Wolfstar oneshots :)

just scared.

(back story, they've been dating for like a few days)
i kissed him hard and wrapped my arm around his hips, needing, wanting more. stop it. i stiffened slightly as more thoughts crept into my brain. you aren't gay. i pulled away "you okay?" remus asked softly rubbing circles on my hips.
but i didn't say anything just layed down. i felt remus wipe tears off my face, i didn't even realize i was crying. "i'm sorry rem." "it's okay." he hugged me and rested his head on my shoulder. "i really like you remus, i just don't know how. how to be gay, without thinking it's a sin." he rubbed my shoulder softly and kissed my neck i turned my head to the other side so remus had more room to kiss. but he didn't. he just layed back down "we can do this together, hm? i can show you that loving isn't a sin." i wiped my tears and turned to remus "together." i pulled him into a soft kiss. just focus on him. i rubbed my hands across his soft skin, it wasn't enough "touch me." he put his arm on the small of my back and pulled my hips towards his. he pulled away "no, we can't. if you think it's bad already, this is just gonna make you feel worse. just be in a relationship, let me take care of you without sex." i looked at him "can we atleast kiss?" he laughed and smiled "james is gonna be back from detention soon, just chill. we can go on a date next weekend." i smiled and layed back down on my bed and picked up a book to pass time. james walked in and flopped onto his bed "holy shit sirius." i looked up from my book "what?" "that's a hickey." i looked down at my collarbone and yeah. a small hickey was there. "oh don't be daft . i'm aloud to sleep with girls." i could tell i had hurt remus with that sentence, but that didn't matter. i did no want to get caught. "so, who was it!" i saw remus, turning the color of crimson. "some random, she had nice eyes." james nodded and fell onto his bed again with a huff. i was gonna make remus pay for that later.
-time skip, the time of there date-
we slipped away from the group at different times and headed for the secrecy tunnel. i found remus sitting down on the floor "you are gonna pay for that hickey." he laughed and stood up with a smile "it was just a little one. " i laughed and hit his shoulder "okay so where's my fancy muggle date." he wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my head "it's more fancy. it's a park. a pretty park tho don't worry" i looked at him with worry "it's private. no ones gonna see us, i promise." i held his hand just a little tighter. soon we arrived in hogsmead but we quickly left and headed to the park.
it was small, it had a tiny lake and a bench. i followed him over to the bench and he sat down "lay down, head on my
lap" i smiled softly and did as told. he played with my hair and whispered sweet things "is this what it's like?" he looked
down at me with confusion "is this what what's like?" a fell into his hands just a little more "being in a health relationship. i've only ever hooked up with random girls before. just to fill a void, you know, feel okay." we were quiet for a few moments. "yeah, yeah it is." i smiled and went back to looking at the lake. everything was okay, i felt okay. "are you gonna leave me?" he looked down at me "sorry it's just everytime i feel okay, someone leaves. i just don't want it to be you." remus held my hand and leaned down kissing me "i'm not gonna leave. you're stuck with me loser" i laughed and kissed him again. "when are we gonna tell james?" "if that's a step you wanna take sometime in the future then we can do it. but we need to take it slow, you're new to this. we can't rush through this, i don't wanna hurt you."
"you're not gonna hurt me. i'm not breakable."
he huffed and sat me up "when i was 14, it was summer. i was at home and i was at a book shop, and i met a guy. he was wonderful. everything i could have wanted. we went on a few dates, saw a few movies. kissed. we fucked. and then he left. and it was so terrible, i didn't eat for days. i layed in bed a did nothing. i didn't function, it was so sad. no one noticed either, that's was was the worst part." i looked at him, and there was nothing but love. "but you're not gonna do that to me. you just said-"
"no i'm not. but someone else will, and i don't want that to happen, so if we rush you're not gonna like it. just trust me."
i looked at him again. i new he was right, i just wanted to know, to know what it was like. to be able to look at someone and think about the nights where you didn't sleep,hands were everywhere. to look at someone and think about how they made you arch your back. or look at someone and be able to see through there clothes, someone you actually liked or course.
"i know." i hugged him and didnt let go. i just want to be okay. i leaned up and kissed him softly, then i wrapped my arms around his neck and it quickly turned heated but then remus pulled away "we've been gone for hours, we need to head back now." i groaned and got up "you are such a cockblock" "mm yeah sure. give it a few weeks." he kissed my neck softly and then continued to hogsmead. the walk was silent; a nice silent. i waited for a few minutes before walking back in. remus was asleep in the couch and james was sitting with lily on a chair. i plopped down "so, what's moonys nickname for you?" "what?" he looked at lily "pet names. how long have you two been together?" i looked down trying not to choke "i don't know what your talking about" "okay whatever." i picked up a glass of juice and took a sip "okay pads, that's a truth potion.how long have you two been together?" "you prick."
"answer." "a few weeks." james got up and walked over to me, he hugged me. i looked down at my lap. "he's gonna be bloody pissed." james sat back down in his seat "REMUS!" remus sat up with a groan "i drugged your boyfriend. happy three weeks." "what?"
