "Thank you" he whispered once he was able to breathe regularly.

"No problem. I just didn't want you to start hyperventilating" Scott said. "Are you feeling better?"

Avi shrugged his shoulders. "I feel drained."

"I get that" Scott replied. "Wait... drink something." He leaned forward and poured some fresh tea into Avi's half-empty cup and then handed it to the bearded man. "Here..."

"Thanks..." Avi whispered and took a sip. "So good..." he had some more before he set the mug aside and sat back. "How do you do it?"

Scott furrowed his brows. "How do I do what?"

"Come out, live your life, be proud of who you are?" Avi spoke up.

"It's not always as easy, Avi. I told you that I came to LA to start over. My family is one hundred percent behind me, but apart from that..." he shrugged his shoulders. "I was never actively bullied, but of course there were jokes when both Mitch and I came out in my senior year, but we were never bullied. But I knew that I wouldn't be happy in Arlington, so I moved and started over" Scott explained. "But I get that it is harder for you, especially because you have a certain image and everything."

Avi nodded but stayed quiet.

Scott didn't say anything else, he didn't want to overwhelm him, so he just waited until Avi was ready to talk again. "I hate myself sometimes..." the musician finally said.

"Because you're gay?"

Avi nodded. "Yes."

Scott took a deep breath. "I get that."

Avi looked up. "You do?"

The blonde nodded. "Yes. Way back when I realised why I didn't develop any feelings for my girlfriend in Highschool and realised that I was actually always goggling the smart maths teacher, Mr Adams, I hated it. I knew that it would make certain aspects of my life harder. Back then there wasn't marriage equality and I thought being gay meant to never have a family. Never have what my parents have. But over time my view changed. I can now get married if I find the right man and can adopt if we want to. Being gay means you're different and yes, that some things will be harder, but it also means being who I really am. Not hiding."

"But I can't, Scott. I really can't. That would ruin everything" Avi said, playing with his fingers.

Scott looked down and sighed softly when he saw that the bearded man was picking at the skin around his nails. He reached over and took his hands. "Hey, Avi."