Wolfstar oneshots :)

Good note pt2

Tw: suicide , assault reference, abusive relationship

It wasn't a fucking good note. It was horrible and it made his stomach wrench and he spent ours in the bathroom throwing up because he couldn't stand the thought of not being with Remus. It was dawn when he finally got up and then immediately started sobbing because Remus forget his fucking phone. Right on the counter. He had to give it back, he wasn't going to keep Remus phone like a fucking reminder that he was gone.
He said hed be staying with Mary until he got on his feet, so Sirius headed out.

He knocked twice but no one answered. I'm hindsight he should have left, but fuck it I can't hurt now, 2 years later.

"You left your phone" Remus had always been taller then Sirius, but Sirius felt tiny now. Remus took the phone from his hand and made to shut the door but Sirius held it open "I can feel it happening again- and I can't stop it. I don't know what to do- I can't go back to how I was before and-"
"Stop Sirius. Just. I'll stay the night okay? Then you have the be on your own. I'll help you pay for therapy or something but I can't do this anymore." Sirius nodded and and sighed when Remus' arm rubbed up his back. He felt like sobbing with relief.
It was only a night.
When they got home Remus took a shower, said that he didn't feel good and that just to go to bed and not wait up. Remus did come to bed eventually though , and Sirius was half asleep when Remus slid into bed next to him he kissed his cheek. It was almost like he wanted to pretend everything was fine when it really wasn't. Sirius rolled over and opened his eyes and his hands wandered to Remus neck "promise me you'll always protect me. I don't care if we're not dating I just- I need you to be there." Remus nodded and held out his pinky which Sirius linked his with and closed his eyes. Remus kissed his forehead and pushed his hair out of his neck "go to sleep."
The next morning Remus gave him a number to his therapist who worked with assault victims and told him that he would always be there. No matter what. And that he could call and text and that he'd always reply.
He never did.
He broke every single promise.

"Do you still think he'll be there for you?" Two fucking years and Sirius still held out hope, that everytime everything got to be too much Remus would be there. He never fucking was.

Hey Remus I know it's been a few years now. I should just stop now. I've been talking to that therapist and i thought I was getting better. But then uh. I was at a bar last night. And he was there. And it all went to shit. I don't know where you are. Or if you've been getting my calls. But I need you. I should have moved on, I should have stopped calling but um. I don't know. I'm on the roof of my apartment, same one. If you get this. Maybe you can get here in time.

When Remus got there Sirius was passed out on the roof.
"Fuck, Sirius wake up. Please I cant-" Remus broke off with a sob and pulled Sirius into his chest. He took his phone from his pockets and called the police "I need an ambulance, I think he took some pills, fuck I don't know, he has a pulse but he's not waking up, I don't know what to do" Remus was crying now and he was rapidly trying to wake Sirius up but nothing was working "okay sir, calm down, we have an ambulance en route, can you tell me your exact location?" Remus held back a sob "we're on the roof. He was gonna jump" "okay sir the ems should be reaching you now." Remus hung up the phone as the ems arrived. It was really a blur after that, hospitals and forms and a shit ton of questions he didn't want to answer.
"He's awake and responsive. You can go in and see him" Remus immediately went in and saw Sirius awake and drinking some water
"You.."
"Shhh"
Remus was at the bed in an instant taking Sirius head into his hands, weaving his fingers through his hair and and appreciatively kissing his forehead "never fucking do that again. You don't get it. Please" Sirius nudged his head to Remus chest and and sighed "okay."

"Why did you come? How did you get my voicemail? Have you just been ignoring me?"
"I. I got your voicemails, all of them. I just couldn't bring myself I answer. I would stare and stare at my phone and I would beat myself every time but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I listened to every single one. I'd watch your photo come up and I'd wait and then I'd listen. I never got over you."
Sirius pulled away and turned on his side
"Glad to know you came when you knew i was vulnerable.that's fucked up, Remus. I was calling for years- I spent years thinking something happened to you, that you didn't get my calls or that you couldn't respond somehow. You were wating for this weren't you." Remus didn't respond, just sorta stared. That's not true, he wanted to say. He wanted to say that he didn't get it. That he spent years in an abusive relationship. Too scared to answer the fucking phone because what if he found out that Sirius wasn't just a friend.
"No. No I wasn't. I was abused. Too fucking scared. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I thought you'd be so happy I was here. That I found you. God I was so worried. I thought I was too late. Jesus fucking christ I thought you were dead. Do you know how much it hurts to see you like that? Passed out on the roof of your apartment."
Sirius didn't turn around but his whole body shook as he cried.
"I was supposed to be protect you. I was your everything and I was supposed to protect you! I was meant to keep you safe!"
Remus shook his head and took Sirius' hand "no..Sirius I promised that I'd be there for you but I never was. And I will be now. I'm not leaving. I broke my promise but I'm not anymore"

"Hello mr. black. Your therapist is here to see you, your friend can stay in the room or leave, but she needs to talk to you."
Sirius looked at Remus, then back at the nurse "he can stay." She nodded and left and soon Sirius therapist came in glancing from Remus to Sirius then sighed "Sirius. We have so much to talk about. They are recommending me to send you to a facility. I can't say you're stable. It would be morally incorrect and just..wrong. Sirius you are...I'm sorry. I'm sending you to a facility. It's all paid for already, you'll be leaving tomorrow." Sirius made to get up but Remus stoped him "it's a low risk facility, you can have observed visitors once a week" she gestured towards Remus then continued " it's not punishment, it's going to help. You'll be on minimal medication, you'll have art therapy and psychiatrist on call 24/7 along with therapists and me." Sirius was breathing heavy and he looked panicked "shit, Sirius look at me" Remus rubbed Sirius back, up and down "can you get him some water?" Remus kept simple touches "what do you need? Sirius shook his head but Remus persisted "words, please" finally Sirius took a shakey breath "hug"
Remus moved Sirius foward on the bed and got behind him, cradling Sirius and shushing him. He put his hair up in a bun and blew cool air on his neck "I got you."

They would get through this together.