Wolfstar oneshots :)

Sick.

Cw: sexual reference- struggling with sexual things
ALSO- before you read this I wanna say I use "dumb" words at one point because Science words seems weird to use, but mandible and temporal bones are the words "jaw and skull" the mandable is connected to the temporal bone by the temporal mandible joint- tmj- which can slip out of place causes by clenching your jaw and/or grinding your teeth(stress induced)

Sirius feels like he's about to throw up. All over Remus, and his bed, and his clothes.
He pushed at Remus shoulder, not too hard just enough to get him off "whats wrong?" Remus has the most sincere look in his eyes, like Sirius is the moon and stars all combined. Sirius has to look away, because he knows it's gonna hurt when the words come out. And he's gonna wanna take them all back as soon as they come out but he says it anyways
"I don't like it when you touch me."
Remus pulled his hand away from Sirius and the slip of skin felt like razors. He could feel Remus tense up, and wriggle around for a second
"What?"
Sirius had to blink away his tears, because he didn't want to cry over something like this
"I don't like it. It makes me feel sick."
It was too silent, painfully silent until Remus spoke again, his voice pitches too high "do- do you want to break up?"
Sirius head snaps up and he frantically shakes his head, for the first time he meets Remus eyes and he realizes- hes not mad- he's sad. There's tears brimming his eyes and he's biting his lip "no! No- i don't want that! I just- I don't like it. It makes me so uncomfortable and I don't know why. I get so fucking horny when we make out, I feel like I'll die if you don't touch me but I also feel like I'll throw up if you do. And I hate it. I feel like I'll never be enough- Remus I love you. So much, more then anything ever, and I thought that once I found the right guy I'd settle, and I'd be able to have sex but the thought revolts me to the core. I know we're meant to be, that you're my one and only but I can't have sex with you."
They were both crying now, and Sirius felt like he was dying.
Remus was rubbing the bridge of his nose - he took a sharp inhale like it set in quickly
"okay...let me get this straight...you won't have sex with me because the thought of it makes you sick. Sirius, that's- that's. I don't get it."
Sirius brought his hand to Remus thigh he Remus shifted away "it's not you- I panic. Every time I feel- well you know- in the mood, I panic. I feel like I can't breath. Like I'm drowning."
Remus breath had steadied and he straightened his back
"It's a foot of water, babe. What if you just have to breath- just take a minute. Tell me when he's getting too much, we can work it out,right?"
Sirius but his lip to fight back a sob- he wished it was a foot of water. It felt like ten.
He just wanted out-wanted to stop everything and put it on pause. Take a moment to actually think- because recently it seems like all he's been doing is trying please others, trying to be someone he isn't. And he was tired. Emotionally, mentally, physically he was pushed to his limit.
Remus hand grabbed his jaw, firmly, not enough to hurt, he took his middle finger and slid it to the junction between his jaw and skull- then working his finger in a small right circle "you were clenching. Relax- it's okay. Let's just take a rest. We can talk tomorrow -hm?"
Sirius nodded meekly. He was tired.

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AN: I have bad tmj problems and I legit haven't been able to update because so much stuff has been happening but I'm back im track! Jaw guard is being made and I should be getting rid of the pain soon:)))