Last Summer's Catastrophe

Chapter 27

Miserable

"Mama ayaw kong makulong. Please." I begged in between my sobs.

My face is wet from tears. Ayaw tumigil ng mga mata ko sa pagluha at habag na habang din ako.

The image of Kuya Daniel's house burning keep on playing in my head. How it started from being a little flame until it burn down the whole house.

"Hindi ko sinasadya. Hindi ko ginusto. Believe me, Mama. I'm not an arsonist."

Nakakapanghina. His blamings and the disgusted face of townspeople won't ever leave my mind too. Kahit sa panaginip ay sinusundan ako. Lalo na ng kanya...

"I'm sorry," I cried out loud. Halos kapusin pa ako sa hininga.

Mama hugged me and tell me comforting words but it wasn't enough to make me feel relieved. The guilt, fear and pain won't fade.

"Kami ang bahala ng Papa, okay? Hindi ka makukulong. Hindi ka kriminal, anak," she assured with her trembling voice, like she's in the verge of crying.

I don't know what to believe. I just feel unsafe. I'm afraid that I'll found myself inside a cell. Ayaw ko. Hindi ako kriminal. I didn't do it purposely.

"Eric ano ng gagawin ko? Ilang linggo ng ganyan ang anak natin," dinig kong iyak ni Mama.

I was about to get a glass of water, but then I heard them so I stop midway. My heart clenched when I heard how painful her voice is. Pilit siyang inaalo ni Papa pero hindi magtatagal at naiiyak na rin siya.

"Kasalanan ko 'to. Kung hindi ko lang sana siya pinilit sa lugar na 'yon. Patawarin sana ako ng anak natin."

It was heart shuttering, to hear my Mama blaming herself for what happened. A lone tear made its way to my cheek. I wiped it quickly. Tumalikod na ako at bumalik na lang sa kuwarto ko.

Doon ay muli ko na namang iniiyak ang nararamdaman ko. Crying is my only outlet for my unsaid feelings.

My life goes on... Or I'm not sure if I could call that life when I only did was study hard just so I can divert my attention from the incident. I was isolated for years, I never reconnect with my friend since then. Kahit pa iyong mga dumadalaw sa akin ay hindi ko hinarap. During my senior high school years, I was homeschooled.

Hindi ko kayang tumingin sa mata ng ibang tao na hindi nakakaramdam ng tao. I feel like they know about the incident and they're blaming me for it. I cannot shoulder those judging eyes.

"Is it still because of what happened years ago? Eula it's been years."

It was one of the supposed to be ordinary days of my college life when I bumped to Landen. He did reach out to me many times after what happened but I chose to ignore him. Not because I'm still mad at him but because it was too shameful. Wala akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanya matapos ang nangyaring sunog na idinidiing kasalanan ko.

Every day was too painful for me. Para akong araw-araw gumigising para lang ipaalala sa'kin ang nagawa ko. That I burned a house, almost kill someone and destroyed a life.

"Eula are you that inlove with Genesis to trash-out our friendship?"

Even the mention of his name was too painful. It felt like a sharp knife thrusted in my chest.

My lips trembled. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists to compose myself. Matapos ng isang malalim na buntong hininga ay hinarap ko si Landen.

"I already forgive you, Landen," ani ko at pilit pang ngumiti.

Nagtama ang paningin namin. His eyes reflect mixed emotions, pain, anger, longing and confusion.

"But you didn't reconnect with me for years? Bigla ka na lang nawala."