Wolfstar oneshots :)

Just too good.

Sirius picked apart everything. Maybe it was his upbringing, maybe it was the fact that nothing had ever turned out okay for him, he was always settling for a divide. Maybe that was the reason he was constantly looking for the problem in his and Remus relationship. He always thought Remus was just too good. Maybe he didn't realize it in the moment but he was always a ticking time bomb, waiting to be set off, Remus was always going to leave him, that's what he told himself.
He didn't realize that he was the problem.
his relationships did not permit the degree of self-revelation, fake self revelation at that. There were no problems being caused by others, or the fact that Remus was "too good for him" it wasn't that, it was Sirius himself.
He was putting pressure on himself and Remus by putting the notion in his head that Remus was too good. He was holding Remus to the standard of a god and himself to a historic common man.
He was on a presuppose and didn't even realize. And that was going to demolish his relationship, setting the future like it's history.
He'd been searching for hints that Remus wasn't in it like he was, engulfing himself in his own words not realizing he was creating it all, setting himself for failure.
His methods of deconstructing his own thoughts were prehistoric and torturous, constantly repeating a degrading thought with no hesitation, stating it is if it were fact was literally setting himself up for heartbreak.
No one, especially Remus had even hinted at the fact that Remus was too good for him. If someone was in his head they would wonder where he had gotten the idea, no one would have known just by inspection that it was just his own self doubt caused by years of abuse, he was taught that he was subpar at the least and the few praises he got from his friends were never enough to re-build his entire concept with affection and intimacy.
Remus was always overly affectionate and made it clear he loved Sirius but who was Sirius to define love in a new light, he thought his parents loved him, the same parents who belittled and abused him. No one could redefine love, not even Remus.
Of course he had the stray thought, the doubt that his parents loved him, because why did he love differently? Why did Sirius love Remus in a different way, why didn't he love his parents, why didn't he love like his parents did.
And sometimes this was hard to imagine, from an outside point of view it's like holding a stone in then palm of your hand, the handing being Remus was too good, the stone being why, the stone fit, you're able to hold it in your hand, but did your hand swamp the rock? Did your fingers barely fit around it. Yes the situation fit the criteria, but it was a reach.
Sometimes Sirius felt he was holding something back, looking back now it was logic, the logical part of his Brain was drowning. He knew Remus loved him, but the thought was pushed so far back by illogical thoughts and eventually the logic was lost. Yet he stayed, because he subconsciously felt loved by remus, he just had to let the words out. He had to let out his feelings. It has to be hard to explain to someone else that you felt so inadequate that your brain had convinced you the person you loved, the person who loved you was too good. The person who had always been there for you was too good, the one that had always stuck around no matter how hard things got,no matter how much you had hurt them, they stayed.
Sirius self doubt overtook his mind every second. Of course he still enjoyed and relished in the relationship he had with Remus, he just felt less then enough somtimes, like he could be more, like Remus deserved more.
Sirius was mentally killing himself a little more everyday. He was starting to feel it too, inevitably Remus would notice soon, maybe even James and peter. He had no hope of his friends not noticing his declining mental health, and inevitably Remus would say he was worried.
Somtimes everything in Sirius head was even too much for him, so he'd slip away after Everyone had gone to bed and lay with Remus. Somtimes they'd talk, but most of the time Sirius would just find comfort in Remus presents, in Remus touch.
But when they did talk, Sirius would cry.
Sirius wasn't a pretty crier, he'd sob, sniffle, hiccup, his whole body would shake with sobs but yet Remus would see him in this state and think it was the prettiest thing he'd seen.
Maybe it was the fact the Sirius was so vunerbable but never seemed to turn a back, never seemed to bat an eye on the subject that Remus might tell someone.
Because deep down Sirius new Remus loved him too much to hurt him.
And as for Remus, why did he find such a state of vulnerability that could be used and abused so beautiful? because he thought Sirius was the most godlike being ever.
His features we aristocratic and graceful making even the most painful motions look pleasure full, his movements were filled with power and were so completely admirable, and Sirius wasn't a children's definition of a god, strong and powerfull. Sirius wasn't a god at all he was just so simply, unchanging and Omnipresence, he could be felt wherever Remus went, everything reminded him of Sirius.

Sticking to the godlike factors.
Sirius looked absolutely stunning when he came. He was so so beautiful, mouth hung open, hips grinding and stuttering as his chest heaved, slick with sweat his muscles flexing as he rode his high. He was simply so beautiful, Remus didn't get why Sirius was self conscious.
He was amazing.