"I wanted to remind him of the night we cleared things out. He has all the right to fear especially that we're deviating from the norm.
But what is really considered normal? Men before us were in this kind of relationship already. The Romans knew ab...
Life went on like nothing happened. An overrated statement with an obscene truth. The world doesn't stop turning just because you experienced something life changing. Life goes on with or without you. You either suck it up or get left behind wallowing in self-pity.
I understand that we all cope differently, but I'm tired hiding from the world. They could take me all in with what's left of me or shut me out. I couldn't care less anymore. I did it. Now, it's time to move on.
That's what I tried to tell myself. I thought I could, but I was caught in another lie. It's harder said than done. I couldn't keep up with the old me. I couldn't continue putting up a façade. I felt desperation. I felt lost. I knew I just wanted to be found again.
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Do you know how it feels living without a heart and soul? The world becomes monochromatic. I only saw one shade and it was grey. There were fleeting moments of color. A rainbow bubble. But, like any bubble, it bursts and I was left in the shades of grey once again.
Do you know when you wanted to ask for help, but you can't? I was there. I was silently screaming in the vastness of people streaming by. I wanted them to notice and to ask me if I was okay, but I knew that I'd only shy away and say that everything was fine even when I wasn't. I kept it too well. My pent up feelings were caged and it was pure torture, but I deserved it. I definitely did, after what I did to Hia.
He's not mine anymore. I lost Hia. And I'm unable to find him. Unable to be comforted by him. He's not Hia anymore. He's just Phawin now. Just Phawin.
"P'Team? Are you here?", I heard Mook looking for me.
She came into the dark room as I was hanging films that I have recently developed. They contained the images from the fan meet that I bailed out of. I haven't apologized to Nam yet and I was trying to make up for my absence by helping out Mook. I have no intentions of meeting Nam, actually. I was avoiding her. I was avoiding all of my close friends.
"I'm here.", I called out to her at the far side of the room where the film strips are usually hanged to dry.
"Aren't you suppose to have swimming practice today?", she asked as she came near me.
