Wolfstar oneshots :)

Cheating

The common room was quiet, Remus absent mindlessly stroking Sirius hair out of his face, Sirius was tucked into Remus side, drifting in and out of sleep
"Mary"
Sirius hummed "Mary?"
Remus nodded still stroking Sirius hair planting kisses to his head "that's who you slept with." And Sirius was stiff
"I'm not mad. Just sad.I trusted you. I loved you."
Sirius turned his head quickly "loved? Not love?" Remus nodded pushing Sirius away and getting up
"But i love you!I never wanna stop loving you! Please don't go-"
"loved. It's over, baby."
Sirius didn't make a move to get up, to go after Remus. He was tired. Exhausted. He was crying, he knew that. He was so sorry, more sorry then he had ever felt, more guilt then he had ever felt, he felt as though he would pass out, wishing he would never wake up. His head was heavy and he was dizzy, making his way up to the dorms, ignoring James and Peter, shutting the curtains on his bed.
He didn't eat for 4 days, barely slept. He couldn't sleep without Remus. James would push plates of food through the crack, but he would just pile the plates at the end of his bed, not bothering to eat, he would drink tho. Little sips, leaving at crazy hours of the night to god knows where so he could be alone and cope in unhealthy ways. James never saw him anymore, never in class or at meals. Remus was always quiet now, he didn't speak which wasn't out of character but now he didn't smile, didn't laugh. He was always smiling.
James was worried sick, he needed his friends back and was hopelessly left in the dark with only the mere knowledge that Sirius had slept with someone else, and now the real shocker was that Sirius was still in the dumps, he wasn't back to pretending Remus never happened, and he was well aware that Remus could get like this but pads? This was new, and very worrying.
James pulled open the curtains
"Come on, get up stop wallowing into your own filf, get up, get over him. You'll be fine. I don't like seeing you like this."
"Stop it James, i don't want to get over him i want him back!" Sirius face was pale and his eyes were sunken and dark, he was skinny and his collar bone was pushing through his think skin, he looked sickly at best and had been clearly crying for hours on end
"Where is he. I want to see him."
"Hes in his bed." Sirius got out of bed, staring at Remus who was staring back at him, frowning slightly
"You look like shit."
Sirius shrugged "I haven't showered in almost a week."
Remus nodded.
"Have you slept?" Sirius shook his head "can't sleep without you." Remus hummed
"You look tired"
Sirius closed his eye at that, he was so tired
"I am.I miss you."
Remus nodded
"I miss you too. Why'd you do it?"
"It was Christmas break, you'd gone to the potters and I decided to stay, I'd been two in a row. Mary stayed too. It was a Sunday and you'd be back tomorrow, I couldn't sleep and the full was on Tuesday and I was so scared, so muck built up tension so i went to Mary.
She kissed me first, I told her no but she didn't stop, I just gave in. I left as soon as it was done. It didn't mean anything I swear."
Remus didn't say anything, just nodded and and looked away
"I love you. I love you I love you much..,I Shouldnt have slept with her." Remus was now desperately trying to control his breathing
"You need to go." He wiped his eyes and shut his curtains again wanting desperately to be alone again. He heard Sirius sigh and turn on his heels pushing James out of the way to isolate himself again, Remus didn't like not being with Sirius's. He wanted to pull him close and say it's okay but it wasn't. It wasn't okay. He can't do those things and not be in pain.
Remus had been in pain his entire life, every full moon and he wanted Sirius to feel pain, just once, to feel his pain just for once. Deep down he knew this wasn't realistic, and that really Sirius could never come close to knowing, even after the years of abuse, it wasn't the same. He never knew what would happen, never knew for sure what would happen, where his scars would reopen. He at least had the element of surprise, the little bit of mercy to keep him slightly sane.
He could hear Sirius crying and his heart was heavy in his chest seemingly pulling everything down, he wanted to hunch over and throw up. Maybe he would.

He did.
He coughed a little and whispered a quick "scorgify" before "muffilito" and pulled the blankets over himself, curling into a ball hoping maybe he could just sleep,but sleep didn't come. He tossed and turned, ending up on his back, finally noticing how dark it was around him, the curtains were tightly shut and figured James had shut the lights, he could barely make out the lines in the dark oak of his bed frame. Now above all he had a head ache from straining his eyes. He closed his eyes and fell into a pittyfull sleep.
The next morning was quiet he figured Sirius, James and Peter had left without him which frankly would have been okay, so he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom but to his suprise James and Sirius weren't gone, but James was awake, looking very tired as if he'd been up all night, petting his hair just like Remus would.
Sirius was asleep on his lap, but sniffling and hiccuping like he wasn't.
"He's been crying in his sleep all night. We've been like this since you threw up
Last night. Remus he fucked up, I get it. But look at him- he's miserable. He can't live like this." Remus sighed and walked over to James carefully picking Sirius up
And carrying him to his own bed, laying him down and wiping his eyes and kissing his cheek "hm. Why don't you get some good sleep, I'll be here when you wake up" Sirius nodded against the pillow, sniffling one last time and quickly falling asleep
"Thank you remus I-"
"I still wanna be alone for a little. I'll be back in like a hour I just need to get out."