"gave him truth potion. asked him who he was dating." "you prick. siri come here" i walked over and layed down next to him crawling under his blanket. he kissed my cheek and we drifted off to sleep.
"remus!sirius! wake up before someone sees" we both groaned but got up. we walked back to the dorms. we got into bed and layed down. i don't know why, or how i got remus to be mine. like yeah i know we kissed after potions class in the hallway but why did he keep, why did he not just leave. i let myself drift to sleep with a warm pair of arms around my waist.
-next morning-
i woke up to remus sitting on the end of the bed with a book. i sat up and kissed his neck "good morning baby" i instantly went red "your morning voice is...hot." he closed his book and turned around "mm and what about like this "pretty little thing, get on your knees" i breathed and tried to compose myself "you prick. saying this shit them saying no sex?cockblock." he smirked and brought his lips to my neck "i said nothing below the waist. heavy make out session is on the table" i fell back against the bed as remus climbed on top of me
-time skip-
remus finally pulled away and sat back down. "you were pretty good for the above the waist rule." i laughed "i pride myself on my self control"
"wanna get breakfast?" he looked around and realized that there wasn't anyone else around "yeah." we got up and headed down to breakfast.
i sat down with remus and james and lily across "you two had fun" i glanced at my neck that was covered in hickeys. "shove off potter" remus laughed and picked up some toast handing it to me i took it without thought and started to eat. i picked up the juice in front of me and took a sip and james laughed "okay more truth potion." i glared at him "what were you two doing"
"making out. cockblock lupin says nothing below the waist, for my good or something. dosnt want me hurt." the group went silent. i covered my mouth and remus got up leaving. "sirius..." james looked at me "i think he's right. you've never been with a guy. you've never dated a guy, i think he just wants what's good for you. also he just ran out of the great hall so maybe, go after him." i nodded and got up heading straight to the dorms. remus was in the common room with his legs to his chest staring at the ground. "i'm sorry." he looked up "it's fine. you couldn't control it. just feel bad, didn't know sex meant that much to you." i ran to his side "no no no. it dosnt. i just don't get it, i feel like you're not attracted to me or something. i've never been told no, it feels nice.i like it."
remus smiled at me and hugged me. "let's go. it's almost summer break, we can go everywhere. and we can build memories then i'll take you to a nice hotel and we can do it." remus looked at me "go where?"
"we can start off in newyork, then go to vermont, and then maine. i've always wanted to go to maine, we can get a cabin and we can light a fire and satin sheets. ittle be perfect." he looked down at me "okay."
-time skip.3 weeks-
"you better owl me atleast once a week!" james was holding my shoulders with a grip. lily was holding remus shoulder with a grip "don't go insane." she pulled remus into a hug as james did the same with me. james turned to remus "don't hurt him."
and lily turned to me "don't hurt him."
remus and i went on our way and and aparated and we were in a tiny hotel room, showing out across the vast of buildings and highways "welcome to newyork sirius." i smiled and kissed remus before flopping down on the bed with a smile. we walked around the streets with a smile plastered on our faces "i want those." i pointed to a pair of platform doc martens with a smirk on my face. "okay, fine. but we're stealing we don't have that money." i cast a spell that stopped time for five minutes, i ran in grabbed the shoes and a leathers jacket and put them on walking out
"you look hot." i hit his arm as time continued on and we kept walking. we arrived at a small cafe "you have 20 muggle dollars?" remus looked in his wallet "i have about 200" i smiled and took him into the cafe.
"i'll have a muffin and a iced coffee, he'll have the same." the waitress nodded "that's gonna be 15.99" i nudged remus and he handed her the money.
we got our food and headed out.
-time skip-
we layed on the balcony of hotel and remus pulled out a muggle polaroid camera and took a photo of me staring at the stars, then a photo of the sky, where you could see my constellation, you could see sirius. i smiled and took his hand in mine, he took a photo.
this was gonna be a fun two weeks.
-time skip, vermont.-
we sat in a a tiny cabin as fog rolled in from the open window. remus got up and took my hand. leading me out the door, i looked around and there was so many trees. they towered above us and remus dropped my hand pulling out his polaroid camera and taking a photo of the trees. "sirius, go sit on the door step." i looked at him like he was mad but listened, he walked in front of me and took a photo i giggled and got up heading back inside. remus was back shortly after and sat down on the bed. he smiled at me as i hung a kettle over the fire and poured some water in
"it's cold siri, come to bed." i hesitated but gave in and layed down next to my beautiful boyfriend and wrapped my arm around his waist "we need to owl james" remus nodded and got up heading to the small table and pulled out a piece of pater
dear james's,
we're in vermont, it's beautiful. there's a tiny cabin in the middle of the woods, it's simply stunning. i've been taking photos and i'm going to get them doubled before we leave maine, give half to sirius and keep half for myself. he's gonna love it.
i know you might not want to hear this but we're planning on having sex in maine. im truly terrified, i just keep wondering if i won't be enough. anyway, well be back before you miss us.
love,
remus lupin
-remus pov-
i folded the paper and gave it it my owl sending it off before pouring to cups of tea and returning to bed. sirius was shirtless and had his cup balancing on his chest. i took a photo and set the camera down. i loved him so much. i placed kissed all over his chest and sucked right behind his ear. i'm in love with this man, and it's simply amazing.
