The Way It Is (Way Too Deep Sequel)

Chapter 35🔁

"Truth to be told we're only getting older we're closer then we ever been. The doves weren't crying, they only were trying to tell us to try it again."

~Mourning Doves~

-Jhene Aiko

Dear Diary,

It seems like I've been through so much shit lately. I'm tired of the bullshit . Tired of the killing . Tired of men. Tired of women. I think I'm just tired of being tired. I think I need a month of just straight blessings. This shit here , is a curse.

Devin played me. Had me thinking that we were moving in the right direction even though I didn't even want to be with him in the first place . I know I should've just kept it to where we were just having sex but I guess I wanted that title. The title of being somebody's woman. Their partner.

Fuck was I thinking? I knew in all reality that he couldn't give me that. He didn't even want to be in a relationship either so why did we push for it? Maybe we're broken? Tired of dealing with people who in the end Shitted on us. I was the good part though. He was way too traumatized and didn't work on hisself before taking that leap with me.

I wouldn't say I was traumatized. I've dealt with 2 niggas that I shouldn't have before I ran into the male version of me. Even then, it seemed like we weren't fit for each other. Devin thought was different but of course not.

Men have a way of disguising the fact that they're using you so you mistake it for love. It's for them to have the upper hand. They talk like they're interested in what the fuck you're dreams and aspirations are. Like they want to build a life with you. Just for them to say fuck you out of no where.

Obviously not all men but the ones I have allowed into my life has. Excluding Jahvon.

Why the fuck do we keep screwing up when we're together? It felt like we were made for each other but we just couldn't get it right. I almost lost him and I he almost lost me.

Last night was a real eye opener. From the sex to the talk we had after. If anything, I want to give my all to him because I feel like I'm ready to now.

He asked me to marry him. MARRY HIM ! This might sound weird, even just thinking about it sounds weird, but we connected last night for the very first time. We deeply connected. Like we synced or some shit.

I was shocked and surprised at the question but nonetheless, happy. I hated that it took for the shit that happened to me to make him really open his eyes.

Just by looking into his eyes, I could tell that's what he was thinking. "Like how could I have fucked this up with her?"

If this shit is really meant to be, there should be no reason as to why we have to end up going our separate ways. No breaks, no nothing.

I can't help but laugh though because we're so young. We have our whole lives ahead of us to find the right person who is meant for us.

I will say this though, I know myself, and if we aren't going to work out this time around then this would be the end of relationships with me for a while. Reevaluate the men I allow to be in my space.

...

Akashaa Zenn

Feb 6, 2019

12:30pm

Akashaa closed her diary and put it in her nightstand. She looked over at Jahvon was peacefully sleeping. What she didn't know was that he was fake sleeping and he was watching her write in her diary. Wondering what she was writing about.

She looked over at the ring that was staring right back at her. She couldn't help the flashbacks of last night that kept replaying in her head. Him asking her will he marry her as they synced. Him telling her how much he loved her. Or how beautiful she was as he stared down at her.

Getting up from the bed she walked over to her dresser and grabbed the ring. She placed it on her finger and smiled. This was it.

"So I take that as a yes." Jah said.

She jumped and turned around.

"I didn't know you were awake." She said, looking at him.

He nodded his head and just stared at her.

"You really want me to be your wife? Like be with you forever? Wake up to me forever?" She asked.

He sat up in bed and titled his head. He knew that she already knew the answers to her questions so why was she even asking?

"If I didn't mean that shit, I wouldn't have asked. Believe that."

She looked down at the ring again and took it off. She could see him sit up more in bed.

"This is crazy." She whispered to herself.

Walking over to the bed, she straddled his lap.

He was staring at her intensely and no mister how hard she tried to hold the gaze, she couldn't.

"You want me to be your wife." She said before chuckling.

She placed the ring back on her finger. "Yes."

He couldn't help the big ass smile that appeared on his face. She was his woman. He could hear hisself saying shit like how he gotta get back to his old lady.

"This a good ass feeling. We gon get it right this time around baby. I promise you that."

"I know."

"Now all we gotta do is work on my son. He might already be up in there, I don't know." He said while rubbing her stomach.

"Jahvon please don't play with me. Another you running around? Yikes."

"Exactly. Another me. We need that. Little boy gotta complete the circle."

Akashaa didn't know what the fuck he was talking about but she just shook her head and smiled.

She would be happy with having a boy next. But then again Yani be driving her crazy. Kids is a fucking lot.

"Okay."