Wolfstar oneshots :)

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So this isn't smut but it sort of is ig?mentions of bondage. Just read. It's sort of sad- mentions of abuse and self harm, depression and anxiety, body dysmorphia. If you can't take that stuff, rlly just skip this one.

This is what he needed. It was cruel and embarrassing and so so wrong but. He needed it. There was time for everything else, they had all the time in the world. They had tomorrow and the next and the day after that, but now? He needed this now. He needed to be blindfolded and bound and pushed to the point of nothingness, to the void of pure pleasure- the beyond. To seeing white spots, to feel your legs giving out from underneath you to feel your muscles burn from staying still for so long, and then it was done, and you'd see white, and then the whisper and the coaxes. You'd twitch and cry and feel the best you'd ever felt so convinced you're dying. And then it's over, and your vision comes back and the tingling subsides and you see his face,wiping the drying tears from your eyes and you can't help but smile.

"Come to bed? Please, I miss you"
And Sirius called back from the bathroom "just a few more minutes babe" and he stayed, watching himself in the bathroom. Pulling at his own skin, pinching at his wrists. Pulling his hair so hard he got a head ache. The he would hit himself, tk the point where he stumbled a little like he had a little too much to drink. He didn't even realize Remus was behind him now, pulling his hands away from his head "sh..it's okay I'm here now. Let just- just get you to bed. Okay?" Sirius nodded burying himself into Remus side. So Remus guided him to the bed, softly laying him down on his side and crawling in next to him
Sirius turned around and pulled at Remus pants "come on..I just want a little..distraction..need to get away a little"
Remus stilled Sirius's hands "no baby..no I think we gotta stay away from sex for a little while. I don't think it's healthy.."
Sirius stopped moving and huffed, rolling away from Remus "it just not a healthy way to cope. I know your family life is hard, and I'm sorry for that but it's starting to effect your mental health. You've been getting worse again, you've been starting hit yourself again. And I think you've become addicted to sex, I know it feels good, and I know you think I'm gonna abandon you but I'm not. I'm here for the long run, even when things get a little tough. I'll be here because I love you." Sirius didn't respond just shifted closer and started to cry
"I got you a appointment for therapy. They said they can have you admitted if you want, I'll be with you the entire time. "
Sirius didn't say anything for a while "one last time? Dosnt have to be rough, not even any ropes or-or blind folds. Nothing- I just want to feel you."
Remus looked at him with such a pitiful look it would have been bitter to anyone else.
"I'm sorry Sirius. I can't. It's a thing with the therapy,I can explain it if you want it's just-"
"Just hold me then. I miss being normal. Not sex driven. I know this is going to help. I'm just scared." Remus rubbed comforting circles on Sirius' waist
"I know. It's gonna be okay. I'm
Here snd I won't leave. I'm not leaving."
Sirius pulled him closer "I know."
"Just hold me a little while longer. Just make me feel okay." So Remus did. He made him feel okay, because tomorrow was unexpected. Usually Remus could plan out the day, something easy.
But now it wasn't going to be like that, tomorrow wasn't going to be like that. It was going to be different and neither of them were sure.
They had to look rather pathetic; one man crying because he couldn't have a sex driven life, and another trying to comfort him but massively failing. Had to look pathetic,really.

"Do you think I can do it?" Remus nodded quickly "of course you can. You're Sirius black, you can do anything you want. Because you're brave and smart and I know you. So I know you can do this." And suddenly Sirius was crying again. And begging. Begging to be touched. To be used. To be filled and manhandled.
Incoherent pleas. To feel the rock in his hips again but
"Go to sleep, Sirius."
"No-no come on...you can be gentle, I'll let you do anything just please-"
"Go to bed.I love you."
And Sirius fell silent, reduced to silent sobs. So he did, he held Remus closer and closed his eyes and hoped that he would fall asleep quick, and maybe in the morning Remus would change his mind and fuck him hard. But he knew that this was just a string of hope.

-next morning-
Remus was there, just like he said he would be. "Sirius, wake up, come on we have to go" Sirius pretended to be asleep, maybe Remus would just leave him alone, let him skip. But Remus scooped him up carried him to the bathroom, setting him down in the tub and running the water, stepping in behind him
"I love you, you know. I all want is to help"
Sirius shifted "you don't have to wash my hair" Remus huffed "it's the least I can do right now. Just relax" Remus leaned foward and kissed Sirius neck
"When we get there I'll sign you in. Then we'll get taken back to a room, where you or I will explain the situation, then you have to chip in a little bit and start to talk about feelings, gross i know but I'll be there. Then we have a sex therapist in the same building and she's gonna explain how to cut down on sex, and how you can help yourself." Sirius nodded shortly
"You know this dosnt mean no sex right? Just not once a day whenever you want to cope"

The waiting room seats were hard and cold. Rather uncomfortable,really. Sirius couldn't get the stupid thought of no sex out of his head. Pathetic.

It has been 2 months since therapy started and it was the hardest thing Sirius had ever done. Throwing out the ropes, the chains, the leather, the toys, although he saved some of those. Remus helped of course, made it easier no doubt. It was nice seeing Remus in the morning, knowing he hadn't left. That he stayed around, he kept promises. Always did.

They did it. With the okay from the therapist. Once a month. It was amazing, the blissed out feeling again. And it wasn't rough, wasn't painful. It was beautiful. And Sirius thought for once that he may- just may be okay.