make me

36-eternity

"Yeah, I guess i'll just be careful..." I replied smiling, trying to hide my real emotions. I knew I couldn't just be careful, I already was careful and looked where it got me, it was a much deeper problem and I had to confront Raven about it one day, that was the scary part.

The night continued on, me and Anastasia talked a lot, but nothing was really important, it was just goofing around if I must say. At the end of the day, before we went to sleep, she injected me with Raven's blood to magically help my concussion...I always wondered why heartless creatures such as vampires would be the ones getting the ability to heal people, I guessed it was because if humans had that same ability, to much of us would use it. It wouldn't be special anymore.

I slept in Raven's bed while Ana slept downstairs. She said that the basement was once hers, Raven let her install what she wanted and in her vampire youth, she chose to build a torture playground, even the sweetness people can't get away from the destructive nature of becoming a vampire.

The next days felt like a blur honestly, nothing was really exciting, I wasn't abuse and I was shown normal affection, Raven would probably think it was to much, but cuddling while watching a scary movie was comprehensible. Me and Anastasia really got closer in the time Raven was gone, but after five days, all I wanted to do was see her. She had texted me a couple of times, but it never was for a long time. I figured with what Ana had told me that Raven was trying to hide the fact she had me, since the king didn't seem to like the idea of his first hand having distractions.

" hey, are you ok?" Bunny asked me. I had given her that nickname two days ago and I just kept it since.

"Yeah, Im fine. I just miss her you know..." I looked down at my thighs being smushed on the couch's cushions.

"Can I ask you a question?" She lifted one of her brow, looking confused and concerned at the same time.

"Yeah, sure."

"Why do you miss her? I mean with what you told me, she didn't treat you right, like at all, so why do you miss her? Don't you want to take your revenge or something? Nothing?" She asked me in disbelief. I laughed at her words, thinking of the right answer.

"Well, I never was shown love before. She's the first one who showed some kind of affection and even if its incredibly bad, its still affection. That's what I guessed, because I don't know why I like her...and I kinda hate myself for even having feelings for her, but either way, I don't have a choice so why not make the best of it, am I right?" I tried making it seem like it didn't affect me, but Bunny probably saw right through me.

"No, you're not right." She blinked a couple of times, looking like a deer caught in headlights, "I would want to kill her, probably torture her a bit, too. But hey, you do you boo!" She snapped aggressively, but finished her sentence with a wink and a peace sign. I laughed at her reaction, forgetting my solitude for a couple seconds.

*ding ding*

I looked at my phone, seeing a message from Raven pop-up. I got overly excited, until I saw the message.

"Hey Bee, I dont think im going to be able to come back home soon, we got caught by the others, i dont know how they did it, but im hiding waiting for them to find me... i love you, Bee. Don't worry ill make it out, i just dont know when yet. We already contacted people to come and get us. stay safe please. Anastasia will take care of you, dont give her a hard time..."

I looked at my phone in disbelief. Was she really getting captured? I didn't even think to text back, scared it'll make a noise and reveal her location.

I felt my eyes tingle, I looked over to Ana, she was still reading the text message she got from Raven. She looked up, seeing that it was getting harder for me to keep my feelings together. She took me in her arms and stroked my hair. I crumbled in her grip, scared that Raven would get hurt or even worst, never come back.

"Shhh, it's okay. She'll be fine. It's Raven were talking about, don't worry , okay?" She took my face in her hands gently and wiped my tears off. "Alright?" I nodded back at her, wiping the rest of the sadness of my face. She's right, I thought to myself, Raven wouldn't get stuck in something, not for long at least...

4 months goes by.

Raven didn't get back yet. My concussion healed pretty fast, but my mental health deteriorated. My days consisted of laying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, waiting to hear the front door open. I had lost weight. I felt like a walking corpse, always thinking the same thing and wanting so bad to just stop feeling things. At that moment, I would've given anything to become the heartless fucking beast I despised so much ever since my childhood.

No one knew how to get to them. The horsemen were trapped in the enemy's nest with no where to go and no way to get out. Every night I thought about what Raven must be going through and cried. I didn't want to live like this anymore, I didn't want to be away from her anymore. I just wanted to be in her arms again. It felt like eternity without her.

The next day, I woke up again and went to the living room. I stared out the window, not even thinking about anything. Just pure sadness. I felt my thoughts coming in, hitting me with the same questions again and again.

"What if she didn't come back because she's doesn't want you anymore? Do you really think someone as important as her wouldn't get tired of you? Everyone gets tired of you. That's why you're trash, you'll never be enough for anyone, even if you let them do anything they want to you."

I took my head in my hands, slapping it and trying to stop those evil words from coming into my mind, but nothing seemed to work so I laid there and cried once again. Then I stopped, I looked at the ceiling, feeling my tears dry on the side of my face.

I was tired. So fucking tired...