What's Enough?

Chapter 149

"What do you want to watch?" he asks me.

I finish chewing my pizza and say, "It doesn't matter,"

He flicks through on-demand and then chooses John Wick.

"Good choice," I compliment him.

"You like this movie?"

"Of course, don't be sexist," I state. He would be surprised that I like John Wick. I'm a girl; I should be suggesting some chick flick like, The Notebook, The Last Song, Titanic, all of which are amazing moves but, I'd prefer action-adventure over romance movies.

Why watch something I know I will never have. Nor do I want to have.

He starts the movie; I sit as far away from him as possible and keep looking straight ahead. About an hour in, we went from being apart to being two inches away from each other; how did this happen? I have no idea.

One minute we were talking about the graphics and the CGI concept, the next minute, we were inches away; I'm sure the moving closer to each other came with the laughs we shared. All I can think about is what Blair was saying earlier; I know she's wrong, but what if she's right?

What if he does want to have sex? What if this whole time him caring and saying he loves me was just some ruse to take my virginity?

My heart beats faster at the thought. No. Nope. Ryder wouldn't do that. I know that people are capable of anything, but Ryder, he wouldn't.

I have been reading way too many Wattpad books. I need to stick to the published things from now on.

I'm finally starting to consider Ryder as my friend; I can't even begin to think about us being more than that. I like him as a friend, nothing more. We kissed, that's that. He's my friend, and we kissed, so of course, I felt something.

Lust. For me, it was lust; for him, it was love. I still have a hard time comprehending that. Ryder Adams loves me, has always loved me. Just saying the words in my head is weird.

I lean against the pillow on my side and continue watching as John Wick seeks vengeance on the people who killed his dog. That's so sweet, avenging your dog, who wouldn't—what a wholesome movie.

Before I know it, I am dozing off to sleep. Ryder better be gone before I wake up.

...

Warm. It feels like I am lying on one of those heated pillows. But I am not, because this pillow is hard. Wait a minute, the feeling in my fingers finally wakes up; this isn't a pillow. It's skin. I open my eyes one by one to find myself lying on a torso.

I lift up and then look up; Ryder is lying on his back, awake with his phone in hand and the other behind his head. "You're awake?!" I shout. He just let me lay on him knowingly.

He looks at me. "Yes,"

"I was laying on you,"

"Yeah, I know," he says with a smile.

"And you didn't tell me to get off of you?"

He shakes his head, "No, why would I? You looked so peaceful,"

"Ryder, first of all, why the hell are you still in here? I thought you were going to sleep on the couch,"

His lips press into a line, and then he says, "I was, but then you fell asleep during the movie and laid on me,"

"No, I didn't," I defend, not knowing what happened, "I was laying on my pillow," I do remember turning the opposite way from and laying on my pillow.