control || beth x benny

𝟎𝟏. Bad Timming

I remember someone saying, "You can beat everything, but you can't defeat time".

In that time, I didn't understand until now.

After winning the World Chess Championship, I found myself drowning in doubts, insecurities, without any guidance or any hope, I was lost. I had everything I wanted. Or almost everything.

Fortunately, after returning from Moscow, Jolene was waiting for me in front of my house with her warm smile. I was genuinely happy to see a face who didn't remind me of Russia. For some months I had her company. She stayed around for a while, to make sure I wouldn't do anything stupid or selfless. But again, nothing lasts forever, and this case was not different.

Jolene had to leave so she could take care of Law College's papers and I was back to square one.

Now it is September and here I am, lying on my couch while the autumn sun enters by the window, warming my bare foot. I wanted to take a nap but instead, I'm reading the latest edition of Chess Review. During the lecture, my eyes stopped in page 10, "Interviewing Benny Watts, The Chess Prodigy."

I really wanted to turn the page, but I wasn't able resist. Consequently, without noticing, I ended up reading the whole article.

"Q.: Benny, how do you feel about seeing America as a new World Championship?

A.: Obviously, I feel very proud. I believe in our next generation to keep the title. I'm feeling the luckiest guy to belong to the generation who defeated Russia after so many years.

Q.: Elizabeth Harmon, the first American woman who gave us this title it was one of your rivals and she defeated you. Still holding any grudges?

A.: (Laughs) Not at all. The first time I played against her, it was kind of obvious that I was going to win. But the second time we faced each other; she wasn't the same girl anymore. She grew up just like her chess skills. It was an honor to dispute the first place against her.

Q.: Thank you so much for your time, Benny. Any advice for beginners who aspires to be like you?

A.: Read books, replay pro's games, and buy my book. (Laughs)"

I left the magazine slip through my fingers. I was lost for words, without knowing what to think. Benny. After leaving Russia, I never called him back. We never had a chance to speak properly. I mean, we had but my existential crises spoke louder for a while.

Should I call him? Maybe it's not a good idea. I messed up everything by that time, when I declined his invitation to stay with him in New York and well, calling him after months without any contact, any letter, anything, can be awkward for both of us.

Again, this is me trying to sabotage myself. I really need to stop this.

Walking straight to the kitchen, I stared at the telephone. After two long deep breaths, my hand grabbed the phone and with the other one,  my shaky fingers slipped through the numbers. My heart was racing like it was going to jump out of my mouth. I hate feeling things.

In that moment, four seconds seemed like an eternity. When the call was answered, I held much air as I could in my lunges. I can't do this. This idea was ridiculous. What was I thinking? Oh god I am feeling so ashamed right now.

"Hello? Is anyone there? " A female voice blossomed from the other side of the line.

"Who is it?" It's Benny's voice.

"I don't know. No one speaks"

Without hesitation, I turned off the phone. He was with a girl. Oh god this was so awkward.

Elizabeth, you are officially forbidden to call Benny Watts. No matter the circumstances.