control || beth x benny

𝟏𝟏. Simplifying feelings

25th October – 1 day until US Open Championship – PART 1

The next days were very stressful. Elizabeth tried to keep her focus only in her chess board and in her books. She wanted to win again.

How can you be such a fucking genius with chess and so bad at emotions, Elizabeth?

Although, she couldn't forget his words. He was right. How can someone be so bad with feelings which is something so... unconscious and primitive? During the night, she repeated exhaustively their fight in her head. Even the minor details, she couldn't let it go. He said old feelings. Now, for her it's clear that her feelings aren't reciprocated. With Townes, everything seemed to be so easier when she needed to forget him. Maybe it was due his sexual orientation but with Benny? Everything was so much intense. His eyes contact had the power to make Elizabeth's legs get weak. Secretly, Elizabeth loves to feel the warm in her cheeks every time he smiles at her.

" Earth to Beth. "  Sophie chuckles."  Are you ok sweetheart? Your face is red like strawberries."

"    Oh, I'm sorry."  Elizabeth giggled, shy. "  I was just thinking. What were you saying?"

"   I was inviting you to come with me to a party."

"    A party?" 

" A party."

"    But tomorrow the tournament starts."

"   Silly, the party will be during the afternoon. I told you, it's a simple social meeting."

"   I should stay and study..."

"   Study? "  Sophie raised both of eyebrows. "  Elizabeth Harmon you don't leave this room for a week, studying. You seem to be paler than the usual. "  She rolled her eyes as she made her way to the curtains, opening them sharply letting the morning sun invading her room. "  See, you barely can't open your eyes.

"    Maybe because I wasn't ready. "  Elizabeth muttered back. "  But fine, I'll go. Only two hours."

"  Sweet! "  Sophie clapped her hands, satisfied. "  Oh, Beth, everything is alright?"

"  What do you mean?"

" I don't know... you look kinda sad." 

"  You should stop reading those books. "  Elizabeth smiles.

" But are you ok?"

"  How do you know if someone is interested in you?" It was hard for her to say those words out loud but she knew that Sophie was the right person.

"Hmmm. "  Sophie teased her with a smile. "  Why Harmon? Who's in your thoughts? "  She laughed.

" I don't know. I mean, I know. But I don't know if he feels the same."

" Hmmm. Why don't you ask directly?"

" Because we had a fight and plus, I'm not brave enough to do that."

" If you had a fight, just sit and talk like an adult. Besides, I can't find any valid reason for someone not liking you back."

"Maybe because I'm a fucking genius at chess which makes me terrible at feelings. "  Her hands covered her eyes. She was so tired.

" You might be a genius at chess but until then, you are a human and let me say, for someone who's bad at feelings you're doing great at being sad."

"What do you mean? "  Beth stared Sophie, confused.

"Well, If you can feel the sadness so deeply, you can feel the other emotions equally."

" I know that. But I can't express." 

" Everyone has their own way to show how do they feel. You're not an exception. Instead of forcing yourself to reveal your feelings in ways that you can't, why don't you try to express in your own way? For example: when you get sad, you don't think about what people do. Subconsciously, you have your own reaction. And in the love, the same rules applies. If you love someone, you need to be yourself because what works for you, does not has to work for the others. It's kinda like chess, isn't?" 

Beth admired Sophie with her mouth slightly open.

"Where have you been in my whole life?"