control || beth x benny

𝟐𝟒. Spill your feelings

「 𝙸 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎

𝚁𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎

𝚃𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 」

15th November – 7 days until US Championship

The shiny sun invaded Beth's room, making her eyes open slowly. Last night she stayed up until 4 A.M, preparing her material and planning her tournament's schedule. Having something to follow made by her, always helped her to keep everything on track. At least her mealtimes. Beth didn't leave her room since her small talk with Leonor. For some reason, she was afraid of seeing Benny in the halls. Instead, her days were spent in the comfortable bed or in the desk and the meals were delivered to her room. She knew that it was unhealthy and probably Alma was one step to come downs from the heaven and hit her with a bag, but Beth didn't care at all.

The temptation to dive in bed sheets again was big but her desire to win was more. After order the usual breakfast, Beth started with her studies. Beth caught herself thinking about Benny after using Caro-Kann defense. How was he doing? Did he already wake up? Beth rolled her eyes as she realized how idiot was from her to think about such silly things while he didn't even bother to call her after she stopped calling him. What stopped him from calling her back? Maybe his pride? For her, that reason didn't make any sense. She tried to switch the positions and yet she couldn't find an excuse to justify the fact that he never called her back or tried to reach her. However, there was a huge difference between them: she was in love with him, but he wasn't. After Benny left, Beth started to read some books non-chess related and she concluded that love makes people stupid and dumb. Also, a little more vulnerable.

...

Beth decided to leave her room at 1 A.M. She putted her slippers and tied the robe tightly. As predicted, the halls were empty which made her walk pleasant. Thinking about life while walking was more immersive than she thought. This time the tournament would be in the hotel, not in some auditorium's school which made her feel happy. Maybe it was a sign that chess started to be more appreciated, giving another kind of attention.

"Beth!" A male voice resonated behind her, making her body turn around. She frowns, looking at Benny's facial expression. Why was he here and what was he doing up so late? She started to walk reluctant in his direction while his steps made his way to her.

"What are you doing here?" Beth raised her eyebrow, confused with their meeting.

"What do you mean? I'm one of-"

"I know that." Her eyes rolled. "But the tournament it's in a week."

"Oh yes, about that. I decided to come early to visit some friends."

"You have lots of friends." She smirked. "Well, have a good night Benny. It's already late."

She turned her body to the opposite direction, crossing her arms. Seeing him after one week without hearing from him, was weird and made her upset. For her, that week in her house was more than a little visit. It was something symbolic, meaningful for her heart and feelings.

"Calm down Beth. Something happened?" He interrupted her, grabbing her arm. Beth's eyes made her way to Benny's face. He was confused and the bags under his eyes might accused a few days with sleep deprivation.

"Are you joking, Benny? When I called you, you were always tired, so I stopped calling. I didn't want to disturb you anymore."

"What are you talking about? You never disturbed me, quite the opposite. Talking with you after a long day felt... good."

"Why didn't you call me instead?" Beth took a deep breath, looking at him.

"I don't know." He shrugged, running from her hazel eyes. "I guess... I was afraid."

"Afraid of what Benny?"

The hall was bathed in an oppressive silent for several minutes. Once again, Beth was confused with his attitude. Everything was so simple in Kentucky, with him. And now, in the middle of the hall, he was someone that she could not understand.

"I don't know Beth." He gasped, massaging the back of his neck.

"Are you sorry?"

"For what?"

"For staying a week with me." Her eyes analyzed his face meticulously, searching for some hesitation in his facial features.

"Of course not Beth! It was really funny." His hands stopped in her shoulder, squeezing firmly. "It's just..."

"Keep going." His delay made Beth's heart speed up and the fear of the next words might hurt her, made her breath deregulate.

"I don't wanna screw what we have."

"And what do we have?"

"That's the point, Beth. What do we have? I've been thinking about that question for days and I can't answer it. You're one of my closest friends right now and I'm afraid of screwing everything if we decide to take the next step."

She analyzed his sentence and it made sense in her head. Her heart was screaming because she couldn't stand anymore with her feelings stuck in her throat, without saying anything but on the other hand, he was probably right. Having a relationship could be good but also it could be a disaster, for both of them. It could ruin their friendship or prejudice their performance while playing chess. Love makes people vulnerable.

"Do you have feelings for me?" She gets closer to him, resting her hands on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat racing just like her. She wasn't the only one.

"I thought it was obvious. I don't kiss my friends often nor sleep with them." He rolled his eyes while his fingers played with her hair.

"Do you love me?" Her fingers started to dance with his hair while her eyes stared at the male face, carefully.

"I don't know." He shrugged, compressing his lips. "That's a really hard question."

She forced a smile. Her mind only thought in two answers: yes or no. She didn't consider an 'I don't know'. Maybe the rejection would hurt her but at least she was aware of his feelings. But the real answer led her to square one. He wasn't sure about his feelings while she was never so certain about loving someone.