Sander sides oneshots

Cut

Warning: cutting, blood, depression
Patton's POV
I got to my room and locked the door and pressed my back to it. I slid down to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I finally let the tears fall.

The others didn't know I had depression. Of course they didn't. I always had a smile. I didn't let them see the sad broken part of me. Only the happy dad figure, ready to help at anytime. I wanted someone to help me so badly I can't burden them with my problems when they have their own.

"Don't mess it up."

"All of this because Patton can't let go of one person?"

"Hopefully he is better at defending than existing."

Their words echoed in my head as I went to my bathroom. I pulled out my razor and I was about to slid it across my wrist when I stopped. My wrist are too exposed for them not to notice. Instead I lifted my shirt. I hesitated before taking a deep breath. The blade slid smoothly across my skin. I watched as red beads of liquid appeared. More tears collected in my eyes and I made another cut. Then another and another. Next thing I knew my torso was covered in red bloody lines. I checked the time and I had to make dinner soon. I cleaned myself up and rinsed off my razor before putting it away. I pulled my shirt back on and wrapped my cat hoodie around my shoulders.

I took a deep breath before practicing a smile in the mirror. Once I was satisfied I left my room. I got dinner ready and I got through dinner without anybody noticing how fake my smile was.

Once everyone finished their meals they left to do their own things and I started to wash the dishes. The cuts stung and were worse when I accidentally leaned against the sink.

"Do you want any help, Pat?" Logan came into the kitchen. I forced a smile onto my face.

"Nope! I'm almost done," I said in my cheery voice. He frowned.

"That's not what I'm meant." My smile faltered.

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't been very," He searched for the right word, "happy today. When you think we aren't looking you look upset but at soon as someone addresses you there was a big smile on your face. You even disappeared into your room earlier for a long period of time which I noticed is unusual for you," He was calm. I stood shocked. He actually noticed. I pulled a soft smile.

"I'm fine, Logan, seriously," I had finished the dishes and started to leave.

"Patton," His voice was so gentle and it made my heart melt. I stopped but I didn't turn around. "I know there's something wrong. You don't have to hide it." Tears collected in my eyes. I turned around and he immediately pulled me into a hug. My cuts strung with the pressure but I hugged him back as tightly as I could.

"Let's go somewhere more private," He said softly and I nodded. We got to my room and we both sat on my bed. "Would you like to talk about it?" I nodded. "Take as long as you need."

I struggled to find the right words. Where do I even start? My depression? The cutting? The reason for all this? My need to hide it?

"There been something I've been keeping from all of you," I started quietly, "I have depression. I hide it because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems and I don't want anyone to see me as anything but your happy dad figure." I stared at my hands that rested in my lap as more tears came.

"You could never 'burden' any of us with your problems. I'm sure anyone in the mind palace would be more than happy to help you when your feeling less than okay. It's the least we could do when you do nothing but help us." I began to sob at his words and he pulled me into another hug.

Once I was only hiccuping I began to pull away. I know he doesn't like physical contact and I was probably making him uncomfortable.

"Do you still need to hug or cuddle as you say?" He asked.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Lo," I sniffed and wiped some of my tears.

"I am not uncomfortable if it helps you feel satisfactory," He held out his arms out for me and I leaned into his side. We stayed quiet for a while, the only sound was my occasional sniffling. It was a comfortable silence. Then Logan spoke up.

"I know that some people who have depression can sometimes do things that are harmful to theirselves. I want to make sure you haven't done any of that and if you have, it has been taken care of appropriately."

"I cut." He gave me a soft look and stood up.

"I want to make sure none of your cuts are infected." I nodded and pulled off my shirt. The look in his eyes were sad and I felt guilty for causing it. He left to my bathroom and came back with my first aid kit. He pulled out the disinfectant.

"This might sting a bit," He warned. I nodded. Logan rubbed it over my cuts gently and I tried my best to stay still. After he put bandages on to further prevent infections.

"Thank you," I said, my voice was still quiet.

"Of course." He sat next to me and I leaned my head on his shoulder. I know I'm not okay. I won't be for awhile. But maybe Logan can help me. Maybe the others can too.

Have a good week, Kiddos!!!