make me

30-secrets hiding in books

I slipped myself on top of the dildo and started riding it, causing Raven to glare at me, but soon she was admiring me and touching my body. We did this all night long while I wondered if this was the haze's doing or my deep desire of being loved for once.

"What the fuck, Rin! And how the FUCK do you think I'll be able to fix this?!" My eyes opened hearing the sudden commotion, only the see Raven on the telephone. It was pretty clear she was furious, but I wondered who made her that way. I kept my eyes closed, wanting to hear more of the conversation.

"Okay, yeah, sure, I'll see you tonight, dumbass, and you better behave yourself, you know I'm not afraid to cut people off...their heads I mean." Raven sighed and closed her cellphone. I opened my eyes, seeing her staring at me.

"Hum, is everything okay?" I asked her quickly, wanting to get the attention off the fact I was technically spying on her.

"Yeah, everything's fine, I'll just be really late tonight..." she said while pinching her nose bridge.

"Oh, okay." I didn't want to show it, but it made me sad. Raven keeps me company and it's been a while since I had been alone... I knew I would be lonely.

"You seem disappointed." She pointed out with a smirk.

"No, I just don't want to be alone..." I lied, but it still had some truth in it. The right answer would've been: yes, I am disappointed, I don't want you to leave me like everyone else in my life and I'm scared you'll never come back, even if deep down I know you wouldn't leave me like that. But Raven didn't need to know that.

"Yeah, sure, I'll believe you this time." She smiled at me, clearly knowing that I would miss her.

Raven got up from the bed and went upstairs, I didn't know where to go so I got up and went in the small bathroom that I had first used when I got here. I had forgotten how small it was, the toilet, the sink and the bath/shower were so close together you could barely go in between them, but the room still had it's own charm.

I started the water, waiting for it to be the perfect temperature and got in. It was the first time I was going in the shower alone, for what felt like ages. I cleaned myself and got out, putting on the same clothes I had been wearing the day prior and went upstairs to find Raven in her room.

I slipped behind her, knowing that she already had sensed my presence and hugged her from behind. She stopped breathing for a couple of seconds, then relax under my touch. I knew she wasn't used to this feeling which explained why her body hardened every time I touched her, but if I was stuck with her for the rest of my life, why not get her used to getting attention.

"I'm gonna go soon," she said buttoning her blouse, "you can do whatever you want...except escape or anything you judge I would be angry for. Also, there's a balcony connected to my room, if you want, you can go there, I'll show you the library, take anything you want from it." She put on her blood red jacket over the black blouse and took my arm leading me into a hallway.

"Here it is," she opened the door leading to the library, "it's not that bad... but if my house hadn't burned a couple hundreds years ago, I would have more..."

My eyes shot open at the size of the room. It was huge, the bookshelves, probably containing thousand of books, were as high as the ceiling, a ladder could be slid across the room to reach the highest points of the shelves and not only was there a couch that seemed comfortable, the energy I felt here was old, antique even. I felt like hundreds of stories had been read here, like every bits of the books here had been opened and released in the world.

"It- it's so biggg," I ran across the room, looking at all the books, "did you read all of these?" I asked Raven with excitement.

"Yeah, I did..." she didn't seem to be proud about it or even interested, which made me step back a little bit. It was weird for someone who had read this many books to not be excited about them, I know for myself that even thought I didn't read a lot, because we lacked money, I was always super excited to talk about or show my small collection of books.

"Anyways, I have to go, I'll see you tonight, okay? Don't do anything bad." She walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. I stayed in the library, looking at the door closing and hoped she wouldn't have a bad day, only to come back here and put it out on me.

I searched for a book I would like to read, finding one in about 10 minutes, I chose the one that seemed to have been read the most, hoping I would find bits of Raven in it. It was about a girl who had fallen in love with a foreigner and decided they would run away, they went on multiple adventures, slowly loving each other more, until one day, the rich parents of the girl found them and condemned the boy they blamed for taking away their daughter to be executed.

The book was roughly 400 pages, I finished it in about 6 hours, which was a good timing for me since I didn't read a lot as a child. I finished the last page, sobbing at the loss of the boy. I whipped my tears off and thought about the meaning of the book and why it had been read so many times.

Then, it clicked, Raven doesn't talk to a lot of people so she must've found comfort in reading books, which would explain the overflowing library, and this one particularly is about a love story who ended badly. The only explanation I could find was that she must've found comfort in reading something that looked like her life, relating to it. If the boy got killed at the end of the book and Raven once told me that "love is beautiful, until it gets ripped away from you", it must mean that she loved someone and they got killed.

I really didn't know if this theory was correct, but if I thought about all the small hints Raven had given me, it's the only one that would make sense.