-two weeks later, maine.-
-sirius pov-
i stood in the kitchen as remus layed on some silk sheets we had picked up in vermont. they were a light purple and had dark purple pillows. "sirius, it's late, come lay down." i nodded and pulled my shirt off laying down. "you're shaking." i nodded and pulled him closer "just scared." he kissed my head "we have two weeks,we can wait all we want."
"i just don't want to ruin us."
he played with my hair "we don't need to if you don't want to." i nodded and kissed him before turning out the lights.
-next morning-
i woke to a flash, it was remus' camera. "you just looked so pretty" i smiled and covered my eyes. there was a knock on the window and remus got up letting our owl in. remus took the note and read it to himself.
dear remus,
i'm glad you two are having fun. i'm sure it's beautiful in vermont and i better see those photos next year. you're in maine now? almost time for the deed. i'm sure you will be fine, sirius is definitely just as nervous if i know him at all, which i do. have a fun two weeks.
love,
james &lily.
"so, whatd he say?" he folded it and left it on the table "he wants to see the photos i've been taking, he thinks maine must be beautiful. nothing else really." i nodded and smiled softly at remus. my nerves were still insane and i just didn't know how to calm down.
"there's a book store about two miles out, do you wanna walk?" i threw a shirt on with a smile "yeah. that sounds fun."
we headed out for the long walk to the book shop
"my feet hurt" i said as i walked "i told you not to wear your platforms, they blister"
i huffed and continued to walk with a limp "come here" i walked over to remus and he carefully picked me up so he was holding me. we walked like that until the book store where he put me down. we walked inside and looked all around. i found a poem book, it was by fedrico garcia lorca, i opened the book and flipped to a page.
"you will never understand how much i love you, because you sleep on me;i hide, crying, persecuted by a voice like biting Iron" remus had read it aloud over my shoulder. "fredrico gracia lorca was a leftist poet in the early 1900's, he was spain's most famous poet. after his death it was revealed he had a 6 year long relationship with famous painter salvador dali. died before the letter he had written the same day could be sent out to his lost lover" i closed the book and turned around. "can you buy it for me?" remus nodded and took it out my hands and went to the register buying the rest of the books he wanted.
-time skip, two weeks-
it was 9:45 p.m, remus was in the bathroom taking a shower and i was on the bed reading the poem book.
in the bright morning i wanted to be me, a heart.
and in the fallen afternoon i wanted to be a voice.
i closed the book and pulled the sheets up to my chest.
"it's bloody freezing."i muttered
"maybe satin sheets weren't the way to go." remus pulled a blanket out of his trunk and layed it on top of me before kissing my forehead
"very romantic, yes, but not very functional." he laughed and layed down next to me.
"we're leaving tomorrow" i said breaking the silence
"yeah."
"i wanna do it remus. i'm just scared."
remus played with my hair and hummed softly "i know baby."
"does it hurt?" remus kissed my neck and left a small hickey
"i wont lie, yeah it does. at first, but then it feels amazing." i nodded softly and caught his lips in mine.
-third person pov-
it took hours, lots of whispers and praises, lots of kisses and asking if he was okay, asking he was comfortable or what position he wanted. but eventually it was done and sirius felt amazing, he felt like he was on top of the world.
-sirius pov-
i winced trying to stand in the shower, remus behind me washing my back "i'm sorry it hurts" remus said with a peck on the shoulder "it's okay, you were amazing, so good to me" remus chuckled and continued to wash me as i played with my hands. he picked up a bottle of shampoo and poured it into his hands, washing my hair. i took his camera and took a picture of us. remus pressed to my back with a soft smile lingering on his face as he washed my hair and a soft smile on my face.
-time skip-
we walked into a shop and remus walked to a counter handing his camera to the person behind it. i closed my eyes and thought about remus, about us. and i didn't see it. i didn't see him naked sprawled out on the bed, i didn't think about his hand pressing to my stomach to keep me from squirming, i didn't think about how my back arched when he just hit the right spots. i thought about our nights, and conversations. and about the tall trees and the little things.
and then i realized. i loved him, he wasn't just some lazy hook up. i loved him.
i was pulled from my thoughts when remus walked back with a small stack of photos. "there's two of each,some for me, some for you." i smiled and slipped them into my jacket
maybe he was the one for me

word count:3429
A/N: i think this is the longest one in this book. i'm honestly proud of it, and also i mentioned fredrico garcia lorca and i just wanted to bring it up in this because he is my favorite historic person ever. i also love his poems and just like in general. love you<3