A Spy Among Them (ShinsoxBakugoxDabixAizawaxReader and more..)

Ch. 56 Touching Him

Before leaving for the bar, we stopped in Shigaraki's room so he could find his jacket.

"I sent Dabi on an overnight mission so we wouldn't be interrupted. Dabi likes to think he's in charge, but at the end of the day he'll do what I say, regardless of whatever other stupid ideas he has."

Taking a black hoodie off the back of a chair, Shigaraki tossed it at me. "Put that on."

I put my arms in and brought it up over my head, and when I pulled it over my face, Shigaraki was standing right in front of me.

"Um. Thanks?" I muttered, confused. 

Without saying anything else, Shigaraki took off his shirt, and threw it on the floor, staring at me the entire time. Why did he give me a hoodie to put on when he was taking off his own clothes? I did my best to maintain eye contact with him, almost daring him to blink first. What in the world was he up to? 

"You need practice," he said.

"Oh?" I asked, letting my eyes wander down his chest. He was more muscular than I had imagined, all edges and lean muscle. "What kind of practice are you talking about exactly?"

"These," he said, pointing to his shoulders. "These are old scars, from gun shots. Let's see what you can do with them."

My eyes searched his, slowly realizing that he knew. He knew. 

"How did you..."

"No one keeps secrets from me. I was ready to either keep you as my own pet or kill you. But when Dabi told me about your quirk... having a healer on the team is just something I can't pass up."

"I'm not on your team."

"For now. Time for practice."

I shook my head. "I don't have to do what you say."

He grabbed both of my hands, holding them tightly. "I said, it's time for practice. You want to know our plans right? And how we're getting our intel?"

"Yes..."

"Then time for practice. Follow me."

We walked over to his full length mirror and he motioned for me to stand behind him.

I walked behind him, looking at the marks on his bare shoulders while Shigaraki watched me in the mirror.

The bullets must have gone right through him; from what I could see the scars were fairly large, his skin dented and discolored in places. I wasn't sure if I could do anything with them. I didn't even know how I healed some of Dabi's scars. But with him looking at me like that, I was going to have to try. 

First, however, I touched his hair, wrapping my fingers around a lock of his wavy blue hair, twirling it in my fingers.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his shoulders suddenly tense at my touch.

Without answering, I pulled back his hair on both sides to keep it off his shoulders, using the hair tie from my wrist to tie it in a low knot at the base of his neck.

"There. That's actually sort of cute," I said when I was done, smiling at him in the mirror. His blue hair was no longer covering his face. "Now I can see what I'm doing."

"Just get on with it."

"Fine, fine. Although I don't think this is going to work."

I closed my eyes to concentrate. I wasn't really afraid of him, so I couldn't summon fear. I didn't exactly want to jump his bones, so lust wouldn't work, even though Shigaraki was more attractive with his shirt off and his hair like this. There was the allure of a powerful man standing shirtless in front of me, but that wasn't quite enough. 

I placed one hand on each shoulder. 

The skin under my hands was cool, smooth, and much softer than I had anticipated.

I let my hands press into his skin, gently massaging. He had so much tension in his shoulders, I could feel huge knots of anxiety. I moved my thumbs up and around, alternating light and then firm pressure.

 I found myself actually enjoying giving him this massage as I felt him relax under my touch.

Just then I heard a small moan escape his lips. So he was enjoying it too.

But no spark. No jolt. Nothing.

I opened my eyes and dropped my arms. "I'm sorry. I can't."

For a moment he looked disappointed, but then in the mirror I saw Shigaraki's lips turn up in a sneer. "I could give you a real wound for you to try on yourself."

"You could, but I think my body automatically protects itself. From what has happened so far, for me to heal someone else, there has to be emotion behind it in order for me to activate it."

"Any emotion?"

"I don't know. In the past it's been passion, I guess lust, and...," I said, not wanting to continue the sentence.

"And what?"

"Fear."

Shigaraki laughed. "Lucky for you, that happens to be my specialty."

I gave his little man bun a playful tug.

"Hey, watch it," Shigaraki said, his grimace only making me chuckle.

"I'm sorry. Let me try again."

With one hand on either shoulder, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Massaging the skin hadn't worked, so I needed to try something else. My hands wandered from his shoulders to his neck and back down, gently grazing across his skin.

I felt him relax at my touch again. The skin on his neck was very different from his shoulders; it was scratchy and rough. How long had he been scratching at the same places? My finger tips could feel the irritation and rawness around his collarbone.

This man who instilled so much fear, who had led to so much chaos – what was he so anxious about that he was literally clawing off his own skin?

Shigaraki basically did as he pleased, without consequence. He didn't owe anyone anything.

I pressed my fingers into his collarbone, kneading his skin.

Why did a villain get to live however he pleased, while heroes had to abide by the laws? 

My nails slightly gripped his skin.

What right did Shigaraki have to try to change the way of the world?

Another low moan escaped his lips. "Don't stop," I heard him whisper. I dug in deeper.

Why did he get to have that kind of freedom while the rest of us had to live within the rules and boundaries of society?

It hit me sharply – was I...was I jealous?

With a snap, I yanked my hands off him and opened my eyes, looking first at my hands and then into the mirror where I was met with Shigaraki's red eyes staring right back at me.

He touched his neck and collar as I started to back away in horror at myself. I was jealous of a villain? Dabi's words from earlier came back to me. "Before your judge me and my decisions, take a good look back at yourself."

"I could get used to that," Shigaraki softly remarked as he looked over his skin. "Everything just melted away; it all vanished. It felt fucking fantastic."

Shigaraki turned around and grabbed me, his hands on my shoulders this time.

"No way is Dabi keeping you to himself."

He laughed and admired his newly healed skin again in the mirror. "Amazing."

"I don't know how..." I said, shaking my head.

"Who cares? I can't wait to practice some more with you. But for now, let's go get drunk."