control || beth x benny

𝟎𝟒. Dear Sophie

American Chess Congress, New York – Day 2

" Today is the third-finals. I can tell in thirteen years of experience I never saw something like this. This atmosphere is overwhelming. At this moment, if one of the players flinches, there will be no way to come back to the field again. We are in one of the most dangerous and slaughter chess battlefields ever experienced in New York."

I checked in the mirror again. I looked at my lipstick and my hair for the 5th time. I closed my eyes and took three deep-breaths and after that, I left the bathroom. Once I put my foot in hall, I only could see the flashes towards me and hear multiple voices from different interviewers, doing thousands of questions. 

"Harmon and Borgov are the most awaited match of the day. The whites open the game. Beth Harmon opens the match with her first move to d4."

...

"   Elizabeth advances for the third finals after surviving to the roughest game of the day. We can see her from here and she's still shaking. Being the White Queen isn't easy. " He giggled. " We'll return at 7 P.M with semi-finals. Stay tuned."

I could feel my hands getting sweaty. Fortunately, I could walk decently. It's been years since my heart is shaking this way. My head was screaming for a reset. Not even in Russia I experienced this shattering atmosphere. When the magazines glorified Borgov, they were not overestimating him at all.

"   Ma'am you need something?" One of my private bodyguards named Charles walked me to my room.

"   No thank you. I'll just rest and ask for delivery service."

"   At your service, ma'am."

...

"  Today we close the day with Elizabeth Harmon and Frank Jones as winners. Don't miss tomorrow, 10 A.M. "

I didn't know that it was humanly possible to play like this. After Chess Worlds, I can confess that I got a little rusty. Even almost falling asleep while I walk to the restaurant, I feel something good. The sensation of winning hard games is one of the most wonderful feelings in my life. Frank Jones has an extraordinary mind. The way he was thinking about the whole game was amazing, I could see my younger me in him. He may have some flaws but everyone has it, even me.

"   Hey winner, want some company? " Sophie smiled at me. Sophie is Patrick's fiancée, one of the players whose got disqualified in first round.

I meet Sophie before the third finals. We bump into each other in hall and I took initiative to start a talk with her. She was one of the simplest and most humble girls in that hotel. The way she processes and think about things, fascinated me.

"  Sure."

"Great. My husband dumped me. Once again, chess table always wins my husband's heart."

I ended up laughing a little bit louder than I should.

"   I mean it. I can't understand the chess' beauty."

"   It would be boring if everyone were able to see the beauty in chess, don't you think?"

"  Hm, I think so. " She winked at me. "Let's get into this one. They serve Mexican food."

"   Two Ketto Stuffed Peppers, please. " Sophie asked. "So, tell me, Beth, what's your hobbies?"

I looked at her with a little smile. After swallowing a sip of water, I looked at my napkin. " Well, it's hard to tell... Chess it's also my hobbie. " I mumbled, smiling. " But besides that, maybe shopping. And you?"

"    We need to shop together, then. " Sophie proposed a toast with two cups of water, making me giggle. "  Well since I work as a cooker, I guess my hobbies are read books, playing guitar and buy clothes too.

"    What kind of books? "  I smiled.

"    Books about the human brain."

"   It sounds... Complicated and painful."

"    It's funny. "  She laughs. " Actually, Patrick gave me the first book about that subject."

"   How many years have you been in a relationship?"

"  Hmm, maybe three years."

"  That's a lot..." I smiled. " You seem happy."

"   Well, I guess I'm happy. Even when he dumps me."

I felt jealous in that moment. I was jealous because I couldn't find the joy that Sophie found. I felt bad because everyone around me seemed so happy and even with the best friends in the world, but something was missing. Not something but someone. Someone that was not in my world. Not anymore.

"   Your facial expression reminds me when I was young and confused."

"  Oh, I'm so sorry. I was with my head in the clouds."

"   It's ok. I believe is not easy for you to communicate with others."

"   What do you mean? " I gazed at her.

"Everything should be balanced. And well, you can't be a genius in chess and be good at expressing your feelings."

I looked at her, without knowing what to say. She was right about everything. I felt bad about that fact. I will always be good at chess, but when it comes to emotional matter's, I will always suck somehow.

"   But... " Sophie pulled me out of my thoughts.

"  But?"

"  It doesn't make you a bad person, either. It's your personality and our personality it's what make us unique. That's why you have friends, people who cares about you. They like you just the way you are."

"   What if I'm not good enough? " The way that Sophie was able to communicate so openly her thoughts, made me feel safe and vulnerable. I wanted her to answer my inner questions that I couldn't find an answer.

"   You're good enough. You're more than enough. Don't forget that. "

I was amazed by her. Why was she being so cool with me? Why do I feel so beloved for hearing these things from a person that I met three days ago?

"  Here is your Ketto Stuffed Peppers, my ladies."

"  Thank you. " Sophie and I smiled at the waiter.