A Spy Among Them (ShinsoxBakugoxDabixAizawaxReader and more..)

Ch. 36 Do I Need to Murder Someone?

School on Monday was torture.

I purposefully arrived at UA just as class started so that I could avoid having to talk to Shinso. I didn't know if he was still keeping our normal breakfast date, but I couldn't bear the idea of it today. After my tantrum on Friday, when I'd stormed out of the support course workshop, he probably hated me anyway.

Deep down, I knew it was for the best if he did hate me. He deserved so much more than what I could give him.

I'd ignored his calls and the texts all weekend; I knew that if I let myself give in even an inch and talk to him, I wouldn't be able to walk away.

Sitting in class, my mind went back to this weekend. Hawks. The club. My face started to heat up when I thought about the young man, the young villain. Dabi. It had all been so ridiculous. I didn't share the details of that conversation with Hawks, since I figured that was payback for putting me in that situation in the first place. And I hadn't told Endeavor what he'd said about coming for him. I needed time to figure out the next move. I needed to be strategic, which was another reason why I was avoiding Shinso.

With him, my emotions led my mind around by the nose. 

The class was given some time in the library to research an upcoming project, but I hadn't even listened to the instructions, so it wasn't like I knew what I was supposed to be doing anyway. Hiding in the back of the library seemed like a better plan; if I could find a quiet place in the stacks where no one would find me, I could stay there for the rest of the time. It wasn't hard to find a section that looked like no one had entered in the past ten years, so I sat down in the row between the shelves. Taking out my headphones, I turned on some music and closed my eyes.

I'm not sure how much time had passed, but at some point I could feel that someone was standing in front of me.

Without even opening my eyes, I knew.

"So I see you're back here hiding like a child."

I took a deep breath as Shinso sat down directly in front of me on the floor. I should have known he would come find me. Maybe I knew it all along and hoped he would. My heart and brain were so mixed up that I wasn't sure anymore what I wanted. 

That's not true. I wanted him. 

But seeing his face, this face I had grown very attached to, and then thinking back on some of the things I'd done... it couldn't continue like this.

There was no way we could be together. And if it went any further, it would only make things worse.

Shinso stretched his long legs out on the floor in front of him with his back against the shelves, effectively blocking me from going anywhere. And then he started talking, almost like he was thinking out loud, as if I wasn't even there.

"You know... I never needed a hero costume before. Obviously. Why would I? But then Aizawa told me last week that he had received approval to add me to the hero course. Combine that with how things were going with you, and I felt like I was having the best week ever."

I wasn't sure if I could listen to an explanation. Either it would hurt my heart to hear him talk about liking someone else or it would hurt my heart to hear that I had misinterpreted what I saw. Either way, I had to stop letting my feelings for him distract me from what I was really doing.

"Please stop," I said quietly. "You don't have to explain this to me."

"I know, but I want to. When you said you couldn't come over, because you were busy, I realized I had some free time and could, for the first time, actually go talk to someone about a hero costume. Me, with a hero costume. Sort of remarkable, right?"