The Way It Is (Way Too Deep Sequel)

Chapter 7✍🏿

"Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars and see yourself running with them."

-Marcus Aurelius

Short Chapter

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in so long. Been a couple of months honestly and I feel like because I haven't written, I haven't gotten shit off of my chest so I'm dwelling on it. There's just been so much shot going on and I just want a change in my life. I know that life has it's ups and downs but what the fuck.

The last person that I was supposed to kill was Tank. I did that, took him off this Earth. Someone who was close to me betrayed me and they had to get handled as well.

9 months after I thought I was clear from this shit, they went behind my back and tried to get me killed. Why would anybody want to betray me when I would give hem my last if they really needed it?

I'm big on loyalty but I guess not everybody is. They don't know the definition of that shit. you live by the code, you die by the code. Everybody knows that. I felt like I was losing my sanity as I watched the house burn in flames with their body in it. Like I was losing all of myself and in a way I liked it. I know that's not good to say or whatever but that's what I was feeling in that moment.

Anyways, after that, I was thinking that I was done for sure. No ties to nothing that would end up with me killing somebody but I was wrong. King was running his mouth like usual to one of his friends and he pulled up on me and asked me to do this job for him. I couldn't (and still don't) see why he just can't do this shit himself. I feel like it would be easier.

Why he wants him dead is why I agreed because I was in his position once and I know how it feels but I had to be the one to pull the trigger. No one else. But if that's what he wants then so be it. This I know, will be the last person that I kill. I don't want to keep doing this. I just want to continue to raise my daughter, go to school and work.

Speaking of school, I decided to just do online classes because I felt like it would be easier to do than go physically. It gets tiring sometimes but I know that I could push through and eventually graduate in 3 years with a Bachelors in Psychology.

...... Jah is in the hospital because his car got shot up and when King told me that he was in critical condition, I thought the worse. He's going to pull through though and I'm thankful for that. This shit is another reason why I don't wanna be involved in anything like this because I want my daughter to grow up with both parents. I don't want her to ever wonder why we were taken from her at a young age. She doesn't deserve that.

Hopefully shit gets better and there won't be a point where I'm still dwelling on the past and what I could have done to change it. I always say that everything happens for a reason so it could be to put me in a better position in the future. But you know, trial and tribulation.

Akashaa Zenn

Nov 12, 2019

11:11pm