What's Enough?

Chapter 128

The fluffy blanket covers every inch of my body as I lay to the side of my bed. I've been laying here for three days straight. The past three days have consisted of me just going downstairs to eat and coming back up to sleep, and then getting back up for work.

My body aches, my heartaches.

I miss Caleb so much; we've gone longer than three days without talking to each other, but knowing now that our relationship is over, makes everything worse. I've been replaying that whole night in my head; maybe I should've just slept with him and got it over with him.

If only I wasn't so insecure about the way that I looked. I would have done it with him if I felt comfortable in my own skin. But I don't.

And because of that, that's why I couldn't sleep with him.

Or at least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.

My mind continually keeps going back to the fact that maybe I just wasn't ready; it wasn't my time.

Losing your virginity is not always about just having sex with someone you love. It's about letting that someone see your naked soul with all the scars you've endured in your life.

I've always believed that my virginity was a treasure. When I was younger, I believed it more.

As I got older, though, the pressure was on. I hate that the world has put an age limit on virginity.

Like we're a box of cereal approaching our expiration date.

They say that you're too young to have sex when you're 15 and under but yet soon as you hit the ripe age of 16 and up now, it's you're too old to still be a virgin.

Society has molded the minds of young girls into thinking that there's a certain age you should lose your virginity. Not just girls but boys too; god forbid a boy to be over the age of 16 and still a virgin.

Girls are looked down on for losing their virginity too young, but yet boys are praised. It's absurd.

When a boy loses his virginity young, he is honored as a king, but when a girl loses it, we are characterless.

I wish we could just normalize not having a sexual partner in our teen years.

Or not losing our virginity in our teen years.

How about we normalize the acceptance of celibacy among teens and adults, for men and women.

Maybe we should try normalizing sex being between too married people as it was centuries ago.

Better yet, how about we normalize allowing our naked body to belong to someone who fell in love with our naked soul.

Let's unnormalize the saying he/she TOOK my virginity and instead normalize saying I ALLOWED he/she to hold my treasure with not only mines but his heart also.

Being a virgin in this generation is something we should be proud of and feel superior about. Let's normalize that.

...

"So you have been pretty much up in your room for the past three days," my grandfather states from across the dinner table, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I've just been tired."

He gives me a warm smile and then says, "If you excuse me, I was on my way to talk to your father; I'll be back,"

"Okay,"

He stands up from the table and then makes his way down the hall. Once I'm sure he's in, I slowly stand up and go down also. I want to hear what they're talking about.