Fighting Is Futile: AU1 Chapter 10

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I took a deep, shaking breath as I rose from my seat and went to leave the lecture theatre before everyone else. I can't deal with this right now...

Things are going to take a worse toll soon. I'm not even worried about me...I'm worried about my friends and patents that rely on us...

and after Naveen's statement today, everyone is going to be on edge.

To try and ease this claustrophobic feeling, I took the other exit to remove myself from the sea of doctors that were still seated behind me, Naveen's words echoing out in the silence.. With my eyes cast down, I took another deep breath, only to see...

"Doctor Ramsey?" Leaning against the door ever so casually.

"Doctor Valentine."

"So hospital staff emergency meeting doesn't apply to you, huh?" I scoffed as I pushed my hair back.

"Nope. Came to check in on you instead. And...to thank you for not telling anyone about this until Naveen was ready." He said.

"It wasn't easy..." I shook my head slightly and went to walk past him.

I felt him place a gentle hand on my arm, but his touch soon stopped me.

"I know...That's why I'm thanking you. I'm not good at it, but in your case I mean it..."

Our eyes met with equal intensity and I took a deep calming breath.

"I'm sorry...it's just a lot to take in."

He nodded and said "I understand that. But remember, I told you..." he stood up and placed a hand on my cheek.

"...because I knew you could handle it. I know you can handle it." he tucked a stray curl behind my ear.

"But none of the less, I'm still trying to mentor you." he said as his hand retreated back to his side.

"June and Baz are briefing our first patient, leaves us a while to talk if you want?" he raised a brow.

I bit my lip and nodded. Ethan has always been good to go to for advice.

"Your old office? no one occupying it yet?" I said as he held the door open to me.

"No, not yet." He said as he switched the light on.

"I come here from time to time, it's a bit more private than the diagnostics office." he continued to say has he went and sat behind his desk.

"Hm.. I see, no interns or junior fellows to annoy you..." I gave a gentle smile as I sat opposite him.

He laughed under his breath and said "If that was the case then I certainly would not have brought you to my sanctuary. Colossal pain in my ass, remember?"

"Okay, okay fair point." I giggled, casting my eyes down

"I've missed that..." his blue eyes watched mine as I looked back up.

"What exactly?" I tilted my head slightly.

"Your smile...Your laugh..."

I felt my cheeks flush with heat as I looked down.

"I've missed yours too..."

I heard him lean forward as he said "I know things are hard at the moment, rookie. But, we get through it. A lot of overwhelming things have been thrown on to us last minute and we have to deal with it...some previous...issues are still troubling, hm?"

I looked up and saw his kind eyes and nodded.

"So we persevere. it's what you've always done. Don't stop when things get hard."

i laughed gently under my breath and looked away, pursing my lips.

"But you did, Ethan." I looked back, feeling my eyes well up.

"How..can I take your advice...when you gave up on us?" A small tear fell down my cheek as I watched my hands in my lap.

"....Is that what you think I've done?" he said.

"Isn't it?" I closed my eyes and scoffed.

"Look at me, Valentine."

I done so, slowly and reluctantly.

"It had our best interests for me to give up on us. But I haven't..." He sighed as he got up and walked to his window.

I watched his reflection as he said "I think about it all the time...every day, every night and I curse the fact that I ever considered giving up, but I won't fight for it either..."

yeah...because he doesn't think I'm worth it.

"And I know what your thinking, of course, I think you're worth it. but when I'm fighting myself it's going to be a losing battle..."

I stood up and stood next to him...lacing my hand with his. he stiffened at my touch at first be relaxing into it.

Ethan

I'm not quite sure why I'm telling her this...

to reassure myself or to reassure her?

"It's your turn to look at me now. Doctor Ramsey." she said.

I turned and looked down at her.

She stroked my hair gently, sliding her hand to my cheek and travelling down to my chin...

"Ethan..." she sighed.

I watched her eyes...before moving to her lips...and with that, she kissed me,

I couldn't help but be surprised, but as it strengthed, she placed her arms about my neck and I weaved an arm about her waist, pulling her ever closer to me...

I'm not as strong as her...but I can't let her know that. Although I'm sure it's apparent since I'm breaking all my rules for her.

It became deeper and deeper, she tilted her head as I held my grasp on her, placing my free hand in her curls.

"Ethan..." she gasped my name, making my need for her intensify and I moved us over to the wall, where I hed her body in place with my own. she hooked her leg to my waist begging me even closer to her.

"My God your everything..." I murmured against her touch, losing my self in the smell of her perfume, shampoo.

I ran my hand up her hooked leg and under her skirt to hold her closer and she moaned gently into my mouth when...

our pagers went...

With difficulty, we slowed down and parted, slightly out of breath.

"Baz and June..." I sighed as I checked mine.

She nodded as she checked hers.

"Yeah...we should get to that." she coughed awkwardly, adjusting her coat.

Our eyes met and I said "Sorry...I..."

She approached me, readjusting my tie and said "I know...we go down this road way too many times Ethan...I don't know what's more painful anymore...Wanting you..."

she looked up to me and said "Or knowing I will never have you..."

I sighed at the sadness in her voice.

gently she tugged my tie and pulled me down to her, placing a gentle, soft kiss on my lips. As we parted, she brushed her thumb against where she had left her imprint.

"Valentine..." I sighed...

"I know..."

I placed my forehead to hers briefly and said "We'll work it out...I promise..."

she patted my chest affectionately and said almost in a whisper...

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Ethan."

And with that, she left.

And again, I struggled to hold myself from letting her go...

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