What's Enough?

Chapter 161

Ryder POV

"Ashely, I'm not going to have sex with you, so you can leave?" If that's what she drove all this way for then, it was a waste of time.

She paces back and forth, "I'm not here for that," she says, disgusted like she hasn't slept with me hundreds of times. "I have a question,"

"Okay?"

"How did you do it?" she asks.

What is she talking about? "Do what?"

She stops pacing and then turns my way. "You and Jayda, how did you just want to tell people? Weren't you scared? Nervous,"

"First of all, I didn't tell anyone anything she didn't either; she and I are friends, nothing more, so there's nothing to tell," Even if we were together right now, I...we would most likely not tell anyone, it's none of their business, plus, I know Jayda isn't the type of girl to parade around a relationship.

Without asking, she takes a seat on my bed, "Okay, but people know something is up between you too. You're always around her; you two sit at the same fucking lunch table. You had to know people were going to talk, yet you left "us" and became friends with her, did you not care what people were going to think,"

"I did. But not enough to want not to be friends with her," At some point, I realized that all this high school clique shit is childish as fuck, and they're more important things in life than statuses. "I love Jayda," I admit to someone other than Jayda herself for the first time.

She rolls her eyes, "Yeah, that's not really a surprise; you've been in love with her since like, forever," she says.

"Whatever, the point is I love her, and that was enough for me,"

Once I got over the prideful, controlling thing. I realized not only did I want to change for her, but I wanted to change for myself. I was tired of being someone who, deep down, I knew I was not; it's exhausting trying to fit in.

"I love Jess," she says. I think that is her first time admitting her love for Jessica out loud. They are different from Jayda and I. Jessica, and Ashely have been in love with each other since elementary, and they both knew it.

The difference is Ashely was always in denial of her love for Jess. Jess was avid about her love for Ashely, but for so long, Ashely fought her feelings. Wait, maybe there is no difference between Jayda and I and them. I'm very passionate about love for her; I tell her I love her any chance I get, but she has yet to say it back. The night I told her that I loved her, I also said I didn't want her to say it back or to say anything, I wanted her to have time to process it; I wanted her to fall in love with me. My love for her happened quickly. How long does it take someone to fall in love with you?

"Ashely, if you love Jessica, just come out,"

"It isn't that easy,"

I have no choice but to believe her. I have no idea how it would feel to tell your parents something like that. Maybe if parents just accepted that you are who you are, and you love who you love. The whole, coming out the closet thing wouldn't seem like a nuclear explosion. They're your parents. They should love you through whatever.

My phone rings, it's Jayda. I meant to call her because she didn't show for school; if I didn't have a test in every freaking class, I would've skipped and gone to her house. But I know she would've wanted me to stay and take my tests, so I did, and then when I was about to call her after arriving back home, Ash busted through the doors all hysterical.

She looks at me and says, "I don't know what to do,"

I tell her, "Don't think, just do," When we think, the doubts float through our brain; if we just do, the floating doubts don't have time to form.